I really want to adopt but........ need help

Terri · 12-20-2003, 10:54 PM

The whole thing the process intimidates me.
I mean what do we have to go through and how much do we have to spend. I mean I have a decent job and we have a house and all but I am worried we are going to be scrutinized. I think we will make excellent parents but what about my dishes that sit sometimes til the next morning lol

And what about the money issue. It is a lot of money and I don't know where we will come up with it. With our monthly bills and mortgage and all it is difficult.

I am in London ON Canada and I am just looking for support and direction. I am really scared of the process did anyone else feel that way? And, where do you start really and who do you trust?

thanks ladies

Catylou's mom · 12-20-2003, 10:59 PM

I was very intimidated also but all the hassle I had to go through was well worth it when we finally did get our beautiful DD.
I don't know how the system varies from here in Southern Calif. to where you are, but the most intimidating things for me were really the paperwork. I am a HORRIBLE housekeeper, so it was very difficult for me to keep the house tidy. I think some dishes in the sink is no big deal. However 4-5 days worth of dishes is a different story

. Which by the way I have been known to have in my house even with a dishwasher! If I can do it, it must not have been too strict. Anyway call around and start asking questions anonymously just to see what kind of things they are looking at to give yourself a headstart.

Lisa2008 · 12-21-2003, 02:38 AM

hi, we just adopted our 3 month old son ,Brandon, from Alberta's public system. It can be very intimadating, but once we got into it things ran smoothly. investigate all your possibilities, there are many ways to start a family through adoption. Each path has its own advatages and drawbacks. decide what is right for you. if you have questions about public adoption in canada feel free to pm or e mail me laniven@shaw.ca

take care, lisa

horselover · 12-22-2003, 06:16 PM

I know exactly how you feel! The whole process just seems so overwhelming. Personally, I am terrified of the homestudy. I'm afriad they won't approve me, that they won't like my house or something!
I don't have any words of wisdom for you since I am still in the early stages of this, but wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

Good luck!

ScrapbookChick · 12-22-2003, 07:19 PM

I hope this doesn't come across as condecending or "don't worry it'll be OK", because not long ago I was where you all are. Scared to death of the process and having to be approved to become a mother.

Something my social worker said on our first visit was, "I want to approve you, I want to approve almost every family I meet." It's extraordinary that anyone is turned down.

That doesn't make it any less scary to research, fill out paperwork and clean your house like crazy before the first visit though.

My advice is to ask any questions that are bothering you to the social worker. Be honest with her, without revealing everything at once if there are some concerns in your past. Try and get to know your social worker if you can and think of her as a partner in your adoption, rather than a force who wants to tell you 'no'.

I don't know the specifics with Canada, but no one expects a perfect house (certain safey things and a room for baby, yes), or tons of money in the bank or ultra high income, there are people who've had minor arrests and domestic/sexual violence in their pasts who have been approved to adopt. Really, I know of all those cases. Because the social worker saw how healed they were and that they would be good parents. That's all you have to do, show what good parents you want to be.

And now I'll add the "don't worry, it WILL turn out OK", but it takes courage to get the ball rolling and I hope you'll let the board here offer up support when you need it.

dna · 12-22-2003, 07:36 PM

Hi Terri

Welcome to the beginning of the process

We adopted Internationally from Ukraine this year, we are also in Ontario. We also have decent jobs but are by no means millionaires and we also leave dishes in the sink and I dont vaccuum all the time

Don't be afraid of the social worker and make sure you call around and talk to them on the phone for a bit and make sure he/she suits your personalities, they are there to help you adopt not rip you to shreds like everyone thinks

We are also signed up with our local CAS for a domestic adoption.

Ontario is much different than other provinces in Canada AND the USA try this website it will tell you all the countries that Ontario is allowed to adopt from

http://www.interlog.com/~ladybug/canagen.htm

If you have any other questions dont hesitate to ask

Good luck and one step at a time !
Amy

Terri · 12-22-2003, 09:56 PM

Thank you so much ladies......

You are all truely heaven sent.....

Thank you for your encouragement and tips.

Melissa that was a great boost. I feel that we will be great parents and hey if a child out there needs parents why not. I don't know if I want to risk another miscarriage. The one I had almost tore me apart. MELISSA how did you lose all that weight girl? I am envious. I am the weight you originally were now and I would love some tips.

DNA I have followed your story as well and what a great story it is. The url you left said the site was unavailable. What about the cost of adoption ladies? Realistically what am I looking at?

Again you ladies are rocking and where should I start? My local CAS, phone book for a social worker? hmmm......

I really want to adopt.

Thank you

ScrapbookChick · 12-23-2003, 10:25 AM

Terri,

Hi again.

I've only lost 17 lb. of the total I want to lose, and am on a little break during the holidays. But for me Atkins safely and almost painlessly takes the weight off.

I know our Canadian Cysters working on Domestic adoption can help steer you in the right direction as to who to call. And as DNA said, shop around for a social worker. As long as they are licensed to do home studies, you can use them.

Please accept my condolences on your miscarriage.

Your situation really touches my heart, because I too realized that adoption was my path to motherhood right after a miscarriage I had in fall of '00. My hormones were still raised and that was when it was as if this motherhood desire lit through me like a firestorm and all doubts and fears I had about adopting were lifted. It was a genuine, permanent change of heart, and my angel baby helped me come to my senses and be able to adopt their little brother and sister who now light up every moment of my days.

This is so exciting for you! Probably right after the holidays is when you'll be able to easily reach people, and if it were me, that's when I'd start burning up the phone lines.

dna · 12-23-2003, 10:45 AM

Hi Terri

I fixed the URL sorry about that...typo !!! LOL

And yup I would contact CAS and at least get signed up...that is free...

International is such a huge range its hard to pin point a cost ... once you know the country (if thats the way you choose to go) then you will know what the costs will be like...

Phone book for a social worker

you got it girl !

So thats your homework for tonite

LOL just teasing

I know this is a super exciting time for you, I remember it well and there is alot of information out there you just have to sift through it at your pace.

Any other questions we are here for you

Amy

Terri · 12-24-2003, 12:01 AM

What can I say?

AS always you women are there for guide the way. Thank you so much for your insight and guidance.

DNA I am gonna check out that site again. Thanks for a fixin'. lol

You know Melissa much like you are perhaps the others here I am really feeling a pull inside of me to adopt. I can't explain it but it is so real in my heart. And you are right maybe that is why we have angel babies. They guide us to our babies that are out there waiting and searching for us. I am truely pumped and want this.

I will keep you ladies informed all the way and thanks again. You are amazing women.

Terri