Just devestated

loriette · 05-20-2004, 11:58 PM

I was so hoping just to be able and pick up and start ttc all over again. I did it before but this time it isn't like that. I was so certain I woud carry full term this time. I was so sure I was still pg even when I started spotting. I just finally admitted it was over when my last beta was 34. This time has been so much harder to accept. I have cried every day and that just isn't me either. I just don't want to do this anymore. I want a baby I can hold and love. I just don't want to go through this anymore. I am going on a break until August, maybe that will help, but I am not sure. Has anyone else felt this way? Is this a normal reaction?

Lori

Amy_53405 · 05-21-2004, 01:05 AM

I have never experienced what you are going through, but know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

kwannabee · 05-21-2004, 10:44 AM

Has anyone else felt this way? Is this a normal reaction?

Yes YES YES!!! I'm so sorry for this happening again to you... but i want you to know, that whatever you feel IS normal...at that moment in time. You could be ready to hop back on board one minute and find yourself sobbing on your couch the next...there is no rhyme or reason...it just is. sometimes your in charge...sometimes youre not...

Believe me...i know

just sending you big hugs...
take care

KattforLife · 05-21-2004, 03:50 PM

loriette,

I know how you feel. My husband wants to start trying again as soon as Im allowed to, and I dont want to. Unlike him I sit here and see the face and the dreams that I saw from the moment I saw those two lines on my pregnancy test.

Im not sure if its a normal reaction, as this is my first miscarriage. It all feels surreal and insane. Im not the kind of woman that takes no for an answer, and I usually pick up all the peices and make it work out, but this time I cant, and that too, is eating me up inside.

I dont even want to be touched. Its not good.

I was told something that helped me alot, and its probably something that Ill hear alot, but someone told me that I am allowed to greive, and mourn the loss of my baby, regardless of what anyone says, its my body, my mind, and my spirit, no one elses.

It made me feel better, like giving me the allowance to hurt over this, something that my family at home doesnt think or feel about this loss.

Lots of hugs,
katt.

prayinggodravita · 05-22-2004, 02:32 AM

Loriette,
I am so sorry about the way you are feeling....Take care of urself...It's perfectly normal to feel the way you are feeling....Take your time to grieve...Nobody can understand what u are feeling....Time will make you feel better slowly.I wish you loads of babydust the next time you try....whenever you are ready...
lots of hugs...
ravita

loriette · 05-24-2004, 12:01 AM

Thanks for all the responses....I guess I am normal. I am still crying everyday and just going through the motions. Things are getting back to a normalcy and I have thought of ttc again. It just may not be for three or four months. Thanks again.

Lori

Bamaca · 05-26-2004, 06:12 PM

Lori, I just wanted to say these are all normal feelings. I just experienced my second m/c. The first I was 16 weeks and had to go through delivery and this one was I was 8 weeks and just had heavy bleeding and a trip to the ER. But I never anticipated an earlier miscarriage to be worse than the first but it has been. I was also sure I would carry this time. Anyway, I have been devestated with this one too. Just let yourself have time to grieve. I actually started to feel better and just found out this week my sister in law is preggo and all the bad feelings just came out all over again. I will keep you in my prayers. God bless Bamaca.

mertletheeturtle · 05-30-2004, 04:08 PM

I just wanted to add, that YES you are totally normal to feel the way you do. After my 2nd m/c I felt exactly like you do. I thought it was never going to happen to me and then I got pg again, and everything is going fine. I had tried Clomid last year up until the point that you are now and we too took a break for the summer and that's when I ended up pg on my own (unfortunately m/c'd I think due to low P4). You'll get pg again, don't give up. It's nice to take a break though. It felt nice last summer to not have to worry about temping and charting and when to have sex, etc.
Best of luck to you and DH! I hope you get pg again and stay pg real soon. (Have you read Taking Charge of Your Fertility? If not, READ IT! It's the best book out there for TTC.)
I'm sorry you are going through this. It gets easier over time.

loriette · 06-19-2004, 01:36 AM

Thanks for all the kind words and all the prayers that were sent. Some days are good and some days are bad but I make it through each one. Dh and I have not been preventing but if nothing happens before August will start ttc again with meds. I am not sure if I can handle another m/c but the want of a baby seems to out weigh the possible hurt.

Lori