insensitive or just plain stupid??

Gnzls924 · 07-21-2005, 10:48 AM

pg mentioned...but not about me.

About two weeks ago, I received an invitation for a baby shower from my cousin. My cousin is 19, unmarried, unemployed, & 8 months pregnant. I love her dearly, but she has chosen to distance herself during her pregnancy by moving with her boyfriend to AL. So no one really knew she was pregnant until the invite came. She was hiding it, but we all knew...secrets do not stay silent in our family. She's kept her boyfriend (the father) a secret from the family. But we all know. She's always said they were friends. He seems like a nice kid.

So now i guess she realizes that they don't have much ($$$), so the grandmother, the aunt and her mother are throwing her a shower. After her shower, she is going back to AL to have the baby. So she's basically coming in for the gifts. That ticks me off a little. You should see all 3 (three) of their gift registeries!!! They certainly know how to spend other people's money. They barely have any money to pay the rent, but they want a $250 stroller...I think they went nuts with the "gun" at target, walmart, and babysrus!

Now here's my problem. They know what I went through. My God, some of them went to the funeral. Why would they invite me? They could have asked me before hand if it was up for it! Is it because they expect me to buy her the $250 stroller? Because I wouldn't put it past them to think that. They know both Dh and I have a good jobs and do good salary wise. So is that why they sent the invite??

So I made the trip to Target with DH...I was okay for about 30 seconds, until i started looking at the boy clothing. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I started crying in target looking for a gift for this girl! Dh ushered me away...He just knew when i didn't respond to him. I managed to get her a baby book and pooh bear...and that's it. I just lost it when i saw the baby clothes. Again, why the heck would they invite me?!!! I am not going, but sending my gift with a relative. I know they are the type of people who will think that I could have given her much more. "Hold the door open, here comes Diana and her sisters with their gifts!"..I just can't believe they invited me.

okay girls, that's for listening!

love ya all!

Phoenix Rising ^^^ · 07-21-2005, 11:14 AM

Diana, I'm with you on this one. It's insenitive! I'm willing to bet that these people haven't called you to see how you are doing since your loss. My God, it's so obvious that they are just out for gifts. I mean to hide her pg for all this time and suddenly you get an invite to a shower. I wouldn't go either. The book and the pooh bear is plenty. My hat goes off to you for doing that much.

TracyW2 · 07-21-2005, 11:55 AM

They are both insensitive and stupid - in my opinion. I had a friend who never told me she was even preg, but invited me to the shower. I did not go. I cant believe how truly insensitive people can be. {{{HUGS}}}

~tracy

Pamela · 07-21-2005, 12:55 PM

I agree, insensitive and selfish!!
I'm glad you're not going. You've done way more than I would have. ANd who the heck cares if *they* think you should buy the freakin stroller?!! She shouild be lucky she is getting anything from you at all!! And don't you dare try to justify or explain ANYTHING to * them*!!!
HUGS.

GabrielsMom · 07-21-2005, 01:04 PM

Diana, I'm with the other posters. If I were you, they wouldn't be getting ANYTHING from me. If it was someone I was close to and they were nice about it, I probably would have bought a gift card. But not if they are rude and/or tacky about the whole thing.

I'm sorry you have to suffer their insensitivity. And I'm glad you have a good husband who took care of you in the store. You shouldn't have to go through that. I always avert my eyes when I am near the baby section of target, especially since I always went there when I was pregnant, dreaming of the stuff I would register for or buy.

Hugs!

Gnzls924 · 07-21-2005, 01:15 PM

Gina, You would have won that bet a month ago. In the past two weeks, I received a voice mail from the pregnant one. She called to see "how I am doing." I havent heard from her in MONTHS and now all of a sudden a phone call. When I got home that day, the invitation was in my pile of mail! I would say she learned well from her conniving mother...call them first to make casual conversation. Then hit them up for gifts or money with the next call. They do this sooo well...it's an ART for them. So sweet and nice...But give me all you got!

My mom is just totally disgusted by the whole idea of throwing her a shower. (She's very old fashion when it comes to these things.) However, she said, and I would agree, that the Grandmother, Mother, and Aunt should use the money they allocated for this girl's shower, and put it towards what she will really need for when the baby comes. But if I know the aunt, she's probably already made little favors for this thing on Saturday.

I also just found out that my 2 sisters are not going. They were with me in the room when I lost Matthew. They are just not up to it either and also share my same exact feelings. My oldest sister is just so disgusted and even more so when i told her that the pregnant one called two weeks ago. My sister knows the motive behind the phone call before the event. She said that "they" always call when they want something...

I thought the baby book and pooh bear was appropriate...i was going to put a bow around his neck, but i said the heck with it. I just buried it in the tissue paper!

But i think for my own piece of mind and a little bit of closure, I am going to purchase a baby book for Matthew. I have all these things from his birth scattered around because they don't fit in his memory box. It's just a thought.

Thanks girls!

mandy71480 · 07-21-2005, 01:27 PM

Diana- I'm sorry your cousin is being so insensitive. She obviously has a lot of maturing to do. i think a book for Matthew would be a wonderful and sweet way to remember him. Take care, sweetie!

jlmcquade · 07-21-2005, 04:59 PM

I am sorry that you are going through all of this. I agree with everyone else, these ladies are very insensitive and selfish. I am amazed how people can be so insensitive and uncaring sometimes. It sounds like these women are full of greed to approach you about the invite the way they did. They should be extremely happy that you bought them anything for a gift. I am glad that your sisters are supporting you in your decision to not go to this baby shower of theirs. Take good care of yourself. God Bless.

-Julie

saluki_fan · 07-21-2005, 05:18 PM

Diana, people can just be amazing sometimes. I agree with Gina, Tracy, Adrianne, and everyone above...there is no reason you should go, and she's lucky to be even getting a gift from you at all. YOU, my dear, are a classy lady and it shows in that you are giving her a gift.

Quote:

I had a friend who never told me she was even preg, but invited me to the shower. I did not go. I cant believe how truly insensitive people can be. {{{HUGS}}}

DH's cousin did that - never told me she was PG but then invited me to her shower. I did not go to her shower because of my losses (but did send a gift card to the attention of her mother, for her to open at the shower), but she still got really mad (I should add here she only knows about 1 loss - the one in August 2004) - and refused to even look me in the eye at DH's grandpa's funeral last month. When she acted like that, I knew I had made the right decision (although it certainly made me wish I could have retracted the gift card!)

I wasn't trying to hijack your thread, my dear...my point was only that people are amazingly insensitive sometimes...it's good that you have the support of your sisters and your DH.

Mich831 · 07-21-2005, 08:15 PM

Diana,

Like the other gals have said you did more than you needed to. Heck I wouldn't have sent anything.

I am still amazed how truly clueless some people are. The three of them sound like the kind of family you should stay away from. I am glad that your sister's feel the same and aren't going either.

I wish I could give you a great big hug! (((HUGS))) this one will have to do.

Yes, I think it's a wonderful idea to buy a book for Matthew. This way you can keep all his things nice.

Michele

Reebekah · 07-21-2005, 09:11 PM

ugh..people just dont get it. i was invited to my sister in laws shower just a few months after i had my girls...me and her were due the same week. i couldnt believe it. i sent a $20 gift card and havent heard from them since. i think you are doing the right thing by not going. sorry you are dealing with this.

christine2122 · 07-21-2005, 09:21 PM

My vote is - STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!
I don't know you're whole story (other then what I've just read) I can't imagine what its like to lose a pregnancy - I know how painful it is when I don't conceive. I can't even begin to say I know the pain you have and do go through. I think you're right about your insensitive family - you should have personally rec'd a phone call to say - I just want you to know we are having a shower for X - I'm not going to send an invitation, but want you to know if you are up for it, we'd love to see you.
I'm sorry you had to go through this!!

Take care,

Christine

SheriKCMO · 07-22-2005, 12:51 PM

Diana,
Your cysters are behind you 100%. I'm so glad your sisters are too! That is really awesome. I think if I was in your exact situation, instead of a gift, that girl and her relatives giving the shower would receive a printout of the proper ettiquette of baby showers. No one as close as a mother should give a gal a shower... that is considered greedy and distasteful. It should be a friend or at the closest, a cousin. They are fishing for gifts when what they really need is some morals and brains. I agree that they should have called to ask if you were up to receiving an invite. And she's going to have a major reality check when the baby needs diapers and they have to return that stroller to buy them. People really have no clue, and this bunch seems like a classic case of that.
Hugs to you,
Sheri

MommyOAnna · 07-22-2005, 02:30 PM

{{{Hugs}}} Sorry you are having to go through this.....some people just don't understand