Oh Dawn, I really feel for you. I have just posted about how off metformin I have the most terrible self esteme issues. Basically I hate myself just like you do. For me the metformin stops this hate feeling, although like you I still dread going out. I find I have problems because my body doesn't match me and how I live in it.
It is a horrible hole to have to dig yourself out of but you have to. You really do. Believe me. Lots of people here will want to help you.
You are looking at your life a certain way, you are putting emphasis on certain things. Look for the good things in your life.
Make me a list, go on, even if you can only think of one thing. I will wait, read it and get back to you.
Edit:
I have been thinking about this and think I haven't given you the best advice. I think sitting thinking about your life in any light might not make you feel better.
I remember some of the things I did and I know recognisisng anxiety as a
physical reaction made it a lot better to deal with. Physical reactions in my body made me think about my life in a certain way. Once I got my head round that it lost a certain amount of power and I didn't jusdge myself and my surroundings so harshly.
Like I said metformin took away what ever was causing that physical trigger. You need to talk to someone to see what is causing your anxiety and work towards not picking on yourself and your life.
There may only be small things in life that make you happy, but when you get home froma day at work and close the doors those small things are the most important.
You might already know this but your anxiety or depression is not letting you appreciate it. If you feel you are angry and stressed speak to someone about finding the cause. Look at how you eat and treat yourself, do you look after yourself properly.
Stress and depression are horrible things, do whatever you can to defeat them but don't blame or hate yourself for suffering.
xx
I wish I would disappear 
