We had a brief sit down with a local agency that does foster/adopt for many of the local counties. There are many reasons why we won't be using them, but the main one was the social worker's perception of me during the interview.
One of the first questions was "Why are you adopting?" and since it is very personal, and a touchy subject of course I got choked up a bit when I answered "Because we have not been able to have children of our own." He took it as I was not over the grieving period for not being able to get pregnant and said that if I was tearing up when the county had a match they wanted to discuss, then it would be taken negatively.
My grandmother died 13 years ago, but on the right day, I'll cry when I'm talking about her. And I have worked through my grief with her death - I just still miss her still sometimes.
My questions -
1. Do you ever get over the grief of infertility?
2. Isn't it better I have some emotions rather than stoic about our infertility?
3. If this whole process is going to take at least a couple years, why should we not get started, with our own time and money invested also than wait until we are "ready" (emtionally shut off), then be that much farther behind?
Thanks ladies!
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My DH & I both got emotional answering those questions when our SW & agency (2 different agencies) asked those questions, they didn't even bat an eye! I would definately find a new agency. Starting a family is an emotional process!
Good Luck!
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I do think that you need to be at peace with your infertility when you adopt. You need to be past just wanting a child that will come from you and look like you. I do think you need to grieve that.
Can I ask why your process is going to take a few years?
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This is the first time I have made my way into the adoption area. I just got back from my follow-up appt with the reproductive clinic we are working with. As the Dr. puts it, it is either IVF or adoption. Something in me has always wanted to adopt and it is something that I will now investigate more seriously.
Your post was the first I read. I understand some of the replies about coming to a good place on not being able to have a child, however, not being emotional when discussing all of these huge life decisions seems crazy to me. The entire process is emotional - sometimes good, sometimes bad.
I hope you find another agency that will appreciate someone who has taken the entire process to heart. Good luck - I hope it all works out.
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Currently Not On Meds
Sorta yes sorta no. We adopted our daughter almost 20 months ago, and had stopped "trying" long before that, and I still have grief over not being able to experience pregnancy, to see a child that looks like DH and I etc... However I am also at peace with the idea that biological children may never happen. The pain of infertility never goes away, it is something that lingers, but you can have peace too
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2. Isn't it better I have some emotions rather than stoic about our infertility?
Well of course you should have some emotions. But if you are still at the phase where you are tearing up at the mention of your infertility you need some grief counseling. It is important that you can love and accept your adopted child fully and completely and not think of your infertility when you are looking at them. And for many women if they are still grieving their infertility they look at an adopted child as a path to take away their pain. Adoption can't be about that, it has to be about you filling your family, not about taking away your pain.
Quote:
3. If this whole process is going to take at least a couple years, why should we not get started, with our own time and money invested also than wait until we are "ready" (emtionally shut off), then be that much farther behind?
Because it is very very stressful and you need to be able to devote all your emotions toward the adoption, not the infertility. They have to be different voyages otherwise you are doing a disservice to both and to yourself. I can't imagine going through the stress of adoption and the stress of fertility treatments at the same time.
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__________________ Amy (33) SAHM & To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Join for free...only 2 more days!
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Initial interview with agency yesterdy 
