I should have a 2 yr old this comming Thanksgiving. I feel like "How the hell can I be *thankful* when my child isn't with me" At the SAME time here I sit and am SO thankful for my (almost) 9 month old son! THen I am mad as hell that I lost my second child! WHen you think of it ... there is no way on GOD's green earth I could have child #2 and Normie, so why am I mad/sad with the 2nd loss? THis THanksgiving will be so VERY hard. All I keep thinking is about I should have a 2 yr old! Today was the 1st tie I didn't think about it in a week, as we are busy packing and moving, but as I "relax" my mind goes right to my 1st child! WHY? WHY? WHY? Why does this happen to ANYONE? I hate that my body is so screwed up and I am like this. As of late (like past 2 weeks or so) all I do is cry myself to sleep. My mind keeps going to the way I lost my 1st.
Hey sweetie. I am so sorry. I know exactly what you are feeling. Alex would have been 2 on the 9th. Yet, if I had not lost Alex or Sydney I wouldn't have Emma. But you cannot trade one for the other, KWIM? I want them all! Even though I know that that is impossible. Just give Norm a big hug and try to make it though the holidays the best that you can.
there is no way on GOD's green earth I could have child #2 and Normie, so why am I mad/sad with the 2nd loss?
We have the right to be grateful and sad at the same time. Now that you know how much fun Normie is, you can be even more sad/mad that you don't get to have those experiences with your first two.
thank you ladies. Everyday when I wake... I thank the good Lord for Normie. At night ... I cry for my lost children. You ladies make me feel "less" nuts when I post about being happy/sad/mad all at the same time, thanks again
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((Roxie)), sometimes I look at Dominici and totally lose it because it's not fair that his big brother's not here. And watching him grow and learn thrills me, but it's also a sad reminder that Rivi's never going to do those things. You're definitely not nuts.
I should .... (living child ment.) 
to you Roxie.
