I want to tell him...

Ka Mai Kim · 09-21-2005, 09:50 PM

I have been seeing this guy for about a month now (actually, we first met in person on the 21st of August, so pretty much exactly a month as of today). I talked about him in this thread a couple weeks ago. I am really developing feelings for him I think. We've both told each other that we really like each other a lot, and the past couple of times I've been out with him, we've ended up being rather, um, intimate. Therein lies my problem.

I am so scared that he is going to notice my hair. He seems to like to touch my face, which makes me nervous. And the hair on my face is the LEAST of my problems. I want to tell him about my PCOS, and the hair, because I don't want him to notice it, unprepared, and freak out. Assuming he would freak out, which I don't know that he would. And then again, I don't want to overwhelm him so soon into our relationship. I don't want to scare him off. I am also scared that he won't be able to deal, or won't be as sweet a guy as he seems to be and will just reject me outright because I am a freak.

I've never had to do this before, and I am scared. I don't know if I should wait. If I wait, I run the risk of falling even harder for this guy, and if he rejects me because of my PCOS, I don't know that I could handle it. If I told him now, and he rejects me, it would still hurt, but I would probably be able to handle it better. I am so confused and sad at the prospect of ruining something that could be good, at least for a little while.

I would just hold out and not say anything, hoping he never notices, but I don't see how he could not notice. I am sure that I am much more aware of my flaws than other people, but they still seem blatantly obvious. I just don't want to be thinking, every time he touches my face, when will he say something about the stubble?

ChloeM · 09-21-2005, 10:25 PM

Hello KimberlaySue,

First of all what part of MO are you in.I'm a born midwest chick also, from KC,just moved out to Seattle 6 mos ago...Ok anyway back to the subject,I completely understand what your going thru.I was so self conscious about the hair on my face for so long.I didn't just have your typical lil' fine excessive hair.I had black course hairs that turned into ingrowns that lead to hyperpigmentation and so on

..Thank GOD for laser.After 6 treatments,NO MORE ingrowns,and the lil' hair that's left (because of my DNA!!!,not PCOS)is so fine,you can't see it,or if someone touches my face they can't feel it.So number one I don't know what your doing or using to get rid of the hair on your face.If your finances allow you,definiately invest in laser,I'm a witness,it's well worth it.If not you can't afford it try waxing,vaiquna cream(have to get a script for it though),sally hensen's bleaching cream(over the counter)it dosen't remove the hair,but it lightens the haircolor so the hair is less noticeable,plucking(although my skin hyperpigmentated though from this) and I wouldn't recommend shaving at all.Lastly I wouldn't open up to him about something so personal yet.I believe you said you met him last month and so although the emotions maybe high,I feel it's still too soon to open up something so intimate yet.If it all works out,on down the line,when your heart feels @ peace about telling him,then do so... Also true beauty is within,so you give it time and see if he can fall in love with you on the inside and if it's real love,once you tell him,it shouldn't be a issue.Matter of fact a real man supports you not matter what and is part of the solution and not the problem...That's why were blessed with this site so we can talk and share with women with our same issues and not be embarassed because were all dealing with the same thing.I hope this helps..Good Luck and God Bless

Hayles · 09-21-2005, 10:35 PM

YOU ARE NOT A FREAK! I would just be up front with him I know thats really hard to do but beter you be upset now If he turns out to be a toad then in a few months time good luck hun I really hope he is a true prince for you! Don't go into all the details just go an overveiw i say & if he wants to know more he will ask! best of luck

Amanda04 · 09-21-2005, 11:35 PM

I can definitely understand your fear, I have the same myself! The way I see it, I would just be upfront and pray for the best. If he is truly meant to be yours, he will understand. If not, better off knowing now than later.

Good luck!

DiamondInTheRough · 09-22-2005, 12:02 AM

Look, your hair is your business. I've met my husband 8 years ago, and we've been married for six. We've never discussed it. And that's the way I'd like to keep it. Sure, it is obvious. He knows it, I know he knows it. That's that. It is part of you, it is an intimate part of you. You take care of it however you do, and if he really loves you, he will see past it (and learn to love it). Guys aren't perfect either, believe me. Everyone has something they'd rather be without. I just don't want you to go through life thinking you need to explain this to people, it frankly isn't anyone's business. Granted it is harder to live with it, you have to plan everything around it practically - yet still, it's highly personal. You are still a whole person, and no one is worthy enough for you feeling the need to explain it, in hopes that they'll continue to love/accept you.

Arina74 · 09-22-2005, 02:38 AM

Quote:

no one is worthy enough for you feeling the need to explain it, in hopes that they'll continue to love/accept you.

Very well put!!!

Ka Mai Kim · 09-22-2005, 02:38 AM

Thank you guys. You've definitely given me some good input. I'm going to have to do some "soul searching", I think. I am still feeling very indecisive as to what I should do.

I guess I am just absolutely terrified of being rejected for something I can't control. Although, I am sure that if he would do something like that, then he isn't worth it anyway, but it's still a fear of mine.

StarMaiden · 09-22-2005, 03:05 AM

If you find yourself in a position to say something about it, can't you just give a part explanation or excuse like, "Oh, some of us are just extra fuzzy, and it drives me crazy!" or "Yeah, this is a cosmetic issue for me, and dealing with it sometimes makes me insecure about it. You know, those whacky girl hormones!?"

That way you can get your tentativeness about it out in the open, and you can get a feel for whether this is something he's even noticed, or something that might bother him, without going into the full and detailed explanation of PCOS. Somehow, it seems early in the relationship to spill the whole story on him, and some guys would be overwhelmed by the complexity of the whole syndrome at first. Maybe sneak up on an explanation so you don't spill out your whole heart prematurely, before you know this person betteer?

RaRa · 09-22-2005, 05:44 AM

I know how you feel, truly I do. When I met my husband 6 years ago, I had very coarse dark hair on my chin and neck, which I could only remove my shaving. I was constantly worried that he would see or touch it, and I used to lock myself in the bathroom to "get rid" of it. I kept it to myself until I felt secure enough in the relationship to know that it wouldnt bother him. We had fallen in love after about 6 months, and thats when I told him.

I didnt go into the full details of PCOS, cause to be honest I didnt know much about it myself until I found SC a few weeks ago, I just told him that I had "girlie" probs. He was very understanding and now we can actually laugh with each other about it sometimes - whos stubble is better! lol

I agree that if he is the right person, he wont dump you because of it.

Ka Mai Kim · 09-22-2005, 03:50 PM

I think I have decided that I am going to wait. If he asks, or notices, then I'll give a brief explanation, but otherwise I don't think I'll mention it. It is a hard thing to talk about. The only two people who know about ALL the symptoms I suffer from are my 2 best friends.

I am so glad I have some place I can come to get this stuff off my chest

You guys are a huge help to me. Thank you.

soul cyster · 09-22-2005, 04:08 PM

Yes, I was going to say that I would wait until you had been in the relationship longer. And, if he has already touched your face and keeps coming back for more, I really wouldn't worry about it until later.