I need some prayer (long)

denise26 · 12-12-2002, 01:16 AM

Ladies, I am having a really hard time and I really think the only thing that will help is for people to pray, and even though I have really wonderful Christians in my life I don't feel comfortable sharing all of this with them -- I will try to keep this from being too long...

Christmas is always really hard for me -- when I was 18 my mom left us at Christmas, and ever since Christmas tears me up. This year I have chosen to spend Christmas eve and Christmas day here instead of with my family because I can't handle it.

I have been really unhappy for a long time, and I thought it was because I didn't really have many friends and not many people knew me. I took steps to remedy that, joined a house church (small group within my church) and started trying to meet more people, and now that isn't the case -- I have more friends and lots of people know me -- but I still feel really empty. Even with all the people in my life I still feel really alone -- I feel like I am living in a glass box and I can see and hear the people around me but I can't really touch them, and that they don't really see or touch me, so even when I am with other people I am alone.

I have been reading a book called The Sacred Romance about intimacy with God and how we all crave intimacy, and I think that is part of the problem, and I think that I understand that until I can develop intimacy with God I won't be able to really develop intimacy with other people, but that's really hard and I don't know how that really works, and trusting God is really really hard for me (which is a MUCH longer story)

So, I guess I am telling you all this to ask that you pray for a couple of things -- first, the immediate need is for Christmas, the whole thing is already ripping me apart, and I wish the whole season could just be over, so please pray for comfort for me. And for the other, please pray that I will be able to develop my relationship with God, and find fulfillment in my relationship with Him so I don't feel so isolated all the time.

Sorry this is so long, thanks for your support.

HISIRISHGEM · 12-12-2002, 01:48 AM

Denise,

I'm so sorry your going through such a horrid time right now. It sounds like you've put up this HUGE wall so that you won't get hurt, or let anyone hurt you. I'm thinking it stems back from Mom leaving you and Christmas is hitting pretty hard because of those feelings of aloneness.

My grandfather and grandmother helped raise me when I was a kid because my parents got married so young and were trying to support themselves and a baby (me) with their long hour jobs. During those years, I became extremely close with my grandfather whom I named "Dot" and my grandmother. I was quite young when my grandfather died and I had such a HUGE void in my heart because I considered him my father. All of a sudden my real father wanted a relationship and tried to take over, but that role had already been replace by my "Dot". For years I was angry and bitter and didn't allow anyone INCLUDING MY FATHER in my life.....well, in the very being of who I was. I felt as if I had been left all alone and I couldn't handle it.

It wasn't until I got married February 2001, that I started understand that the void I was feeling, was the love I needed for so many years. I lacked a father who didn't know how to show love or affection in other ways aside from giving me material things. I lacked a father who loved me unconditionally.....someone who disowned me when I moved in with a black man I thought I loved at the time, though now loves me because I'm married to a white man. It wasn't until 2001 I knew that the father I was missing.........was my Heavenly Father. The father that loves me no matter how many times I fall, or what color skin my boyfriends or friends have, or how much money we have, etc. I did so many things in my past that I'm not proud of, yet God is still here with me loving me more than I could have imagined. I'm saying all of this because God can take away your pain........He can take away those voids that have been missing for years! Not because He has to, but because He wants to.....and because YOU will let Him.

Thats all it takes is for you to ask.

Matthew 7:7 says "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks, finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

For some reason, I opened at this scripture and its calling for me to give it to you. (No, I'm not a freak.lol)

Luke 3:4 ..."The voice of one crying in the wilderness: Prepare the way of the Lord; Make His paths straight. Every valley shall be filled And every mountain and hill brought low;The crooked places shall be made straight And the rough ways smooth; And all flesh shall see the salvation of God."

I hope this helps a bit, in the meantime let me pray for you:

Thank you Heavenly Father for this womans love for you. The fact that she wants you in her life and is asking you to come in her life and take over. Lord, I ask that in the name of your son Jesus Christ, that you would lift her up and give peace in her heart and an abundance of blessings. Lord, I pray that she be open to your will for her and that you would guide her in knowing what to do for Christmas. Lord, I know that you don't want her to carry those feelings inside of her, that You want her to know that her life means a great deal to you, that she is so precious, and that Your mercy and grace will fill her cup and give her the peace and contentment that she needs to make it through this phase in her life. I ask that you protect her and her heart Lord, from anyone trying to hurt her, and I ask that Your amour be put around her so that she may lead the life that you want her to have, not out of fear and anger, but out of Love and Happiness. Lord, I also pray for a deeper relationship with You for her. That she would not lean on her own understand, but have FAITH that you will take care of what she cannot control. I pray all these things in Jesus name.....AMEN!

Something I used to do, when I would keep taking over the control and not let God have it, was I would pray to Jesus, and ask Him to take away my fear....I would ask Him to hold me in His arms and take away that with which was bothering me. I'd have to ask Him a million times it'd seem, but now, my FAITH is just there. I know He's in charge, and I'm thankful He's the one in control.

Don't give up on yourself. You've asked for Him to come into your life, now just LET HIM COME INTO YOUR LIFE. Don't shut Him out like you do with the rest......Let him take your pain...and feeling of aloneness.

I hope I helped at least a tiny bit!!

Keri in AZ · 12-12-2002, 05:42 PM

Hello Denise,

I hope I can help also, although I don't know if I can match Rebekah! (just kidding, but she is wonderful, such a gift to us)

I will certainly pray for peace and comfort about the Christmas season for you. I just pray that you will know God's love for you is real and true. Trusting God can be difficult, but we have to know He is in control. He is pulling you close, and wants to comfort you. And don't ever apologize for asking for prayer!! We all need it. All things are possible through Jesus. The power of prayer is amazing.

Also, I am thrilled to hear you are working on your relationship with Him. This is what He wants, for us to be close to Him. It is a never ending process I think. It takes work and love and commitment. Just always know Jesus is there when we need him. I will be praying for you, please keep in touch with us.

Sister in Christ
Keri

Yolanda · 12-12-2002, 06:28 PM

You are not alone in your sadness at Christmas. Lots of us find Christmas a lonely time, for so many reasons. Please know your not alone, we are here for you, and the Lord is here for you too. When your down, talk to Him, ask Him to hold you in His arms. He is there waiting for you. God bless.

kringstraw · 12-12-2002, 11:29 PM

Denise..

I'll be praying for you everyday during this holiday season. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. While I can't say I know exactly what you are going through I too have been extremely lonely at various times in my life.

At one point I was desperate to meet my soul mate...I prayed and told God that I was giving it up to Him. I could no longer bear the burden of loneliness. He gave me a sign in a dream that came true w/in a year...and while my DH is not perfect he is my perfect gift from the Lord.

I honestly believe that God does not give us a desire in our hearts just to see it not be fulfilled. I pray that your empitness be filled with the desires of your heart in Jesus Holy name.