I would like a mans point of view.

SHYGIRLAJB · 03-12-2007, 01:56 PM

Hi

I am just asking this as it is a very delicate question. Well for quite some time now I have lack of sex drive, and have not been intimate with my partner for quite some time (poor partner, he must be very frustrated) I just don’t feel like doing anything. I think the problem started was down to my periods being all over the place, and I am now on Antidepressants( I think these makes things worse). I feel awful and sorry for my partner. He doesn’t say anything but he must get annoyed with it.

Do you have the same problems with your wife, girlfriend etc if so how do you react and cope with the situation. If it has happened to people in the past and got their sex drive back, what did you do to get it back?

Sorry for all of the questions.

Cheers

Shygirlajb

Reesha86 · 03-17-2007, 06:16 AM

I know, I am not a man, but from another Cyster's experiences, I too have lost my sex drive. I too have been on anti-depressants. But my whole life I have been on a natural roller coaster and I just go with the flow of things. Usually, it comes back (my sex drive) when I am OFF the anti-depressants, and I go off them when my roller coaster heads back up. I just worry about that down hill slump. I never "STOP" though. We take long breaks and DF handles it just fine. Sometimes I will give in just for him, and sometimes you have to... it makes you feel better too because it naturally releases a chemical that makes you feel better. Or if I just can bring myself to "put out", I give him a hand or two

Sometimes introducing something new into your sex life can bring back that fire that you lost. Hope any of this can help. Good Luck.

ickle pands bf · 03-17-2007, 02:12 PM

i am one of the fortunate ones, my DG hasnt really lost her sex drive.

Though we do take some breaks as you cant have sex all the time.

What i would say, is talk to your partner and find out what he is thinking, is he concerned about the lack of sex? all that sort of stuff.

Does he know you have PCOS? If so, does he understand the consequences of PCOS?

I know i go on about knowing what its all about, but really the partner knowing can help the lass that has the PCOS....

SHYGIRLAJB · 03-18-2007, 09:46 PM

Hi

Sorry for not writing sooner, many thanks for answering my post.

Reesha86 - Many thanks for your reply, at the moment I just don't really want to do anything. I will have to just wait until I find the courage to speak the the Doctor about the problem(as I am too embarrassed and shy about this problem can't really speak to anyone about it).

ickle pands bf - Many Thanks for your reply. My partner has not really said anything about the lack of sex. I will have to try and build up the courage and talk to him, I find the whole thing really embarrassing and I am really shy.

Also I have not had a proper diagnosis for pcos yet, I am seeing a consultant on the 12 April. Hopefully I will know if I have pcos or not.

Cheers

SHYGIRLAJB

ickle pands bf · 03-19-2007, 02:18 PM

your welcome, if you need any more advice just ask lass

There isnt a need to feel embarrased, you have an illness that affects more and more women each year.

There are plenty of girls on here that would be willing to offer advise, if in fact you do have PCOS when you see the doctor.

Neechogan · 03-19-2007, 04:52 PM

Hi Shygirl,

First of all, it takes a lot of courage to talk about something so personal. It took everything I had to come out and talk about the pain that I feel because of what PCOS has done to my wife, how it has affected her sex drive, and ultimately how it has affected our marriage. Good for you! Don't be afraid and keep your chin up.

I'm the man who start the "Husband's view of PCOS" thread about 8 months ago but our battle with PCOS I would say started about 7 years ago with what I would describe as a rapid decline in her sex drive. We went though a lot - fights, accusations of infidelity, and we both shed way too many tears for a young couple to shed. We knew nothing about PCOS until she was finally diagnosed almost 3 years ago and when we did our research we learned that PCOS was quite possibly the reason for our heartache.

Some people who read my posts believe I'm whining about not getting sex but that's not it at all. My wife and I have sex but I know deep down, that while my wife "gives in" to my desires, she does so only because she doesn't want to break my heart. She has told me that she just doesn't get horny anymore and that its hard for her to get into the groove and this is evident by the fact that she just lays there during sex and doesn't actively participate. No kissing, no touching....nothing, like a lifeless doll. I know her libido is so low that the only reason she has sex with me is out of obligation and nothing else.

So how has it affected me? Well, where do I start. Sometimes I'm bitter but now that I understand PCOS better, I no longer project my bitterness on to her because I realize that her absolute lack of desire is not her fault. There's not a lot of intimacy in our relationship anymore and sometimes when she pushes me away, even when all I want to do is hug her and give her a little kiss makes my chest hurt so bad that I once thought that I was having a heart attack - I guess that it was my heart breaking. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep, actually not sometimes, a lot - a lot more than I should. I think I cry because I don't feel like my wife has any emotional connection to me anymore, that she doesn't love me anymore. Sometimes, I don't feel like a man.

I've thought about cheating, I'll be honest, but I can't do that to her. She deserves better. Sometimes, I think about asking for a divorce but I love her far to much to want to end our marriage. She keeps telling me to find a surrogate lover to fill my needs but I can't do that either.

My advice to you ShyGirl is please don't wait. Talk to your doctor about treatment. Talk to your partner about what is happening, how its affecting your body and your ability to become aroused. Most importantly talk to him / her (hey its the 21st century) about how its affecting them and how he / she is feeling. Open up the lines of communication now and don't wait for the fighting and the doubts and the tears! You really don't want to go through what my wife and I are experiencing.

Finally, don't give up. If your partner loves you and cherishes you, he/she will be there to support you through this thing. Also, don't stop touching. The need for touch is such a deep rooted human need and the devastation that a lack of touch can create is huge.

Talk to him / her - it will prevent a lot of heartache and maybe some heart break.

Good luck, SHyGirl.