Isolating myself

Lezasc20 · 06-24-2008, 01:49 PM

It has been 11 days since my m/c started and a week since it's completion. I have not returned phone calls, emails or visits to the many people who have tried to contact me. I have spoken with my mother, she is my best friend. She told me to mourn however I need to and take the time that I need. Next week my parents and grandmother will be here for my graduation; what should be a joyous occassion I'm not even looking forward to anymore.

I cancelled a baby shower that I was supoose to host for my BEST FRIEND who had her baby at 31 weeks and he's home and healthy. I didnt want to be jealous while she stood there w/ her beautiful son and all of my VERY pregnant friends gathered around. I'm sick of people telling me "you were only 7 weeks" and I'm tired of people saying "you'll have another baby" DANGIT I WANTED THIS BABY!

I dont know when I'll return phone calls to those who have tried so hard to reach out to me...including my pastor's wife. I feel like I dont want to leave the house...I even skipped my appt to make sure my BETA was at 0. I just want to be alone, vent my feelings and cuddle with my dh...who is probably going insane b/c I dont want to hike, bike, jog or sightsee like I normally do.

Ugh, so now that I've vented. Did any of you go through this...or are currently going through this? How long will I mourn this way?

Katie_W · 06-24-2008, 02:34 PM

I was the same way, it's getting better though.

It's hard but it will get easier as the days go on, you wont forget and you'll always be said but so far it's getting easier and I spend my days getting excited for trying again!

it's hard to hear what people say but remember most of them probably have not had a miscarriage so they are trying to reassure you by telling you you will have another chance.
They don't understand how heartbreaking a miscarriage is! I know I didn't until I had mine, I knew I would be sad but I didn't know how horrible it would be.

I haven't had my bloodwork done either I am having it done on Friday (2 weeks after it was ordered) I just didn't want to go out

If my doc doesn't understand then he isn't a good doctor.

*big hugs* you are strong and you will get through this, it wont be easy but take all the time you need to recover.

If you ever need someone to talk to you can always send me a pm

AnotherDreamer · 06-24-2008, 03:23 PM

I think it's normal. When I first m/c'ed I tried talking to people about it, but after a few to many insensitive comments I shut down. I think I would have shut down eventually at any rate though. I mean, I didn't go out for anything. I sat at home and just sat, I couldn't concentrate on anything.

We all handle our grief differently and I'm glad your mother is there for you, it's good to have at least on person there for you.

I still have difficulties handling groups of people, I had a melt down at a bridal shower for SIL because the one year old nephew was there.

It's okay, and the people who don't understand what you're going through... well, they just have to get over it or figure out why you're hurting. BUT Don't worry about them right now, what matters is you. You've gone through a m/c, and it's painful in every meaning of the word. You need to take the time for yourself to grieve. You need to take time to heal.

(*big hugs*) We're all here for you.

Kikibee · 06-24-2008, 03:29 PM

I agree with a lot the other ladies have already posted. Please remember that along with the grief and the emotion that you are dealing with, your body is going through some pretty strong hormonal changes. That was the one thing that took me most by surprise and I found extremely overwhelming at my inability to act the way I "wanted to". Time does help.
Best wishes.

Miracle07 · 06-24-2008, 03:44 PM

You are completely normal to feel the way that you do. Everyone mourns in a way that works for them. I would encourage you to go out and do something fun with DH. I have done that and it helps me to feel a little better.

Liz- I am praying that you have a sticky bean in there! I have everything crossed for you. You probably think I am a stalker. LOL! I have been checking up on how you have been doing once in awhile. You offered me support during some of my losses and you have been through a great deal. I am so rooting for you... and happy for you.

enits · 06-24-2008, 04:12 PM

I was the same way. I only talked to a few people. People tried to reach out to me but I just couldn't bear it. It was my way of protecting myself. Eventually, with time, I was able to slowly get out of my shell and reached out to people again. I read a lot of books on miscarriages and grieving. I was on here (SC) a lot. I talked to DH all the time. He encouraged me to go out even if it was just to Borders or Barnes and Noble. Little things like that helped me cope.

(((hugs))) to you. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Lezasc20 · 06-24-2008, 05:37 PM

Thank you ladies. I have been up since 2am reading stories of women who lost their babies either with m/c or after birth. I must say, I have many emotions racing through my body right now. I just found out that friend of mine who got pregnant when she wasnt quite ready...only a week off bc and she wasnt quite excited is having a boy. WE WANTED A BOY. My dh and I are just crushed. Our friends that have recently had a baby are pushing us away to be with our other friends who have healthy pregnancies and future play dates...I feel used, every more angry and just plain ol' crappy. Today, I had every intention of working out, going to the doctor, cleaning the house...instead, im mourning again. all day.

mistyl2005 · 06-24-2008, 06:56 PM

Give yourself time, and do what you need to do to grieve. I was the same way. I didn't want to talk to anybody, and made dh do all the talking. I just wanted to be close to him and cry. I took a couple weeks off work, it was an early loss but still very painful. It was your child and will be forever, so do what you need to do to cope with your loss. My prayers are with you!

enits · 06-24-2008, 09:18 PM

I know...when I miscarried the 2nd time, my two best friends were pregnant. I couldn't deal with them. They understood what I was going through since they, too, have experienced infertility and had to use IVF to become pregnant. Nevertheless, I didn't want to be with them and see their big bellies even though they reached out to me. We're still good friends to this day.

Just do one thing a day. Maybe that could be...take a shower. And then you're done! Keep on reading...it'll help you. Then day after tomorrow, workout... Don't overwhelm yourself, okay?

cherry22 · 06-25-2008, 03:55 AM

When I lost my twins at 22 wks due to IC, I never thought I could face anyone again..But it does get easier, its been 6 months and I still think about it every hour on the hour, every day!!!!!! I will never forget but the pain doesn't feel like it is going to kill me now!!!

Miracle07 · 06-25-2008, 09:15 AM

Leza- (((HUGS))) They probably do not know what to say or how to deal with your grief. It is going to be hard for awhile but as Enits said, try to do something everyday. Spend this time with DH doing things as a couple and pamper yourself with something special.

momtothree · 06-27-2008, 02:19 AM

I am very sorry for your loss. I too had a mc and it was one of the hardest times for me. Not a day goes by that I don't think about the baby we lost. The day I mc I had friends, my uncle and my father-in-law staying with me for the weekend. It was the first day they were all here. It was terrible. One of the hardest times was when we got home from the hospital everyone is here and we had to tell our 8 and 5 year old. My 5 year old was ok. My 8 year old fell to his knees and started bawling. I have tears in my eyes again. I stayed in my room and my hubby dealt with everyone. I was a wreck. Take all the time you need. I did fertlity with both of the boys. This pregnacy was a shock. We were so excited. My brother and I were very close until I had a mc. He said some pretty insensitive comments and it was 14 1/2 months ago and we are no longer close. I went for my 8 week check up and found out I was pregnant again and was scared to death. I did have a healthy baby girl on January 9th. Everything is in God's hands. Do everything in your time. I tell everyone that I didn't hold that baby in my arms but I held that baby in my heart. I could write and write but I can remember being very sad on the due date even though I was pregnant. You go threw so many emotions.

Mary