Cuddle with her if she likes that. Sometimes it's just enough to be touched.
Part of the problem I'm having is that she has so little interest in showing or receiving affection. I think it affects her mentally more than she realizes, because she's always tired which can put her in an understandably sour mood.
(sorry this is a short reply, it's been a long day and I'm having trouble coming up with anything to say)
Part of the problem I'm having is that she has so little interest in showing or receiving affection. I think it affects her mentally more than she realizes, because she's always tired which can put her in an understandably sour mood.
(sorry this is a short reply, it's been a long day and I'm having trouble coming up with anything to say)
colbond I have a sugestion for you. Sit down with her, hold her if you can and tell her how much you love her, and that you want things for her to get better. Tell her what you have been doing here on SoulCysters; tell her you have been looking into treatments, support from both other men and women with PCOS who want to help her and you, tell her of the research and time spent trying to rack your brain on finding someway to help her.
Tell her that everything is going to be alright because you are there and you will do everything you can to help.
As for the Metformin thing, I noticed (this is based on the mg amount that worked for me, it may be different for her, she may need more or less) that in 05' when I was put on it, I hoped that the horrible pain I was feeling would at least not be so sharp, but it lessened in serverity within a month's time. I was put on a small amount compared to the other ladies here; 500 mg.
My syptoms lessened over 6 months time, I even lost weight without realizing it. My only variation was walking home from school in the evening a few days aweek, I guess it's a mile and a quarter. I think it was the time spent and not the speed at which I walked made me lose weight. I also carried a bottle of water with me instead of carbonated drinks (it was my doctors idea). Maybe you should sugest that the both of you go for walks together.
Most women here take at least 1,000 mg of Metformin for those who are not on other medications.
One last sugestion; ask her how she feels, not just emotional, physically, mentally, but how she feels inside and if there is anything she wants to talk about. Sometime all we want is someone who will listen to our ranting and raving, our troubles, and a shoulder to cry on.
Good luck
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...what I wish I could have in a man right now. Maybe it will give you some input into what your girlfriend wants and needs.
I want to know that I am loved, no matter what I look like, no matter how much I weigh or what I wear or whether I stink or get huge pimples all over my body and grow hair out the tip of my nose!
I want a friend who is interested in what my dreams, goals, and wishes are, no matter if I think they are impossible right now. I just want someone to listen to the deepest desires of my heart, and to know what I WANT from life.
I want someone in my life who will listen to my heart and un-intrusively help me plan out little changes and big ones that will help me achieve these things that I want.
I want someone who will remind me of my goals and dreams especially when the crazy symptoms of PCOS drag me down and away from hope.
I want someone to grab me and hold me and hug me and kiss me when I don't feel like it until I can cry and remember how beautiful it is to touch someone I love, and to be touched by them.
Your girl needs you, and it will take a lot of courage, and you'll have to be stronger than her at times because we are all sometimes weak. It will make your relationship richer and stronger, the more you can see both of you as individual, growing, changing people worthy of eachother's love.
Susie my love language is physical touch as well! (sounds hoaky, but they've got it down to a science in the book 5 love languages)
& I agree. I think the most important key to a woman's heart who's suffering from PCOS is acceptance, and tolerance. I just need to feel loved and supported above all.
__________________ -D-chiro-inositol
-Vegetarian / Organic Diet
-Morning Cardio / Two Hours
-Vitamins / A, B, C, D, E, K Books- Skinny B!tch(s), The Ultimate PCOS Handbook Treatments- Laser hair removal, Dermabrasion
Topical Prescriptions- Differin, Vaniqa
I haven't posted here for a long time, although I have lingered and when I read your post I thought I should come out of the shadows.
Without getting into a long story, I know from personal experience that the hormone issues related to PCOS can decrease intimacy in a relationship significantly. I spent a long time blaming myself and after a while, my wife for her lack of desire for me and for intimacy. The long and the short of it is, that it wasn't my fault and it wasn't hers either.
I used to cry myself to sleep at night becuase of the rejection, sometimes I still do. But now that my wife has accepted her diagnosis and is undergoing treatment, I see glimpses of the woman she used to be.
Trust me its going to be hard. My advice to you, is that no matter how lonely it makes you feel or how difficult the mood swings are, it doesn't mean she doesn't love you anymore. I had a hard time getting over that one. As hard as it may seem right now, don't internalize it or try to analyze it. It simply is what it is. Your DGF is going through hell and its being projected onto you.
Whatever you do, always tell her you love her, no matter how much the rejection feels at the time. When my DW rejects me, I just put my arms around her, kiss her on the cheek and tell her that its all right. Always tell how beautiful she is. Reassure her that you think she's as sexy as the day you two met because she's going through some body image issues.
I don't know what you believe in but sometimes I find it helps to pray. When I feel like I can't take it anymore, I ask God for help. While I know that my prayers will never end PCOS, I feel a sense of relief. Maybe that's his way of helping me until the treatments start to take effect.
My prayers are with you Colbond. In some ways, you have been blessed because you are dealing with this early in your relationship. Always be there for her and be that shoulder she can cry on because, trust me she will need to from time-to-time.
May God answer all of our prayers and bring us relief and a cure.
I get the update email for this thread every day. Every day I come look and start to type a response, but can't get myself to push the button.
Today was a bad day. She was working on something for tomorrow and getting understandably frustrated. I wish she would ask me for help sometimes. I read Neechogan's post and felt a little better, but ended up in bed without a goodnight kiss or thanks for helping her this evening. When I write that it sounds selfish, but sometimes you need to feel appreciated.
Thanks for the specific information about treatments. It's something I will definitely keep in mind. I do appreciate having both male and female perspectives here. It's at times very difficult to get much out of my girlfriend, so that helps me understand what she might be thinking.
Here's going to be the hard part. I've heard lots of suggestions of reminding her and telling her that I love her. The problem is I haven't done that yet. I should, because I do, but the place I'm at right now isn't steady enough that I could say it and not hear it back and be ok.
I'll try to stop by more frequently. Not just on bad days.
when i was diagnosed with it,they gave me bc which helped me lose weight and fixed almost everthing and you dont need to be diagnosed with PCOS to get that.so maybe thats a start?
This may be an off the wall suggestion, but why don't you two consider counseling to try to work through some of this? When I was at the University of Georgia, counseling for students was free. Maybe that would help her communicate better with you and get out some of her emotions about what is happening to her. I don't know that they do couples counseling or anything, but typically universities will offer individual counseling. If she's a college student, she should have access to something that would help her. I also have to agree with the previous post, birth control alone may go a long way in helping her control some of her symptoms. By the way, you seem like a really nice guy. You remind me of my husband a little bit. We have been together for 14 years, and I don't think I'd be here if it weren't for his support. PCOS has been the biggest challenge in our relationship, but we're actually closer because of it. Other than my doctor, he's the only person I've ever discussed this disease with. Even if she doesn't show it, I guarantee you that she appreciates you more than she can express. Just give her a little time.
I agree with both of you. She did bc for most of a year, if I remember correctly, and it did help. This was before we really knew about PCOS. She went off of it because of some bad experiences we both had at the student health center. I think after the first of the year she'll have health insurance again and hopefully I can convince her to see someone and maybe start getting things treated. I'm not sure she understands how it has changed the way she acts toward me.
Here's going to be the hard part. I've heard lots of suggestions of reminding her and telling her that I love her. The problem is I haven't done that yet. I should, because I do, but the place I'm at right now isn't steady enough that I could say it and not hear it back and be ok.
OK, Sorry here. You have not told her you love her after 3 years together, or you just haven't told her lately? Perhaps that is part of the problem? Maybe, just maybe, after waiting so long to be told "I love you" has made her pull away?
If I misunderstood what you said there, I do apologize. But believe me, My BF and I have gone through some issues the last 4 years. I know he loves me and we tell each other all the time. We went from talking about getting married and having children to him telling me he will never marry me but he still loves me and does not want me to leave and claiming one day he wants twins and the next he says he's over it, and then he's excited all the sudden and asking me in the store when I ask him to carry something "well what are you going to do when it is a baby?" Some days I don't even know what I am doing anymore.
I know you love her, just as my BF and I love each other. In my case, he tells me but doesn't show it, in your case (maybe) you show it but don't say it. It sends me on an emotional, hormonal type rollercoaster, crazy train. But yet he's acting like he's the one with hormone problems.
In any case, again I apologize if I am out of line, and also for butting in on the guys forum. Get her to a Doctor. I know it is expensive, if you can't get assistance don't worry, they will bill you, send them a few dollars a month. And the Medications? BC pills: generic, $25 a month, Met: as pointed out b4, $4 at your walmart, and maybe $40 regularly. Possibly a little spendy over time but worth it to at least try for 2-3 months. Counseling may not be a bad idea either.
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Please take a second and think about it from my perspective. I was shopping for a ring and we were talking about kids not all that long ago. Now I can't even get a good night kiss. Honestly, sitting here right now, I would almost feel like it's a lie to say it, because I don't know what I think anymore. She doesn't seem all that interested in different treatments I've suggested. She changes her mind about important things that affect both of us, like having children, without talking to me at all. This is very difficult and there's no way I could commit to something like that.
Hi there. I am no longer insured either. But, here is how I am beating PCOS. Read my post in weight issues and read the diet I posted there. In 12 years of having this NASTY issue, I finally found a diet that works and without metformin. Metformin didn't work for me anyway, it was terrible for my body. So I have done everything natural and I am happy. I've lost 22 lbs in 1 month. Now that I have lost that much weight so far, I no longer have hot flashes, mood swings, anxiety. The weight loss is the KEY to beating this darn disease. Don't beleive it if you think you need a doctor or medicines, you don't. I don't. And I'm doing it!!!! Finally! Your girlfriend can too! I have 20 more to go to feel the right weight.....and I'm feeling on top of the world knowing I did it without medicines.
TMotB here,
Great thoughts by women and the men. Three years is a long time to be just like well its over. Listen i read your post about buying a ring and having kids. This wonderful thing DOES not mean no kids but you have to but in the back of your head how does your GF feel about having children, and being able to give you a family. Well to be blunt is from the both of you. OK, I might have missed it but had she been told she has PCOS by anyone yet? Sorry I do that some times let her know that you sticking through this no matter what, let her know it was not only having children with her that you were looking for it was everything brother.
Flash back for you. When we found out we were trying to concive but obv nothing. So we were to the doc's. Well the military Doc's that we went to were not ones that could tell her and give her the right meds to get her on the road of getting better. And that that started about the 7th year of marrage we did not really get a doctor tell us what was going on until our 9th year. So 2 years without nothing but we both knew something was wrong. We were in Germany no firends no family nothing for support. I can remember there was a span at its worse that we did not talk for at least 4 months( NEVER DO THIS) Never just Co-exist not healthy for either of you. I thought she was cheating on me and she thought the same. What I am trying to say to you my friend is this, Look at that ring its a circle for a reason there is no beginging and no end and that how our love for your GF should be! There is this line that also stats for Better or Worse. Now I will talk about this for a second. 5 years before she started showing signs of PCOS, the military thought I had a stroke I could not talk could barely walk for almost a year. But no matter what she stuck by my side. Why is this important I was about to send her home to her parnets and never deal again. Never give up, get the help she needs which is alot of you being there when she can show you that she needs you, you will know it. I know I skip around lot and I am sorry that part of what I deal with now.
Third, bro always talk get things out when you can PM me and lets talk sometimes you need another male that knows what your going though. Its great to get the thoughts and ideas from the women obv they live with it, but we support them and IF we lose it, its hard to be the rock they need.
OK back to the beinging of the post like i was posting. remember my first post i told both need to talk to each other about anything. Remember i just told you I almost lost my marrage, we just got thrugh 10 years now about 3 years dealing why cause we started talking about everything. At first just let her know that you are there, let her know how you are feeling what you need and that you understand things are Rough BUT they will get better you both have to believe it.
Its a chesey to thing to say but if both of you are on the same page you both can get though anything thrown at you. IF you need to talk when you can PM hit me up. TMofB
Last edited by The Man of the Board; 11-04-2008 at 01:18 PM.
Part of the reason I'm here is that I need a place I can vent frustration and maybe get some constructive feedback. So far it's helped. Holding all that in is bad for both of us.
She's seriously considering going to see a general practitioner at the student health center to see if they'll let her try one of the typical treatments. I think that's a great option as she wouldn't have to deal with most of the problems she's had there in the past, and she could get started looking for a treatment that works.
To the people who said I need to tell her. I agree you were probably right and I did. It's a little complicated right now but in the end it was the right thing to do.
