just diagnosed with pcos! i want kids but my boyfriends not ready yet!! help!!

meg6 · 09-01-2009, 07:34 PM

hi...ive just been diagnosed recently with pcos, no one in my family seems to have ever had it and so this is new for all of us.
My big issue right now is that my doctor says that i have a really high posibility that i wont be able to have kids and this terrifies me. I am 22 (turning 23 this february) and i have been with my boyfriend (also 22 yrs old) for 3 years now. I am dead ready to start trying now to have kids, but my boyfriend is totally against this and wants to wait as long as possible before having kids. What should i do?! My mother (who has had 4 kids of her own and has survived through ovarian cancer) says i shouldnt wait and risk it, but my boyfriends family says i should.
im nervous because ive been reading up on pcos and have been talking to my doctor and it doesnt seem like ill have much of a chance of getting pregnant if i wait.
what should i do? my boyfriend says he is REALLY not ready for kids yet. and im not really up for freezing my eggs, nor do i think i have that kind of money to just put out like that right away.
plz help!!

Bruisen · 09-01-2009, 07:46 PM

Meg, having PCOS does not mean you will never be able to have kids...look all over this site, there is women with PCOS in their 30's getting BFP's (big fat positives).

If he is the one you want to be with, what I'd suggest is going off BC now (with his knowledge and a big box of condoms) and start to monitor your cycles and figure out how your cycle works naturally (or if it works). When he does decide he is ready you will be so far in front you will probably have enough knowledge of how your body works to be able to concive quickly. I wish i had done that, but was on BC for 8 years thinking we would have no issues.

charisse** · 09-01-2009, 08:12 PM

Meg, I have to agree with pp you should let him know your moms history and that you are going to go off BC and get that big box of condoms. Getting to know how your body works is kinda ok well really frustrating. I thought it would be easy being I have a 7 year old. Not so much ! I also wish I would have been Dx'd earlier and started trying right after I had my son.
Wish you the best, dont lose all hope but do get with the DBF on a plan.

GL hun !

KatCarney · 09-01-2009, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by meg6
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...my doctor says that i have a really high posibility that i wont be able to have kids...

Can you elaborate on why your doctor thinks this?

PCOS doesn't create a 'high possibility that a person can't have children'.

If there's an issue OTHER THAN pcos, maybe seeing a specialist can help.

Re: PCOS & Pregnancy>>
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aprildurham23 · 09-01-2009, 08:43 PM

Well, since your mother had ovarian cancer, I can see how he might think you wouldn't be able to have kids. But honestly, I would start right now PREPARING to have children. It's hard, because you think about it all the time. But I would suggest getting off BC, and using a different form of contraception. (Non-hormonal.) Chart your cycles, and solve any problems you might have NOW. Make sure you are regular every month - get to a healthy weight - and do everything in your power to think "fertile thoughts" I would suggest using the fertility awareness method for contraception instead. You can find the method in Taking Charge of Your Fertility - the best book ever!!

Once you are completely in control, and know your cycles (or lack thereof) and know your own body, then you can go to the doctor when the time is right. This solves SO many problems. So it's best to start "trying" now, by preparing YOURSELF and not necessarily trying to get the SPERM to the egg.

*Jenny* · 09-01-2009, 11:16 PM

I agree with the PPs. If your boyfriend isn't ready then you have to respect his wishes. He is still young and it may take a few years for him to feel prepared enough to take on such a huge responsibility, mentally and financially.

In the mean time, I think you should prepare your body. Start charting and see what your ovulation cycles look like (some women find they don't ovulate on their own). Exercise, eat well, etc, all the usual advice.

FYI - most women with PCOS do get pregnant. If that is your only concern then I would wait a few years because you are very young and have many, many good years ahead of you. Your boyfriend should really be on board with everything because TTC is a VERY trying time for a couple.

gracie381 · 09-01-2009, 11:30 PM

I agree with everyone by saying you shouldn't rush into anything.
I started ttc'ing when I was 24 after just 2 years of marriage because I was scared to death I couldn't get pregnant, it was a fear I had always had since being young. Then after seeing at RE at age 25 and getting bad news, I was devastated and became very desperate wanting a child. Since we had no fertiilty insurance coverage, my hubby & I decided to save up for a second opinion and in the meantime just enjoy our marriage. Five years flew by and after having all this wonderful time to ourselves and traveling and doing lots of fun things, we finally decided this last month it was time as i am 30, and you know what, now I really feel like i'm ready. Not that I wouldn't have been ready at 25 or been thrilled, but realistically i was just wanting a baby then because I thought i couldn't have one later on.
After getting a second opinion, this new doctor is very optimistic about our chances and I'm so excited and nervous but my hubby & I are really prepared this time and I'm ready for this journey!!
Now i'm not telling you to wait until your 30 or anything, I'm just saying make sure it's really what you want and you're not jumping into it out of fear! You have plenty of time. Like some of the other girls said, get yourself ready, exercise, eat right and get to know your body and you'll be surprised how ready you are when the time comes! Best of luck in whatever you decide!

Vixy · 09-04-2009, 10:04 AM

hi Meg, I know how you feel, i'm 26 and have just been diagnosed and the fertility thing is a real issue, time is going so fast and I feel that what with all of this I should start thinking about children now. From the posts above I think I will have a word with my dr about monitoring my cycle and starting off the process now so I am all prepared for when I do want children as at the moment I still feel too young and selfish to have children.

I would say too not to rush into things especially if your boyfriend isn't keen on having kids yet and you are still young so there is no immediate rush. Have you sat him down and calmly explained to him how you are feeling about this (i know it is hard to stay calm especially if your emotions are all over the place with this diagnosis) and your reasons for wanting to try now to see if he understands where you are coming from?

laurajane · 09-04-2009, 11:22 AM

Hi Meg,

Again i agree with the pp's, but also sympathise as i am sort of in the same position. My DP thinks he is not ready yet, but there is no need to be scared or worried about the amount of time you have. I have decided to loose a lot of weight, chart my cycles and try to get myself as regular as possible in the hopes that by the time this all happens he will be ready lol! I am just 20 and he is almost 24... men just need that extra bit of maturing i find :-) Granted waiting "as long as possible" would pretty much do my head in, but waiting a year or two wont hurt will it?

VickiHugs · 09-04-2009, 11:34 AM

Meg,

I was in the same situation a few years ago and i wanted to start trying but my boyfriend wasnt so keen. In the end he said yes (just to make me happy) and over a year later it never happened for us. I believe you will become pregnant when you know deep down its right, i think because i knew that he didnt really want to or wasnt as excited as i was that it wasnt right or my time to have one.

I used to think about pregnancy 24/7 and get excited if i felt sick in the mornings, to take my mind off it i got a bloody house rabbit!!

Now we are no longer together and i had to get rid of the rabbit (tear for the bunny) and im so glad it never happened for us, it was completely the wrong time for me.

I think you should wait until you are both ready and in the mean time get your body healthy and ready......and get a pet
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All the best! X

ErinM · 09-04-2009, 11:42 AM

hey meg...I am also a new cyster and we just started trying....While I agree with the pps as it does take a while after going off the pill for you get into a rhythm of your cycles you have to make sure your BF is on board with you going off BC! My DH and I just started trying 4 months ago and it is SOOO stressfull.....your BF has to be ready for the emotional rollercoaster that will begin for you once you go off the BC. Sorry if this was a little harsh but I just want you to have a good experience and the support around you that you will need....TRUST ME! Good luck with whatever you decide!
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Luv2Run1st · 09-04-2009, 12:36 PM

I agree with everyone that you have to respect your BF's wishes to not have a child at this time.

For my husband and I, he was the one who was ready for several years and I was still career focused and not ready. Then last year when I was finally ready to go off the BC pills (after 10 years on them) and start TTC, I ended up with my diagnosis of PCOS and annovulatory.

The good part, is I have been able to get very educated on PCOS and focus on getting my body fertility ready through diet changes. I actually chose to go back on the pill for a few months to normalize my hormones before beginning clomid next month.

I would encourage you to do that same and take this time, to get educated on PCOS and learning what you can do naturally to prepare your body so you are ready when the time is right.

meg6 · 09-05-2009, 02:40 AM

hey everyone
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i read all your messages and decided to have a very long talk with my boyfriend. We are going to wait - its the best thing to do. As much as i want kids, i have to respect him and give him the option to choose and not just put this all on him like i was.

i do want to say though that alot of the advice was to get healthy, excercise, eat right, ect. BUT thats the weird part, im not overweight, i do eat healthy, and i try to excercise as much as i can
im also starting to take up badminton and yoga !! so lets see where that goes lol and i go swimming ATLEAST once a week
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All your advice has made me feel better and i just want to say thank you. It made me have a bit more patience for my boyfriends sake

P.S. we actually do have a puppy together (i say puppy but hes already over a year old, lol we got him last summer)
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his name's MAX, he's a bichon frise, and the cutest most obediant lovable dog in the world
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