emjayah

I'm new to the boards here, but I'm so glad to have found them. I was diagnosed with PCOS in April 2003 - and it is only since i have started TTC, that the actual effects of PCOS have got me down. I managed to get pregnant rather easily, and we found out November 9 I was expecting, and due on July 18 - my little cousins birthday. Things were fine, until about the 14th of November, when I started spotting - and November 19th, I miscarried. I was only 5w4d at the time, but my baby was so wanted. The miscarriage has really knocked me, and my partner, for six.

I named my baby Isaiah James - I was sure I was carrying a boy. I now have two angels. When I was 18 I found out I was pregnant, and my parents & ex boyfriend forced me to have an abortion... Jayden Scott I named him - I wanted him so badly as well. And I can't help but feel that losing Isaiah, was punishment for not fighting harder for my sweet Jayden.

It is so hard, knowing that today i'd be 14w pregnant. I hate the constant thoughts of "I should still be pregnant" - and I know that once my EDD comes (now i wish it wasn't my cousin's b/day also), I am going to go through the "I should have a __ month old now" thing... I have gone through it all since my loss of Jayden... it took so much out of me...

We are actively starting to TTC again after my next period (hopefully only about 22 days) - however we aren't exactly preventing it happening this cycle.. I would love to get pregnant again this cycle, because knowing i'm TTC adds so much stress to it all...

My fear though, is that i'm going to m/c again. I am not sure I can go through that again. I beleive i m/c due to low progesterone levels, so am considering purchasing some progesterone cream.

I should stop this rambling now,
but thank you for listening
Emma

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VivC

((Emma)). Your loss now has nothing to do with your earlier abortion. I refuse to believe that God punishes us that way. After all, he wouldn't just be punishing YOU by taking your angel baby - he would also be punishing your family, and your baby. And he wouldn't do that.

It's normal to try to find reasons, but sometimes there just aren't any. I promise that it eventually becomes easier to deal with the unknowns.

Please take care of yourself right now - you're going through the worst thing anyone ever could.

Viv

emjayah

thank you. When i'm feeling rational - I know my m/c wasn't punishment.. but when i'm feeling irrational, then I feel it was some form of punishment. I know things will get better... i'm clinging to that hope actually!

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SheriKCMO

things do get easier... i'm sorry for your missing babies. i hope that you find joy and hope again soon and the courage to plan for the future children in your family. it CAN happen, believe me.

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Sheri:36 Hubby:36
Metformin 1500mg since 10/02, Yasmin since 4/06, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs

First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.

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Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks

Third pregnancy, Cerclage 8/13-1/19

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Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage 8/26-1/26

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Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs

Time to lose this weight!

beccy-bec

I was thinking the same as you about my progesterone levels but I don't think you can just purchase the cream as you can in the USA I think you need to get it on prescription which there is then the case of getting a GP to prescribe it which i don't think they do freely. Let me know if you know of a place to buy it from because I would be really interested in getting some myself.

emjayah

Beccy - i'm doing a search right now, so if I come up with anything I will PM you okay!

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