Insensitive - I'm venting (M/C & new borns mentioned)

weary · 10-19-2003, 11:29 AM

Hi all,
I really do not post very often, but last night a conversation really irritated me.
We were with about 15 friends last night and one couple that we were with had their new-born over. I am very happy for this couple that just had the baby. Mid conversation someone brings up losing a baby and it suddenly turns into a competition of people knowing people and how many m/c's they knew people had had. This is going on right infront of me amongst people who know everything DH and I have been going through over the last 3 years with TTC and know that DH and I lost a baby and how hard it has been on both of us.

I found it hard to do but I actually had to tell them to change the topic - they fortunately shut up pretty quick but nobody apologized. I was very annoyed.
Sorry, just had to vent.

How do you all 'handle' situations like this? I lost my little one (M/C) 2 years ago and we have been TTC unsucessfully ever since. Not a day goes by that I don't think about the baby I should have. Coping with M/C does not get any easier as the days pass.

Iluvstjohn · 10-20-2003, 12:00 PM

sorry they offended you. Some days are harder than others. Have you thought of seeing someone to help you with your grief? I found it soooo helpful. I reluctantly went at first, but in the end, I was so glad I went. I went to see a grief counselor who specialized in fertility issues. Think about it, it can help to put things into perspective and for us to put it into a place that lets us remember and yet move on. I wish you all the success in the world. For me....stress was a huge factor in me not getting pregnant...I didn't ovulate for 7 months, and I swear it was stress related (but ya couldn't tell me that at the time!)....I hope brighter days are ahead!

sparrow · 10-21-2003, 01:09 PM

I think you did exactly what needed to be done. Tell them straight that they need to end the conversation. I find it to be the best approach. I honestly think some people don't realize how insensitive they sound. I am not rude. But to say to someone, "I had a m/c and I don't want this subject discussed anymore" is blunt enough to wake some people up.

stormspirit · 10-21-2003, 01:15 PM

I know just what you mean. I lost my baby on Oct 8th of this year and my SIL is pregnant, due two days before I was. Well, my MIL comes over to my house and all she wants to talk about is SIL going for her U/S and how the little legs and arms were just moving all over the place. I wanted to throw up and throw her out of my house. How insensitive could she be?!? She knows what DH and I have been through and how excited we were to finally be having this baby. I was soo irritated that I told DH, who was not there, that he needed to tell his mother that we don't want to hear anything else about any of it. Not the ttc, pregnancy or m/c. I'm just tired of supid peoples stupid remarks. Thanks for letting me rant a little too.

Leigh Ann