as if I didnt seem weird enough on these boards,but im really struggling with something and wanted some insight.
I had an isolated childhood,because no one wanted me around,I was the fat kid,and I was always picked on,so I just started staying inside the house to avoid being beaten up and harrassed.
The bullying got so bad at school that I ended up having a nervous breakdown and the pyschiatrist signed papers that ended up pulling me out of school,and I had home schooling until I was 18 and then took a GED....Ever
since then I stayed out of public by being a full time nanny and babysitter to my sisters kids,and then by the time I was 17 i got some strange illnesses was disabled and never dated.......well to make a long story short I married the first guy who would accept me,without knowing him,and its been awful ever since,my health and body pain is so bad that i keep myself locked in an apartment have no social life,cant drive and have no idea why I exist!!! I just need some good advice and how can I find my self???
I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time. A lot of your early to mid-20's is about finding out who you are and who you want to be. And I think that continues throughout life to some extent. You may want to talk with a counselor. I don't know how common agoraphobia is (fear of going outside - I may have mispelled it), but you may be dealing with something that with the appropriate medications you could get through easier.
I hope you're able to find some answers and help. (((HUGS)))
__________________ Christy (30) married to Earl (42) since 1/17/97
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A lot of people have identity crises in their 20s-- it's a great time to try a bunch of new things to forge a path in life.
Because of the agoraphobia, I would strongly recommend seeing a therapist as your first thing (I would also recommend someone who is trained in cognitive behavioral therapy, but there are many other choices for dealing with phobias-- if what you're doing isn't working for you, try someone else).
Next I would spend some time thinking about what you enjoy doing. A few years ago one of my girlfriends was having a similar crisis and decided that she hated her job and all she liked doing was playing video games. So she became a game tester, moved up the chain, and now she writes dialogue for Playstation. Think about what you like and what you need to do to get there from here.
I don't know what kind of disability you have, but it sounds like you might want to see more specialists. If you keep trying you may eventually find one who can figure out what's wrong. Nobody should have to live in constant pain. Are you on DI? Do you have medical insurance?
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I agree with others when they say to find someone that can help you out. I too, was always picked on when growing up about my weight. And even to this day, I'm 25, and sometimes while walking down the street, I wonder, 'is someone going to yell something out to me to pick on me?' Kids can be very mean. And I bet, if you were to run into the same people now, they would be totally different. But things like that unfortunately really seem to stick. Are you happy with your husband? But the first step is definitely to find a therapist or someone you can speak to and get help with, and the rest will go from there. I hope things get better for you soon.
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Identity Crisis at 25!!! 
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I agree with others when they say to find someone that can help you out. I too, was always picked on when growing up about my weight. And even to this day, I'm 25, and sometimes while walking down the street, I wonder, 'is someone going to yell something out to me to pick on me?' Kids can be very mean. And I bet, if you were to run into the same people now, they would be totally different. But things like that unfortunately really seem to stick. Are you happy with your husband? But the first step is definitely to find a therapist or someone you can speak to and get help with, and the rest will go from there. I hope things get better for you soon.
