I need some help...

leilakaye · 07-16-2007, 10:51 PM

Ladies,

I am seriously starting to doubt my faith. I cannot for the life find the positives of why God made me with this condition. There is nothing good about it. Why did he put in me such a desire to have children, but then make my body so it won't work? Why do I have to go through all this pain just to get the hair off my face? Why do I have to take all these drugs just to cycle normally? What is his purpose for doing this? I have prayed lots about this and haven't come to any better understanding. I am tired of going through my life being frustrated and hurting. Will it ever get better? Will more praying help?

Does anyone have any perspective on this? What are some things I can do to help get myself out of this way of thinking? I feel stuck and miserable and I don't want to feel this way anymore. I just want to be at peace.

Jashobeam · 07-16-2007, 11:21 PM

I have found in life that God often does not tell us why He is doing things, but He offers to go through things with us. Before I got saved in 1991 I didn't have God's leading at all. Once I was saved I noticed that God lead even when I wasn't aware of it. He has promised to be close to the broken hearted, and so many times I have needed Him to be there, to give me peace when I wanted to see things my own way and do what I wanted instead of what He wanted. The Bible says if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart. I think that means that when God is our delight our desires are His desires. My Mom wanted kids for so many years, and was only allowed to have me. Even the times she wanted to adopt, things didn't work out. I think God is with His children when we ache. . . especially when we ache.

Are you having your devotions regularly? Are you reading through the Bible? God often sends comfort through His Word when nothing else brings us peace. I hope God gives you peace in your turmoil.

Bethany · 07-18-2007, 04:23 AM

Hi Leila,
I am sorry you are in such pain right now

Just know you are not alone in struggling with PCOS & infertility. I struggled with infertility for several years & I know it hurts so badly. I used to cry & wonder why just like you. But try to believe that things will work out the way they are meant to be, & that everything happens for a reason (sorry if it sounds cliche, but it is a comfort to me).

If you are never able to have a child biologically, maybe God has a child out there for you whose mother you are meant to be. Or maybe you ARE going to have a biological child someday, but for some reason it's not time yet.

Try to trust that God has a plan for you, & that things happen in his time, not ours. I know it is so hard to believe that when you are going through hard times, but don't give up hope.

Maybe you are going through these struggles so you can help another woman who has PCOS someday, or to give you more compassion & empathy towards others who are struggling, suffering, in pain or sick.
I know that having my heart broken in the past has given me empathy towards those with a broken heart, those who are lonely. I think suffering that I've gone through my life has made me a better person, a kinder, more empathetic, deeper person. People who have never had hardships lack a certain depth of character IMO. Some people may disagree with that or think it sounds harsh but I do believe that.
Suffering can also be an opportunity to become closer to God by leaning on him & learning to trust him more.

If possible in these dark days, try to focus on the positives in your life.
I see you are married... God has given you a man in your life who loves you. I have a single friend who would give anything to have that, she is so lonely.
Your health is not 100%, yet there are thousands of people out there with cancer or aids who wish PCOS was their biggest health concern.
You live in a free country... even just being born in the US or Canada is something I feel we should be thanking God for every minute. Imagine what life is like for women in Afganistan for example.
If at all possible, try to remember the good things in your life. They are all around you, try to find them.

All that being said, I am not trying to belittle your feelings or what you are going through. I validate your feelings 100%. PCOS sucks. I do know how you feel, I have been there, & it is SO hard to imagine ever getting out of the funk. But you WILL. It will get better. Keep praying & don't lose faith in God & his plan for you.

Best of luck

jupiter · 07-21-2007, 02:15 PM

Leila-I went through the same problem. I have always wanted children and I was told by three doctors that I would never be able to conceive. I couldn't understand why God would give me such a strong desire to have children and then not allow me to have them. It hurt everytime I would see a woman get pregnant without even trying. I used to get so angry with God for giving children to women who just aborted them or abused them.
Here's my story. I pray that it will give you some hope.
DH and I were married in August 2004 and immediately began TTC. After 6 months we went through tests and were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. My doctor wanted us to start IVF. DH and I refused. We decided to leave it in God's hands. We had our entire church, friends, family and even friends and family of our friends and family praying for us. We had people all over the country praying. In September 2006 I went on Yaz and my dosage of Metformin was increased to 2000mg's a day. After three months I went off Yaz and af showed up. During the three months I was on Yaz af became regular. I was three days late in January when DH convinced me to test. I didn't want to because I couldn't handle seeing another BFN. The night before the test I was laying in bed making plans to convert the room we had set aside as a nursery into my craft room. I had lost hope that I would ever get pregnant. January 10th I took a HPT and was shocked when it came back positive. I am now a little over 32 weeks pregnant with a miracle who is developing perfectly despite my advanced age, PCOS and type 2 diabetes. God definitely has His hand in this.
Sorry that's a bit long but I really wanted to share it with you and pray that you will see that everything does happen in God's timing and doctors don't always have the final say. Don't give up on your dream. Now is the time to draw closer to God and He will carry you.
You will be in my prayers.