Insensitive Sister

andra · 04-30-2003, 12:03 PM

My sister calls this morning, supposedly to check how I was doing after my miscarriage, but all she can talk about is her baby that she had on April 17th. How insensitive can you be. Like I really want to hear all that. I mean don't get me wrong I love my nephew but I just really can't handle hearing about all that right now. She just went on and on and finally I just said I had to let her go. Just about the time I think I am doing okay something or someone makes me cry again. Well I am done now I just had to vent a little. Thank you guys for listening.

Louie · 04-30-2003, 12:25 PM

Sorry andra... that's awful. I know what you mean cause after my m/c my sisters didn't even call to see how I was doing (and one of my sisters lost her little 8 year old boy two years ago, so I would have expected more sensitivity from her.) At one point, when I was talking about my embie being in heaven, this sister actually told me that she doesn't think lost fetuses that young have souls. I was very hurt and shocked, considering that she had been through such terrible losses herself and how she ought to know better.

The thing is, though, that she didn't mean to hurt be just as your sister I am sure doesn't know what harm she is causing. She may actually think she's cheering you up or taking your mind off of it by talking about her baby. People are like that... they just don't get it. It might help if you tell her, or do what I did and tell mom who quietly passed this along to my sisters that I was disappointed by the lack of understanding. This worked well and before I knew it they were offering themselves as shoulders for me to cry on.

I hope it works out and sorry you have to go through a loss while watching your sister with a new baby. That must be very hard I'm sure. Hang in there.

Sapphire Spirit · 05-01-2003, 02:45 AM

Gee Andra, that is really tough

. It's hard when those closest to you lack understanding and sensitivity. In my mind, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out what would be an insensitive thing to say.........but a lot of people just don't get it, particularly when it comes to grief. I think people just feel so uncomfortable with the grieving process of others that they just say and so STUPID THINGS. It's like they think "omg, what can I say, what can I say" and come out with something totally insensitive or they choose to totally ignore the grief, which is equally as insensitive.
Don't feel bad for crying.......it is such a healthy and cleansing thing to do. Whenever you need to vent, we are hear to listen.
Take Care

Amy

MaLee · 05-04-2003, 01:01 PM

((Hugs)) - that really was terrible. How have you been these last few days, I hope you are doing better. Did you talk to your sister and let her know how you feel?

andra · 05-05-2003, 11:28 AM

Thanks everyone for your posts,

I did not say anything to my sister, I kind of subtly told my Mom but I did not want to stir the pot. It doesn't take much to set my family off and I just did not want to have to deal with that right now. I am doing fine, thanks to my wonderful supportive husband. He has really been there for me, even though I know this hurts him just as bad. My three year old is really the one who just doesn't understand and keeps asking about our baby and wants to know why Aunt Wendy got a baby and we didn't and why we gave our baby to Aunt Wendy. She was so excited about getting a little brother or sister and it broke my heart to have to tell her and her sister that we weren't. Next time I won't tell them until we are in the all clear, if there is a next time, Hubby doesn't know if he wants to try again, says he is not ready to talk about it yet. I hope he does because it will just kill me if he doesn't.

thanks again for all your posts,