I thought I was OK...

luxinlex · 11-01-2005, 08:37 AM

I never thought a miscarriage would bring me this unbelievable pain and sadness. The more unfortunate thing is, there seem to be no one who understands. Can anyone out there give me an idea how to deal with this?

SheriKCMO · 11-01-2005, 12:23 PM

Hang around here for a while. You will see that some of us whose losses were quite a while back are doing pretty well and moving forward with our lives. When I first experienced my loss, I couldn't imagine a time in the future when I would be happy, but now I can. In fact, most of the time I am happy now. This is a long healing process, but those really hard days in the beginning are the very worst, and knowing that there are brighter days ahead can help a lot. Sharing your story and reading others can help... that's what we are best at around here. You are not alone anymore, my cyster.
I'm so sorry about your baby and hope that you can find peace and comfort with these wonderful women.
(((Hugs)))

Mustard Seed · 11-01-2005, 02:20 PM

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. You are right in saying that there are a lot of people that don't understand. I'm sure you will come across people who think they understand, and those who tell you they can imagine what it's like to go through a m/c, but unless someone has experienced a m/c, they really don't know what it's like. You will have to just think about yourself and your dh to get through this loss. If there are friends you can't talk to right now, or places you don't want to go to, that's fine. Dealing with a loss is something you can't be told how to do. Each person grieves and deals differently. Know that even if a lot of people in your life can't understand what you're going through, there are a lot of very supportive ladies on this board that can understand, and will do their best to help you through this. ((Hugs))

saluki_fan · 11-01-2005, 02:26 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a pregnancy or baby is SOOO hard. It's not right that any woman should have to go through it.

Like Sheri said, if you hang around here for a while, you will know that you are NOT alone and your feelings are not silly. Every person grieves in their own unique way and reading other people's stories may help you as well.

If you'd like to share the details of your story, we'd all love to read it and offer support.

Welcome to Soul Cysters.

Meghan

SweetPea76 · 11-01-2005, 02:29 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. Often, people who have not suffered a loss do not understand the amount of pain that comes with it, both physical and emotional. They often are also uncomfortable with the subject of death, so even lending a sympathetic ear is hard for them to do.

Unfortunately, the girls on this board have all had our own losses and our too familiar with the pain and sadness. But they are great listeners and are here to offer anyone the support they need to get through a loss. They certainly helped me come to terms with my Angel and the fact that she is up in heaven watching down over me.

Everyone deals with the pain differently. It helped me to acknowledge my baby. I had a mass said in her honor, I have a little memory box of her u/s picture and some outifts I was given for her. I talk about how I miss her and love her, even though she was only with us a short while. I gave her a name. Others have planted trees in their baby's honor, or had remembrance bracelets made.

Sending you ((hugs)) to get through this difficult time.

Wishing you peace...

shandris · 11-01-2005, 03:23 PM

HI,
I remember when I first came to this board, I asked the same question. How to cope? One thing I learned was that everyone grieves and copes in their own way. Also, there are many stages and phases. I had days where I could not get out of bed. On other days I could get out of bed I was in a complete fog all day long. I only felt ok and safe at home with DH right next to me. Thursday will make 6 weeks since lossing my son Tyler, and I can honestly say that I am still a big mess on the inside, the outside is getting a little easier to control. The pain in the beginning was unbelievable, and it still is sometimes. We all still have our moments, I am having one right now. I wish this was something that would pass, but the truth is that it will be with you and all of us always. Noone can take away your pain, but time will help to lessen it one day. As much as I would like for it not too, at least for a little while, life does continue all around us. There are a lot of women here on this board who know EXACTLY what you are feeling. It helps to have someone who really knows your pain and heartache (that is what it is...heartache...the most appropriate word for I can think of to describe it). It amazes me how many woman have lost their babies...how frequently this happens. I remember what it was like to read about a loss while I was still pregnant. I would see posts that read "I am sorry for your loss" and then the subject would be changed. I would feel so badly for that cyster, but not until I experienced my own loss did I truly understand their loss. My heart aches for each and every one of us on this board. And sometimes I wonder how so many of us continue on each day...especially those with multiple angel babies. One day it will not consume you, and one day it will hurt a little less. As I have been told many times before, be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel however you need to, whenever you need to. Mostly, remember that there are a lot of cysters here who will listen (read) and be here for support.

jnmanderson · 11-01-2005, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luxinlex

I never thought a miscarriage would bring me this unbelievable pain and sadness. The more unfortunate thing is, there seem to be no one who understands. Can anyone out there give me an idea how to deal with this?

So sorry for you loss! Butyou are not alone

All of us have been there and many are dealing with what you are.

I have honestly had the same thought. I agree with the others that tell you kind of have to take it situation by situation. While in my heart of hearts that was my 1st baby - I don't really want to explain it to some people. Main reason is I realize there are many insenstive people out there and many people that will just say stupid things I don't want to hear.

Just wanted to share my opinion and let you know here on this board we do understand and we are here for you! In supporting each other we help ourselves!

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 11-01-2005, 05:36 PM

Luxinlex, I'm so sorry you have to be here, but, I'm glad you found us. I'm so sorry for your loss. There is no pain like losing a child. Everyone here has experience at least one loss some of several. You are among friends here, Cysters actually. Please post whenever you need help or encouragement, or just need to vent. The good days are coming, but there will be bad ones mixed in there too. We are here to support you during both. Look around the board and read some of the stories, and you'll see that we understand what you are going through. Post you story when you are ready we would all like to read it. Email or PM me anytime!

Guateangel13003 · 11-01-2005, 05:36 PM

Allow yourself some time to grieve, it is such a difficult thing to cope with and I a still trying to find a way to deal with it myself. Just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss

Hugs,
Michelle

VivC · 11-01-2005, 05:57 PM

Everyone has said it perfectly. Please share your baby's story when you're able. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Viv

Gnzls924 · 11-02-2005, 12:35 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. Take each day, one at a time. Allow yourself to cry and don't worry about others for now. We are here for you!!

(((hugs)))

JuliannePCOS · 11-03-2005, 05:14 PM

((hugs))

So sorry to hear about your loss.

I thought I was ok, but I've started counseling now to talk about it. Can't hurt to do that!