A lot of it depends on the family's religious background. If they are orthodox, you can expect a stricter observance (i.e., mirrors in the house covered, family might not bathe during shiva period, family might sit on the floor). A conservative or reform family might do it in a more relaxed way.
There's no need to bring anything, although if she's a close friend, it may be nice to bring a tray of food or sweets for the mourners and visitors to have. This is certainly not necessary.
You don't have to wear black or get too dressed up. Somber "business casual" type clothes are appropriate, unless you're visiting right after the funeral (in which case, wear whatever you're wearing to the funeral). Again, if its an orthodox family, just make sure you're covered up and not showing too much skin.
Oh, you may see a pitcher or bowl of water outside the front door. If so, it's a nice gesture to use a bit of it to wash your hands before entering the home.
I'm sure others will add some...
Best,
Shari
__________________ Happily married; 1 amazing daughter born 12/06. short term weight loss goal: 20lbs by year's end long term weight loss goal: 65 lbs overall
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"I'm not lazy. I'm simply judicious about excess movement." -Jen Lancaster
Instead of flowers, it is traditional for those wishing to express their condolences to make charitable contributions to causes and organizations which were important to the deceased.
I know the email we received at work specifically said "please no flowers, instead make a contribution to the organization of your choice." (Which I personally think is a WONDERFUL tradition and I've told DH and my parents over and over to do this should I pass before they do.)
Thank you so much Shari, this is really helpful information. The first article also says it's OK to send a card, which is good because I did that earlier today.
__________________ Lean cyster ~ M/c @ 10 wks after seeing heartbeat 8/04, m/c @ about 10 weeks after seeing heartbeat 8-09. 2 chemical PGs lost @ 4.5 wks 1/05 & 3/05. 4/05: Dx w/antiphospholipid antibody syndrome.
In addition to what SABTeacher said, I also wanted to mention that you're really not supposed to speak until you're spoken to, and it's a very somber event. Generally, conversation is kept to a minimum and you may notice that visitors are sitting in silence, which can be ackward for those not familiar with shivas, but is perfectly acceptable. Again, this may vary depending on the family's background. You may notice people are sitting either low to the ground or on the ground.
HTH~
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It really depends on their sect, but I wouldn't worry about it too much. If they're Orthodox, you should have a long skirt and long sleeves on. It would be nice to bring something for the family to eat, but if you do that, make sure of whether or not they keep kosher. It's pretty easy to find a box of cookies or something with the official kosher stamp. (A good suggestion is always Entenmann's cookies!) Definitely wash your hands with the pitcher. One of the posts said something about conversation kept to a minimum- I've never experienced that in the large amount of shivas I've been to in my life. I can't really vouch for the Orthodox; I haven't really been to many of Orthodox shivas. For the most part, I think they'll just be touched that you came by to pay your respects, so don't worry too much about protocol. Oh, and if you bring your husband, and your sure they're religious, he should have his head covered.
Forgot to answer THIS! I am well - hanging in there - and I had a DD in December who is almost 9 months old. DS and DD amaze me every day.
Wow...9 months already! It all goes so fast. They are amazing, aren't they? My life has never been crazier (or as wonderful)! Enjoy every second of it.
__________________ Happily married; 1 amazing daughter born 12/06. short term weight loss goal: 20lbs by year's end long term weight loss goal: 65 lbs overall
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"I'm not lazy. I'm simply judicious about excess movement." -Jen Lancaster
another Jewish cyster here! I worked at a Jewish camp for 2 years and have found that many of our staff gatherings were centered around food (ie: Shabbat dinners, bagels every friday morning, etc.)--how do you all handle that?
__________________ Dana Bee
*musical cyster*
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Jewish cysters - help please! 
I am well - hanging in there - and I had a DD in December who is almost 9 months old. DS and DD amaze me every day.
