Im looking for a friend

Hope1142005 · 08-08-2005, 01:39 AM

~ Hi. Im looking for a christian friend. Ive met several really nice women on this site. The first time i mention praying or God, they usually dont talk to me anymore. I was wondering if there are any nice christian women that would like to chat & email back & forth. If so, please email me ~
HD1142005@wmconnect.com

Juana Baby · 08-08-2005, 01:43 AM

How sad that people don't want prayers for them. Their loss.

I am so glad you found the faith and healing board. You will meet lots of wonderful SIC here!

Oh, and you can write me here, PM or e-mail me.

laural

canistars · 08-08-2005, 01:45 AM

I am a christian. I don't flaunt it & I beleive in god but I also beleive he lives in my heart. I don' go to church Had a few bad experiences So shy christian. Feel free to pm me or e-mail me. Monique Married 4 kids. Diagnose 5/05

Leany · 08-08-2005, 02:58 AM

I'm of fire for God and I would love to talk to you! You can e-mail me at evilswedishswinemonkeys@hotmail.com I'm sorry that those ladies have stopped talking to you..I bet that was depressing. I love to e-mail people recieve e-mails chat ect.

Hope1142005 · 08-08-2005, 11:36 AM

Thank you for the replys. Im currently not attending church. I went to church when i was a child. I really enjoyed it. Ive went off & on over the years, mostly visiting my sisters church or my friends church. Right before my husband and i got married he started talking to me about God. Telling me how God could change my life around and things like that. He has got hundreds of christian books on anything you need to know about. I think he should be a preacher. He loves talking about the Lord and he knows so much. Anyway he has taught me so many wonderful things and i feel that i owe my life to him. I made several bad mistakes in my life. And i was beating myself up for them. But my husband showed me how to deal with my past. He also bought me the Joel Osteen book. And i love it !! I coudnt get anything done in the house for reading it. Now i watch Joel Osteen each Sun morning. We were also involved in a car accident in April of this year & my husband and i both went through alot emotionally. I already felt i had a relationship with God. But after the accident i had a very close relationship with God. All those years i wasnt in church, i prayed each day. Ive always been a big believer in Prayer. And i still do. God saved my husband, my 3 year old cousin & myself in the car accident that day. No one can believe we got out of that car alive, but we also got out without an injury. Just a few small cuts & scrapes. The boy that hit us, was nearly dead when they airlifted him to the hospital. We prayed & prayed for the young man & he is back to his normal life now. The paradmedics said the boy wouldnt make it, but he did. We know God was in the car with us that day. And i believe everything happens for a reason and i believe that it was meant for us to be the ones that the boy hit that day. God wanted me closer to him & im closer to him now more than i ever have been. And its a wonderful feeling. I know i need to be in church. And i feel that im working on getting there. My life has always been up & down. But now my life is more up than its ever been. I have a wonderful husband that has took time to teach me about God & he still continues to answer any questions i have. And i have a husband that loves me & cherishs me. Im so blessed. I never dreamed i could ever be so happy. Its wonderful. I do have PCOS and i have some major mood swings with it, my husband does the best he can to deal with my horrible moods and loves me to death. He always seems to know when i need to be alone & he knows when i need him to hold me & love me. God is amazing. I coudnt ask for a better husband to go through this with. Im sorry that ive went on & on. Its just so nice to be able to tell whats really in my heart & not worry about the people thinking im nuts. My husband actully works with men that laugh him for being a christian. I coudnt believe it. It still blows my mind to this day that someone would do something like that. It really bothers my husband that they make fun of him. I just keep telling him that they will have to deal with there actions. And when they laugh at him, to just pray for those people. Maybe one day they will have a relationship with God. Ok im going to hush before i scare all of you off. Thanks again for the replys. It really means alot to me.

canistars · 08-08-2005, 01:26 PM

Hope, what a beautiful name! You can't scare me off!I loved to see you express yourself! I know how fortunate it is to have an awesome husband like you! Mine is so great sometimes I have to watch myself with all the PCOS symptoms when i get in a mood I push him away..and realized I was always thinking He was too good for me & kinda half expecting him to leave me.I have to remind myself I do deserve him & I am worth the effort! I also wanted to let you know mistakes are not mistakes if you learn from them! I am still learning from mine! Monique
PS Have a Blessed Day! I am sorry others made you feel that way.

Hope1142005 · 08-08-2005, 05:43 PM

Monique.... Thank you for such a nice message. That is so sweet. You said a few things that im always thinking to myself. I am always saying that i dont deserve my husband. He is really to good for me. He could have any woman he wants. Someone who was pretty & not have all these horrible mood swings that i have. Just last night i was fine. I had been in a good mood all day long. Then in the matter of minutes, i went from happy to crabby. He kept asking me what was wrong, but i didnt know what to tell him. I was just sad for no reason at all. Well he works 3rd and i always dread him going back to work on Sunday nights and i know i was sad about that but i felt like there was something more but didnt know what it was. It was so odd. I have no self esteem what so ever. And im so hard on myself. We got married in Jan and ive yet to let him see me naked. He is always asking me to let him or he will sneak in the bathroom when im in the shower or something but i cant stand the thoughts of him seeing me. In the back of my mind i think that if he sees me naked he wont ever want to make love to me again. Because im overweight. And i know him better than that. I know he woudnt be that way. But that little thought is there. He is such a great husband and i feel horrible for everything i put him through. Not long back i was getting mad at him because we wasnt making love enough. I had a very high sex drive. And now i have no sex drive at all. And he wanted to make love last night & all i wanted to do was go in a room alone & cry. I dont see how my husband puts up with me. I dont even like myself, how does he manage to get along with. We havent even been married a year yet & we have been through so much. And yet he still tells me that he loves me all the time & even when my mood is horrible, he is right there hugging on me. He is one amazing man. Thank you again for the message Monique. It means alot.

Juana Baby · 08-09-2005, 10:15 PM

How are you doing today? Sounds like you have had some emotional times. Much love and hugs to you!

laural

Hope1142005 · 08-09-2005, 11:42 PM

Juana Baby ~

Thanks for the messages. You are very sweet. Today has been a good day, thanks for asking. I havent had any of those horrible mood swings today. Thank God. Ive been praying for help with the mood swings. I feel so helpless when im happy one minute & grumpy the next minute. And i feel so guilty because my husband continues to care about me & love me no matter what im going through. He is a true blessing. I hope your day went well. :-)

canistars · 08-10-2005, 01:34 AM

HI hope I enjoyed redaing your letter Just kidding with ya! I am the same way! You should see most my replies. No wonder I only get around to writting a couple everyday. Lets see I thought it was so sweet. May I make a few suggestions... First let me say I would have a hard time with a New husband I have been married sometime now and my husband saw me thinner all the way through till Now. So I guess I gradually got used to it. But I also got to see his aging body so I think we are even! Don't tell him I wrote this he would so kill me!He's 12 years older than I am so a difference there too. I needed a more mature man. I had lots of baggage. I was raped so even my husband seeing me naked for the first time much thinner was tough we did small things to help mee get through it. There were somethings I couldn't do at all now i can. My husband was so patient. I know yours must be too! Okay this is a crazy night so I have a lot to say on the subject but it might seemed jumbled. like something small maybe you can't make love in total light (my hubby won't let me call it sex gets so mad funny huh?) try a very dim candle with all the lights off see baby steps..But please don't deny yourself the total incredibly experience of being Free. there are plenty of years from now & kids later when you will be thinking about the laundry & what ever for now Just be. I hope that makes sense. Also i am older thn you not necassarily wiser but in my experience you are so young Just try your very best to work on this because you might look back years later & say I wasted so much time. Also when i was feeling depressed after my last baby #4 was born I was watching way too much television and woe is me(don't get me wrong there is a place for woe is me you need it to heal) but I decided I was going to do something so I wouldn't just walk to walk . We live out in a rural setting no sidewalks no so great So this what I had to do to make a purpose to get moving...I became a avon lady just to make myself walk the catalogs around the neighborhood. Thats how bad I needed it to be a commitment. Sometimes I have to play hadgames with myself to get the job done! I am ashamed to admit it. I read in prevention magazine that morning exercise was best cause it made you sleep better. I kneew i wasn't sleeping well so I started walking to tire myself out. i alos had a restless mind so I then grabbed a notebook 7 placed it next to my bed with a pencil. When I woke up in the middle of the night fretting I hadn't paid the phone bill or whatever it was I wrote it down 7 went back to sleep. Pretty soon I was sleeping through the night. I have a feeling you are not gtting enough rest.
I have to go outside & help hubby put pool cover on BRB.

canistars · 08-10-2005, 01:57 AM

okay sorry the spelling & I think my keyboard is sticking. I am back though...I hope I didn't over step my boundaries. I just know I am full blown PCOS now & I wasn't then if I knew then what it was I was dealing with I would hav studied & got it under control I think it is easier when you are younger. About depression that's been New to me in the past few years & supplements do help like primrose oil essential fatty acids & I had success with this and multi w/ vit b complex but I heard that SAMe does wonders. I also take a high quality antioxidant with all kinds of stuff in it but it does have green tea. Nature's way is a reputable one. I am taking the women to women proogram
http://www.womentowomen.com/LIBantidepressants.asp
try taking a look at this article on depression from them. At least you know you are having mood swings I just thought i was a B with an itch!Life is way to short! I think also if you were raised a christian like I was it is hard to know something is wrong ..I was taught sex was bad only for procreating. Did you know that in the early 30's, 40's women had these boughts of depression pMs etc..that even lead to body aches muscle aches etc.. Well dr's would manipulate with there hand a womento an "O". Thats why the first mechanical womens device was invented dr's were tired I guess carpal tunnel type stuff from the length of time it took to release this. I am not as sexually comfortable. My oldest is 18 an I had to very uncomfortably talk about sex to him. He had a hard time with it at first but now..like the other day I was hemmoraging due to this PCOS stuff 2 weeks I called Dr. they wanted me to go in & I asked him to drive me.. I told him what was going on & he asked me s soon as I got out of the office how everything went. I did not have this kind of relationship with my mother she was afraid if we talked about it I would run out & do it. So being raised like this might be part of it too.
Ask your husband what he loves most aboutyour bady Iam sure he will surprise you with his answer & Maybe it will help you love your body knowing how much he does!
I hope I didn't scare you off! anytime you need someone give me a holler. I was very happy reading your note it was grat to know i could make a difference! I think we all can beat this together!

Hope1142005 · 08-10-2005, 02:33 AM

thank you so much for the wonderful messages. you have no idea how much they mean to me. ive had a very rough evening. no mood swings thank God, just very emotional.ive got to stop babysitting my cousin that ive been babysitting for over 3 years now ( since he was born). ive been needing to stop keeping him & get a normal job because i need more money. but i didnt want to hurt his parents feelings & cause them any problems. plus i coudnt stand the thoughts of someone else babysitting my little man. anyway his parents was working 2nd shift. but his mom started 3rd shift this last sun night. so i told my husband i was going to talk to her about me not keeping him anymore. i told her that i knew they didnt need me anymore & that i needed a better paying job also. she agreed with me & everything went well. she said she wanted me to keep him till i found a job. i thought that was very nice of her, even though they dont need me anymore. im glad all that worked out. but im going to miss him so much. i think of him as my own child. he is very special to me. and its going to kill me. plus i havent worked a normal job since 2001. and im very nervous about that. i have NO self esteem and im extremely shy & dont make friends very easily. i hate starting a new job where i dont know anyone & right now my nerves have pretty much had it. my husband didnt want to leave me tonight so he could go to work because i cant stop crying. i dont know how to handle all this mentally. i was so glad that i got through the day without any mood swings and then before i know it, im going through this. i just wish i could be normal. i feel like ive been passed up for jobs in the past because of my weight & even though ive lost weight, im still overweight & im afraid its going to happen again. and if all that isnt enough, my husband could get put on a lower paying job soon. we are hoping he gets a much deserved promotion but the place he works at has a history of promoting " buddies" my husband just found all that out last night. so needless to say, we have cried alot this evening. we know that God is in control & he wont put more on us than we can handle. but im still scared to death.
i have tried the useing a very dim candle before. it went pretty well. and now that im loseing weight, you would think i would be getting over it some. but im not. this morning he came home from work & he woke me up and i could tell he was wanting to make love. first off i wasnt in the mood, but he finally got me into it. then i coudnt enjoy it because i was worried that the cover would get pulled off of me & he would see something i didnt want him to see. i love he loves me. there is no doubt in my mind. he is always telling me that he loves me no matter what i look like. but i just cant make myself believe him. i dont like the way i look, so i dont understand why he would like the way i look. im really trying to get over it. i honestly am. i dont want him to have to sneak around to try & see me naked. what i think is odd, i dont mind him seeing my breast. or my rear. its my tummy down on the front that im always hiding. i know you think im crazy and i really am starting to wonder about that myself...lol you are NOT going to scare me off. you give really good advice. and im very thankful. its so nice having someone to chat with that isnt going to stop talking to me because i mention God. thank you so much for everything.

canistars · 08-11-2005, 01:48 PM

I will be praying for you & hubby Hope! You have a friend here just let me know if you need anything. Thought i would give you a short one today! XOXOOX Monique

canistars · 08-12-2005, 01:12 PM

how are you? Just checking in on you?

Hope1142005 · 08-13-2005, 04:14 AM

~Canistars~ Hey there. Its been one of those days today. Ive had a few of my wonderful crying spells today. Sometimes i just feel like im losing my mind. I am looking for a job because im in serious need of money. I havent worked since 2001. Im very nervous about going back to work in the public again and im afraid i wont get to see my husband. The only time he is off is on the weekends and im scared i will be stuck working weekends. Anyway as you know we have been trying to get pregnant. Well since we decided that its best for me to get a job & stop babysitting, i thought we didnt need to try to get pregnant right now. Well my husband isnt happy about that. He knows ive always talked about how i coudnt leave my baby with a sitter or a daycare center. It means so much to me to be able to stay home with the baby. And when i finally get a job i want to help with the bills and things like that. We cant afford for me to get a job, then get pregnant & then have to quit work. We need money right now. I told him we could try to get pregnant later on once we got things taken care of with the money things. But he insist that we need to have a baby now. Believe me, no one wants a baby more than me, but i also want to have money to be able to provide for the baby. So far he cant see my side & i cant see his. So we havent been able to agree on anything yet. We are praying that God will handle it and find a way to get us through this. He told me today that he misses seeing that glow about me when i used to talk about us having a baby. That made me feel so bad. I want a baby more than anything else but i think we should work on the money situation first. Anyway like i said, we are praying that God will help us through this soon. I tried talking to him about birth control & he said he didnt want to use any birh control. I sent him an article on the differnet types & im sure he didnt even look at it because he insist we are having a baby now. Anyway its been one of those days. I really wish things would get better for us. The last few days have been very rough. Well its 1:15 am, so im gonna get to bed. Just needed to chat awhile and get some things off my chest. You are more than welcome to email me anytime. thanks for listening to me.

HD1142005@wmconnect.com