I should be giving birth this week... I was due Jan 17th. I am trying so hard to be strong and act like its not bothering me... but I did not anticipate the due date to wreck me so. But it is. I feel such an emptiness... one that no matter what I do, I cannot fill. Let me tell you... I have bought more crap than I know what to do with . I bought myself stuff which I NEVER do... Spending money has always been my weak point... or perhaps my way of filling empty places.
I am so sad. Mad. Pissed. Angry. All the emotions that I have felt are gripping me right now. I picture what my belly should look like bursting with a 9 month old baby inside of me. I don't have a belly...
I get enough sleep. I talk to friends. I spend money that I shouldn't. I eat fairly well. I have good support... but no matter what... I feel lost.
I wonder if I will feel differently after the 17th. After the day passes.
__________________ Me: 26 DH: 27
Dx: 2006
TTC Since 2005
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I think after the 17th passes you'll start healing again, i think the wounds are still very fresh and next year i think it will be easier to deal with it will never go away but it will get easier, easier to the point were you can live with it. just take you time do whatever you need to do for yourself right now to make it easier for you. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
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It's hard -- the date can bring up a lot of thoughts that you thought had been getting better. You'll probably be not well on that day, but hopefully after it passes you'll get a bit better. I'm sorry.
Due Dates....can bring you full circle to the day they told you your baby was gone....ughh....
It will get better....it will get worse...but know that you are not alone in your moments of dispair...i still cry hard and wish to GOD that it didnt happen to me...i still ask why would he even bother letting me get pregnant only to take the baby away....
I too had a severe shopping/spending coping mechanisim...i finally went into group therapy and on medication to help cope...i was in denial for so long that i just kept shopping...since i wasnt buying maternity clothes i wanted to buy things that said i am "able, capable...i am not hurt"...
MY DH doesnt have a clue too - why I'm still hurting, why I'm still talking abt our lost baby (like she's just missing..), why I can buy so many bags and still not be happy, why I'm still knitting a tiny jumper and bootees...
BUT I know he loves me more than anything and just wants me to be happy.
__________________ Me:30, DH:35, Married Mar06
TTC since Nov 06
Metformin 500 & TCM herbs
BFP on 20/12/07
Baby angelhead gone..D&C on 12/01/08
Due dates are really hard. The year after I had Eric, I bounced so many checks the bank almost closed our account. And I gained 25 lbs by eating fast food and Valentine's Day chocolate. In less than 5 months.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't know why it happens, but you're not alone. I hope this day passes quickly for you.
thanks for all of your support girls.... I asked God for something to get me through these days and I guess I got what I asked for... my mom was admitted to the hospital today and may have to have emergency surgery... so my mind has been a little distracted...
thanks again for all of your love and support- you girls rock!
__________________ Me: 26 DH: 27
Dx: 2006
TTC Since 2005
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I should have been a new mommy this week 
