Identity Crisis due to hair growth/loss

VeggieGirl · 02-07-2008, 03:23 PM

Does anyone else struggle with their identity because of hair growth and loss? Lately I feel like down because of my appearance, and I wonder if make-up or a change of hair style would help. But, I pride myself on having a natural appearance and I don't WANT to wear make-up. I started wearing foundation in high school and I had a hard time giving it up until about 1 1/2 years ago. It was really liberating for me to go bare-faced and I really don't want to get back into a make-up routine. Same with my hair- I wore it pixiecut style for 4 years and just now grew it out to chin-length. Ironically, as soon as I started growing it out, my incredibly thick hair thinned and now I feel like it's flat and boring. I'm so tempted to cut it short again (although I think that would make it more apparent that it's thinning), but I really want long hair now!

Every day, I feel like crap because of the way that I look. I feel like I could fix it with make-up and a haircut, but then I'd be compromising my "identity". Ugh.

mssaprl9 · 02-07-2008, 03:53 PM

Are you doing anything about your hairloss? Medications can help! I know how you feel..but Im doing everything I can to help myself.

VeggieGirl · 02-08-2008, 11:47 AM

I'm taking Biotin daily and making sure that I'm getting my omega 3s and B12 (I'm vegan). As for other treatments- I don't have insurance and even if I did, I don't know if I would try Flutamide or other medications because I'm becoming very conscious of what I put in my body. I'm on Yasmin, although I don't like the concept of birth control, but it's the one thing that helps with excess hair growth for me.

I tried Saw Palmetto and it did damage to my urinary tract. I'll never take that again.

I've also tried Spiro, but I have abnormally low blood pressure and my previous doctors never felt comfortable putting my on a therapeutic dosage due to it's BP-lowering effects.

I've tried shampoos and conditioners designed for hair loss, but they always leave my hair greasy and make it look even worse.

I'm thinking of trying the Lush "new" shampoo bar, which is vegan and contains cinnamon. It's designed for women with thinning hair.

So, to answer your question, yes and no. I could be doing more, and who knows, if my hair loss gets worse, I might end up changing my views on medications like Flutamide...

Sometimes I wish I could live on an island with 1000 other ladies with PCOS. It would be such a supportive environment!

ScaredSally · 02-08-2008, 01:54 PM

Oh my lord is this condition deleberating of how we see ourselves my self esteem is S*hit because my hair is a mess and I cant do anythign wiht it plus I already wear cosmetic hair .. the increasing grwoth on my body juts makes me feel like a guy ... I used to be proud of the way I look and now I cant stand getting too near a mirror

You are on two of the "treatments" already .. spiro and yasmin ...... its horrendous i feel for you

VeggieGirl · 02-08-2008, 02:13 PM

ScaredSally, it's so true. I'm consumed by my appearance. I find myself staring at everyone around me, looking at their hair and wishing mine could be like theirs. And my hair loss isn't even BAD yet- it's thin, but I doubt anyone notices unless they've known me for years.

I always assume that if someone is looking at me, they're thinking something negative like "she's ugly" or "her hair looks ridiculous". I didn't used to be so self-conscious and it has transferred to everything about me, not just my hair loss or excess body growth. Now I worry about my clothes and accessories, like if I was more "put together" that it would make up for my hair loss. I think about these things all throughout the day, every day. And like I said, mine's not that bad. So I definitely feel for those of you who have more advanced symptoms.

mssaprl9 · 02-08-2008, 04:57 PM

Mines not bad either..but hairloss does NOT run in my family. But if you don't try any treatments it will most def get worse over time. If you cant use spiro or flutamide maybe Rogaine would help? But theres not much else.

joyblack · 02-08-2008, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScaredSally

Oh my lord is this condition deleberating of how we see ourselves my self esteem is S*hit because my hair is a mess and I cant do anythign wiht it plus I already wear cosmetic hair .. the increasing grwoth on my body juts makes me feel like a guy ... I used to be proud of the way I look and now I cant stand getting too near a mirror

I can't say that I was ever proud of the way I look, because the testosterone hit me almost as soon as puberty did, so that my breasts never really got further than budding and by the time I was 15 I was having to shave my moustache every day -- which was more moustache growth than almost any of the boys my age. Sure, my legs were extraordinarily hairy for a girl, but at least other girls had to shave their legs. I was flat-chested and like a guy and shaved my moustache like a guy. In fact it was the fact that I kept my hair long and wore skirts that almost certainly stopped a lot of people mistaking me for a guy. I felt dreadful about the way I looked and really couldn't see a way forward.

Now, I freely admit that what changed things for me was the guy who's now my dh who saw me without padding and with obvious moustache stubble and still -- amazingly -- wanted me. And it's his attitude and the fact that I know he wants me that has slowly but very effectively changed the way I look at myself. Yes, it's true that though I most certainly wouldn't want it that way, there are some things about me that are definitely like a guy. I've got a moustache like a guy and I've had that since the start of my teens. Longer than most guys, in fact. And I'm flat-chested. Very, very, nearly like a guy, except for my nipples. It's no use pretending I'm feminine -- I'm not and I can't be. But I'm most definitely female and I'm most definitely heterosexual. And amazingly, we've been able to have kids, which no-one really expected.

I admit that I've really worked tremendously hard to give dh more out of his relationship with me than he could ever get from anyone else. But I'm certain that I've got as much fun out of it as he has.

So what I'm saying is, Don't be despondent because you "feel like a guy" -- it's possible to have some things about one that not only feel like a guy but are like a guy, but that doesn't stop you being female and it doesn't need to stop you having a great heterosexual relationship. You don't need to be feminine to have a great relationship. I never thought there was the slightest chance I'd ever get anyone -- but it's 34 years since dh and I met and we've been married for 32 years and we're still enjoying the physical as well as the other aspects of our relationship after all that time.

genevagirl · 02-08-2008, 06:01 PM

the hairloss is a mess.
scared sally, i was like you, i was so proud of how i looked.
i hope this does not sound snob, but i really was a beautiful women.
i had a lot of men who was trying to date me.
and now??? i am just a peace of trash. all the men from back in the days they would not reconigze me again.
now i wear every day a scarf to hide my hairloss (which is very bad on temples which goes till my ears)
i try to wear a lot of make up, but this is just not me, just to hide my hairloss, acne etc.
the hairloss is the worst sympton of pcos for me.

KatCarney · 02-08-2008, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VeggieGirl

I'm taking Biotin daily and making sure that I'm getting my omega 3s and B12 (I'm vegan). As for other treatments- I don't have insurance and even if I did, I don't know if I would try Flutamide or other medications because I'm becoming very conscious of what I put in my body. I'm on Yasmin, although I don't like the concept of birth control, but it's the one thing that helps with excess hair growth for me.

I guess we're all different. I'm conscious of what I put in my body, too. You couldn't pay me to go on any BCP, but I'd go on flutamide again, in a heart beat.

I didn't have to take it too long, but what it did for me was more than just cosmetic...it helped my self esteem, which, in turn, allowed me to focus on other things I needed to do to help my pcos - like eat healthy and get to the gym 6 days a week. Not for 'weight loss' because diet and exercise had such a huge impact on my hormonal profile - even more than meds.

Working out also made a big difference in my self esteem - even before I saw any significant changes on the scale.

rocknroll · 02-08-2008, 07:38 PM

what is so bad as regards the birth control pill???
i could not live without it really.

Anyway i can relate to you. Managing my hormones help me for everyhting right away except hairloss..i mean i am not shedding anymore. even i grew most of my hair back the first time i was on treatment, but a stupid doc told me i did not have pcos and should stop...big mistake. he realized he was wrong very quickly.

And now i am so conscious about my hair even it is not really noticeable..i so hopped i was goign to grow it again..i just got my ferritine up this month but i am not sure it will be a big change...

pcos and above all hair loss ruined three years of my life so far. i obsess over it, i cannot think of something else. Of the way i willlook when i will be 40/50; everytime i see an old lady with poor hair i cannot help myself but think that she is 70 and i might look like her before i hit 40.I could maintain what i have now if i chose not to have kid..something i seriously consider, yet it makes cry everytime i think of this.
a lot of people would find it superficial and surely it is.
at least my pilosity is back to normal, my skin is glowing, no more fatigue, i am so far really thin but..pff hair loss is the worst thing.
i used to be noticed for my hair all the time, even still now ironically but i had to cut them , people started to notice something was wrong, that my scalp was showing through..i asked my mom to llok at it of course she said i had no prob..but then other people saw me differently and when i put a mirror to see the top of my head for the first time i was devastated.i always had the feeling somehitng was wrong but ignored it more or less.

this thing is gonna makes me screw up my thesis.i should have been done last year already.
docs kept telling me it will grow back , but it does not.
i have teh impression i am just not even a girl but a transgender who need pills not to look like a monster.

so yeah. i can relate.

KatCarney · 02-08-2008, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rocknroll

what is so bad as regards the birth control pill???
i could not live without it really.

Nothing 'generally'. For me, however, it made my moods out of control, and triggered some additional unpleasant side effects.

Plus, my mom took DES, and BCP's aren't recommended for 'des daughters' (I didn't find out until years later): http://www.soulcysters.net/bcps-not-...ok-des-127748/

All the more reason to know your family history, when possible.

Vlal · 02-08-2008, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by genevagirl

now i wear every day a scarf to hide my hairloss (which is very bad on temples which goes till my ears)
the hairloss is the worst sympton of pcos for me.

I wear a scarf everyday too - to work, out in the evening... the only time I don't wear it is at home.

I find that my weight and the hairloss are the worst symptoms. I feel better about my weight because I can at least do something about it, but I don't seem to have any success with my hairloss. At my thinnest 140 pounds (as opposed to 173 now) my hairloss was just as bad as it is now. I am going to lose the weight again and some more and see what happens.

I agree with Kat that getting your weight/way of eating and exercise in line makes a big difference hormonally and in terms of self esteem. I noticed that first time around and I am noticing it again. For me, the thing to do this time is to keep it up - I can't just lose weight and then go back to old habits. It's a whole way of life.

Vicky-Louise

genevagirl · 02-09-2008, 07:04 AM

i start to wear the scarf even at home. when i look into the mirror it makes me almost cry and thats why i decide to wear it also at home.
sometimes i feel like somebody did a curse on me that i should lose all my hair (which happend almost)

im not really overweight, so i dont know if hard working out would help me with me hairloss. i do 3 times a week bicycle and stepper. i dont know if this is enough.

KatCarney · 02-09-2008, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by genevagirl

im not really overweight, so i dont know if hard working out would help me with me hairloss. i do 3 times a week bicycle and stepper. i dont know if this is enough.

When I started strength training 5 days per week, I noticed an improvement in hair issues. Maybe the testosterone had something 'better' to do...like build some lean mass on me

VeggieGirl · 02-09-2008, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KatCarney

I guess we're all different. I'm conscious of what I put in my body, too. You couldn't pay me to go on any BCP, but I'd go on flutamide again, in a heart beat.

I totally understand what you mean. I dislike BCPs but if I didn't take them, the hair would be out of control. As for other treatments- I used to think, very naively, that anything natural was good for you. After the problems I had with saw palmetto, now I'm very wary of herbs and supplements. I've heard Flutamide can do damage to your liver, but then again, what medicines DON'T have possible side effects? I guess what it comes down to is that I don't want to put any more than what is necessary into my body, but maybe I'll find that some things are "necessary" to my mental well-being.