myrosepetal

Hello Everyone, I have a bit of a problem and don't know what to do. We lost our second baby in November (11 weeks). My doctor told me to wait 2 months before we start to try again. Well that date is approaching very fast and now my husband has dropped the bomb that he doesn't want to try again for another 6 months. He says it is because he wants to pay off the hospital bills from the D&C and also buy a new car. I am completly shocked that he would rather get a new car than have a baby.
I am just stuck now on what I'm suppose to do. All I have been doing is counting down the days when I can get pregnant again. Its been a hard time now anyway, our first baby would have been born this month. All I think about is baby baby baby. Has anyone else had a spouse with the same feelings and if so how did you deal with it?

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Cyster1976

I am sorr that you are going through this... My situation is a little similar we were adopting...after abby died dh wanted nothing to do with babies or ttc. Nothing I said to him made him want to change his mind or think about it...I think the only thing that changed his mind was time. I think he was afraid to even try because he couldn't bear it if it happened to us. Then one day he just looked at me and said he was ready. I wish I could give you the advice you are seeking but what worked for us was just for me to let him get over what happened even though he didn't show it he was deeply hurt by losing our daughter. Now that he has had that healing time he can devote his energy ttc. good luck I hope that things work out for you

hugs
Jayde

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♥Jayde♥
Me (30) DH (39)
DX'd in 1999
TTC #1 since 1998
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for a 2007 miracle
Meds: Met 1500mgs, Vitex, prenatal vit.
Ovarian Diathermy 4-13-07
Mom to 2 dogs Buster and Lennon and 2 kitties Tuffie and Rowdie Mae


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Baby girl we were to adopt...lived for one hour.

sweetsmom

Join the club Maybe we should have our own thread for this. I am really sorry you are going through this as well. Maybe over time he will change his mind. Guys are different for us and his wanting a new car and to pay off the bills may be as simple as not wanting to have to worry about those things when you do get pregnant again, KWIM? He also may not be ready emotionally yet. Give him a little time and try not to be pushy. At one point DH and I had an agreement that I would not tell him that it was the important time of the cycle bc it was too much for us both to focus on it. We needed to have a little fun and enjoy eachother. My daughter is the result of that

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Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."



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Started November 15th and 22 pounds lost!

Walk America in 2007 in memory of my little Jackson. Go to walkamerica.org/sweetsmom to support me.

angelzmom

Jana

That may just be the reason that he is giving you. I know for my DH the losses were very hard on him and then he also saw what they did to me, and for him waiting was a way of sparing me more pain (at least the way that he saw it). I know that it is sooooo hard to wait, but maybe try giving him some time and then try to talk about it again. Know that your cysters are here if/when you need to talk.

Good luck
Kath

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IR Diet - it's called a diet but it is really a lifestyle change
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JennieRie

Hi all. This is the first time I'm posting on this thread. I've been trying to forget about the miscarriage. I know it's impossible, but I've really been trying to go out and have a good time. The day I miscarried is honestly the worst day of my life to this point, and I my husband was the same way. That day, through uncontrollable sobs, he said he couldn't take trying again. He didn't want the stress of the drugs, appointments, my crazy obsession with having a baby, and so on. I actually felt a sense of relief. I think it was because I was hurting so bad that I couldn't even imagine it happening again. It has only been 2 and a half weeks, but we talk about it every day. Last night he said that he wanted to try again as soon as we could. So my point is, that I think men have the fear of seeing us go through that pain again. I know that was/is my husband's fear. There is no way to change his mind, I think time is the best answer. As for now, go out and be good to yourselves. Remember all of the things you loved to do before all of this stress came into your lives. I know nothing helps, I think I just write these things to try to convince myself. However, I do believe that you have to move on, no dwelling. We will all be blessed someday. You're all in my prayers.

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Jen
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Me-25
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DH-29
TTC #1 for 2 years 6 months
Metformin 1500mg
6 Rounds - Clomid
3 Rounds - Follistim
Miscarried 1/25/07 at 13 wks
Miscarried 7/25/07 at 8 weeks

BFP - 12/7/07
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VivC

I agree with Kath. I doubt it's really about a new car at all. Your hubby's probably still grieving, and terrified it might happen again.

Have you had RPL testing done?

Viv

myrosepetal

No we haven't. My doctor told me that they wouldn't do any testing until after the thrid loss. My insurance doesn't cover anything and he said that it can get costly.

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VivC

OOH - I HATE that! I wonder if you could at least get the basic clotting disorders testing done? If not through this doc, through another one (I'd want another one anyway - this attitude is awful). I'm so sorry!