If.....

Mindijean · 01-14-2006, 09:34 PM

If we find out at the doctor's office on Monday that there was nothing wrong and they can find no reason for my m/c, what do we do? Where do we go from here?

Would you wait the "normal" three months to TTC again? Even if you knew that the cycles right after a m/c seem to be the most fertile? Even if it had taken you 17 years to conceive? Even if you were 37 about to turn 38 in a few months?

I'm scared to let this fertile period in my life pass me by and wait three months to try again....because what IF?

rossy · 01-14-2006, 09:44 PM

I think it is entirely up to you to decide when to try again. After my miscarriage, I didn't actively try, but didn't prevent either and I got pregnant within 7 weeks(that pregnancy went perfectly). I think you need to take some time to heal emotionally, which is why some doctors tell you to wait 3 months, but as you say, your body might be at it's most fertile now!

We never found out what happened to our baby, or why it died, I was only 13 weeks along, it hurt not knowing, but it does get easier as time goes on.

Good Luck!!

enits · 01-14-2006, 10:20 PM

Mindi, I was in your situation last February. They never found out what was wrong with our baby even after they checked her chromosomes.

Anyway, DH and I were so emotionally exhausted that we thought it best to just take it one day at a time when the subject of when to try again came up. I made the decision to go on BCPs right away. I exercised daily and ate well. DH and I went through RPL testing. After 4 cycles, we decided to TTC again. We became pregnant right away and at 8 weeks, we found out our baby's heart beat stopped. It was devastating.

I guess trying to decide what to do next depends on you and your DH. You already know the factors that might become challenging so you definitely should take that into consideration. Being emotionally ready is also a big plus. If you feel that you are ready to try again, I say go for it. The "what ifs" will always be there, lingering. You have to be strong enough and ready to accept whatever comes your way. This TTC thing is a tough road. Good luck and all the best to you. ((hugs))

TACM · 01-15-2006, 12:14 AM

Mindi:
I am so sorry for your loss. After I lost my twin daughters at 21 weeks, my RE said I could start again right away, and that there was no physical reason why we couldn't. I think they say 3 months more for your mental health. If you feel you are ready to try, than I say go for it. I hope you get the answers you are looking for from your OB. Nothing is worse than not knowing what went wrong. Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son.

Kibbie · 01-15-2006, 12:53 AM

Mindi - my OB never tells her patients to wait three months unless there are unusual circumstances, but my losses have been earlier than yours...so I don't know if that makes a difference? In my case, twice I became pregnant the very next month after miscarrying, and the second time was a completely natural med-free conception. It's completely up to you and how you feel. You have been waiting a long time, so I would say go for it and take advantage of that fertile time. (IMHO)

I just want to tell you that...although the pain of losing a baby never really totally goes away for most parents, for many of us...becoming pregnant again does help heal the wounds. Even though Daniel will always be your first baby and he can never ever be replaced, I truly hope you and Mark are blessed again soon, and your new pregnancy will help to heal your broken hearts. I don't know quite how to say this or work it into this post...but I think Daniel's footprints in your signature are absolutely precious.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Rebecca's Mom · 01-15-2006, 01:59 AM

ok lets see i am going back to doctor thursady, i havent eard what happen, i hope they can tell me, but anyway, i am scared to death...... well i won't try right way i am scared my emmontions will make it happen again, i loved her so much , its been a month today and at this point i don't want to try again, they do have to take a polyp off for me and of coarse i only bleed a little bit for 4 days and i havent started yet, so i don't know if i want to try again or not, you need to do what you feel is right just make sure your ready i know i was stressed the whole time cause i bleed everyday.....enits i am glad your doing well i know you are worried though....but i am proud of who ever can keep trying just don't know if it is for me,
I am so sorry it took you 18 years to get here and you lost your baby mine took a long time to i got pg on met have you tried that....tricia

isadora · 01-15-2006, 05:54 AM

I could be wrong, but I wonder if the reason some Dr's tell you you should wait for 3 cycles after a m/c to try again is the same reason they say you should wait for 3 months to TTC after coming off the pill..so your cycles can regulate again(if they were ever regular before). My RE hasn't said anything about waiting for 3 cycles and my OB/GYN didn't see any need to wait 3 cycles after coming off the pill.

I think that as long as there are no physical reasons for you to wait to TTC that you should start TTC again as soon as you are emotionally ready. I had a D&C 3 weeks ago and i'm waiting for AF to show up..as soon as AF does, or I have AF started with Provera..then I will start TTC again...unless my Dr finds a physical reason for me not to.

Pamela · 01-15-2006, 06:10 AM

I think you should start trying again right away.
After I had my MC the doc said to wait and to this day I regret that.
You need to do what you feel is right for your situation. But please dont' let fear stop you from moving forward and toward your dreams.
I like the footprints as well.

Mindijean · 01-15-2006, 06:09 PM

Thank you for helping with my question everyone. We'll know more tomorrow after we see the doctor, I hope.

We also think our son's footprints are the most precious reminder of him. We're so thankful for the wonderful RN who took his prints and his pictures for us.

gracie_1 · 01-16-2006, 05:37 PM

Mindi,

I think the other reason is that it will be hard to determine at the end of the coming cycle whether one is pregnant or not. My ob told me that sometimes, the hcg level falls very slowly. So, at the end of the cycle, the falling hcg level may still trigger a false bfp signal. My gf m/c at 9 wks, and she was pregnant again with her healthy baby boy right after.

Gracie

Mustard Seed · 01-16-2006, 08:13 PM

I hope you get the answers you're looking for from your dr today. I don't know the reason I m/c, but my m/c was pretty early. I think if your dr doesn't give any solid reasons why you should wait 3 months before ttc again, then I think you should go for it. You will never be over your m/c, or get past the point where you worry about the next pg and all the what-if's that go along with ttc/pg and pcos. That being said, it does recede some from your mind. When my dr told me to wait 3 months after my m/c, I told her no. She compromised and allowed us to wait only 2 months instead of 3. I would have started ttc right away if she would have let me, but since I need meds, I couldn't really take things into my own hands. I hope you are able to ttc again really soon!

Mindijean · 01-16-2006, 11:59 PM

Back from the doctors. Daniel had no chromosone issues and didn't have Downs or anything. Totally normal baby.

We're going to try to get pregnant again in the next few months (because you're most fertile after a miscarriage), and if that doesn't work in 3 months, we're going to go back on Clomid.

He thinks that the spotting I had at the beginning of my pregnancy caused my uterus to weaken and made me lose Daniel. He's not ruling out incompetant cervix but can't test for it. I had tons more blood drawn today to rule out other problems like lupus or blood clotting issues.

He did say that WHEN I get pregnant again, we'll be doing tons of ultrasounds on my cervix and he'll probably put in a preventative cerclage at 12/13 weeks. He agrees that it's insane to let women have 3 or more m/c's before they test for these things.....so he's testing for most of them now.

Hayles · 01-17-2006, 12:02 AM

Mindi~ I am glad your dr seems competent! Best of luck for the future.

Rebecca's Mom · 01-17-2006, 01:21 AM

good deal.....how far a long was you....and how long has it been since it happened......asking cause i thought i had ic and doc said 17 weeks wasn't far enough along....and and you should try soon....i am after i get af

Mindijean · 01-17-2006, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by angelbear

good deal.....how far a long was you....and how long has it been since it happened......asking cause i thought i had ic and doc said 17 weeks wasn't far enough along....and and you should try soon....i am after i get af

I was 14 weeks, 2 days. We lost Daniel on January 4th.