CrazyBeautiful

I've been down before, but never this low.

It's a quote from a favorite song of mine, but truly sums up my overall feeling over the past week. Finding this board has really been amazing for me. I've read so much since I've joined that has been very helpful and definitely reminds me that I'm not alone in this fight. The worst thing about my PCOS is my facial hair. It's the one thing about the nasty disease that is difficult to hide. It's there, on our faces, for the entire world to see.

I need to just get my feelings out of my system. A quick piece of my mind if you care to listen.

I just don't want to go on anymore somtimes, more feelings recently than ever before. This fight is too hard for me. It's bigger than me. It has changed me, and not for the better. I just want to change ONE thing about myself. I can deal with a lot of ****, but not this.

Why me? Why anyone? But at the end of the day I ask, why me? I hate feeling empty and alone. I hate hiding in the darkness. I hate hiding the real me. I hate mirrors. I hate sunshine. I hate light. I hate cameras. I don't hate these things, my PCOS hate them. My PCOS makes me fear them.

I cry and cry and cry, alone. I'm scared to confide in someone, but I need someone to confide in. So I sit alone feeling empty and lost.

I get over it. I have good days. Then I hit a bump in the road, aka a reminder of my flaw, and the vicious cycle begins.

It's a hard battle. How will we EVER win?














I won't.

shaunsmom04

girlfriend i know just how you feel. i do not have the facial hair but the disease has cause me to be obese and i hate looking at myself. i tried dieting and excercise and i do not lose any weight. i am depressed and have lack of energy all the time. i wonder if my husband even thinks i look good. he says im beautiful but i do no believe it. i see babies and pregnant women and want to cry. i feel like no one understands me.

CrazyBeautiful

No one but us understands us.

That's why it's so depressing...

psych101

I wish I could reach you to hug you...I know exactly how you feel. I really hate that feeling of hopelessness. I've struggled with depression off and on through my life...some times worse than others. The best things that helped me were the things I wanted to avoid the most....sunshine and getting involved with something outside of my self. I wanted to keep it natural so I've tried SAM-e and 5-HTP to help alleviate the depression symptoms...they both work wonderfully...you just have to give them time to get into your system before a noticeable difference is apparent.
Sunshine really does help the most...just getting out of the house helps. I know its easier to stay inside and hide. I know you think it is less stressful to keep away from everyone and everything you enjoy by avoiding it all together. I still have days like that myself sometimes...but what brings me out of that funk is deciding "ok, enough is enough...I am better than this and I am going to be proactive and face this head on. I will do my best to get through today and worry about tomorrow when I wake up tomorrow. What I can control, I will control...and learn to make the best of the rest of it as I go. I want people to remembering me smile."

Yes, it is a hard battle. And if we stand back and let the big picture overwhelm us, we won't win. But, if we take each small challenge as it comes...make the best of it...and decide to smile anyway...we will certainly win in the end...and be a stronger person because of it all. You are unique and you are beautiful. When someone tells you that, believe it...and thank them for the compliment.

(b vitamins also really truly help with energy and mood too! Try some Emergen-C for some instant zippadeedooda!...and writing helps, thank you for sharing yourself with us)