Just getting started...

acrosaz · 11-02-2006, 08:08 PM

We are so excited to be embarking on this journey and I am hoping to find someone who is in the same boat. After almost 2 year of TTC #2 - we conceived dd after 3.5 years of the same battle, we are ready to adopt. My feelings about not being able to get pregnant and adopting are two totally different things. I have always wanted to adopt, regardless of how many birth children we had. I am still hoping to have another biological child someday, but so excited about this!

We are going through LDS family services (our church). So far, I have submitted paperwork and fingerprints for our background checks and made appointments for our physicals. I have fillled out most of my paperwork. Dh is lagging a bit on his, but he'll get there. Our appt. to begin the homestudy is Nov. 15th. From what I understand, it's likely that we could be approved by the end of the year and then, it's just a matter of waiting. There is no waiting list...our profile goes in with all the other couples and the birth mom picks whatever family she feels is right. So, it could be a long wait or a short one...we will see.

Anyone else?

sweetums · 11-03-2006, 06:52 AM

Hi!

My husband and I just decided last night that we want to start looking into adoption! I'm SO excited since he was so unsure just a few short months ago! I have no idea where to start with all of this and it's kinda scary, but I wanted to say congrats to you and I hope your wait is a short one!!! How did you know where to start with everything?

Manders

Desperate4Baby · 11-03-2006, 06:18 PM

Good Morning everyone,

I am new to this who process and was hoping I might be able to tag along and see if I cant get some valuable information and learn somethings new on how to proceed with this option.

~Manders~, you may remeber me from TTC on Clomid, I was a fellow cyster there but like you am now embarking on the adoption journey and am a little unclear where to start. I hope all is well with you

Annie

sweetums · 11-03-2006, 06:37 PM

Annie, HI girl!!!! Yes I do remember you! How have you been? It's great to see you again! I hope that we can embark on this adoption journey together! I've just started googling "adoption in ND" to get an idea of the process and such, but I'm thinking I should broaden my search since we would love a baby from any state. Are you thinking about doing an adoption in the states or international adoption?

acrosaz, what do they look for during the home study?

Manders

Desperate4Baby · 11-04-2006, 01:45 AM

Hello again all!

~Manders~ Oh thank heavens I am so glad you remember me. Its great to be back and I am so glad were back intouch, despite the circumstances. How are you and DH doing?

I am still ttc on my own, even though I am researching the adoption options, I am intrested in adopting anywhere within the US, I havent done much research on international adoption yet so thats still in question) I am honestly just hoping this doesnt cause any more pain than need be, given my circumstances it maybe be difficult for me to adopt.Even though my DH and I have been in a stable relationship for 6 years, we are not legally married, so in the little amount of research I have done so far, Ive been told it maybe more difficult because I would be considered a single parent.

I am looking into taking classes (required her in Cali) in Jan or a Feb to become both a foster parent and be added to the agencies list of adoptive parents but I will be listed as a single parent

. and will then work on a home study, ( I need to save some extra money as this runs about 2700-3500 dollars here, ewww, and then the adoption costs, wow I couldnt believe it when I started looking into it) (not to make light of it in anyway but its like buying a car.)

In anycase I am so glad we caught up again here, I am so glad that we dont and wont have to go through this alone.

Annie

acrosaz · 11-04-2006, 06:32 AM

You are right...it's a big expense, but I am sure we won't think about it another second once that baby is placed in our arms. We spend a pretty penny on tests and medication and dr appts. to conceive our daughter...she is pricless. I, too, have likened it to buying a car. Like, a Kia Sephia. It's worth it.

I wish you both the best of luck as you begin researching. from what I understand, every state and agency is different. We are strong in our faith, so we knew we would adopt through our church. However, before we had Anna, we looked into foster care and were going to be licensed through another agency.

For the home study, I think they are looking primarily at the safety of your home and the stability of your lifestyle (financial, etc.) I don't think there is a problem if you are considered single.

Forgive me if I sound a little buggy. I am tired, but glad to have you guys to correspond with!

Nakira · 11-06-2006, 03:38 AM

Hello ladies, my name is Nakira and my husband and I just decided that we will do adoption as well. We found out on Oct. 16th that my husband has a severely low sperm count and the only way that we could possibly conceive, if sperm are present, was ICSI with IVF. After one visit too many with the urologist, my husband was ready to throw in the towel...God bless him!

So, I have already begun researching agencies and we look to make a move after the first of the year.

Also, as far as finiancing, you ladies know that there is a $10K tax credit given by the feds for adoption expenses. You file it in your taxes and it reduces your tax burden, so if you owe $20K taxes and have paid $23 during the year, you would normally look for a $3K return. With the credit, your burdern for owing becomes $10K, and your refund is then $13K. What a blessing!!!

Desperate4Baby · 11-07-2006, 02:15 PM

Good Morning every one

I hope everyone had a great weekend.

~Manders~ Hope all is well with you sweetie, how was your weekend?

~Andrea~ It's so nice to meet you! Yep, definately like buying a car, though I completely agree with you 200% and then some, no amount of money is too big for that joy of having the baby placed in your arms.There are so many deserving children out there. I too have always wanted to adopt regardless of how many birthchildren I had, and it not intentionally trying to sound selfish, but I think I always had this preconceived thought that my first would be a birth child and then we could adopt. While that theory was all well and good, and may very well be true for some or most people with and without PCOS or other fertility issues, truth be known when reality strikes, it is usually a very hard reality, and that reality is that sometimes it just isnt that way. Realizing that sometimes takes more time then we would like to admit if we want to admit to it at all. So we take Baby steps so to speak.

Ive been doing a little research on different agencies here in Cali some will do single parent adoptions and some will not which isnt so much of a problem. But some if not most of the agencies when adopting as a single parent wont consider my husbands income for financial qualifications. For the most part we live comfortably(not pressed for money or worrying about where next months mortage payment will be that kind of thing) once in awhile things get tight, however for me filing as single adoptive parent here in CA, for for the financial parts of it because we aren't legally married, they wont consider his income (incase something were to happen and we were to split)

We have the usual run of the mill expenses, and his three girls but it takes both our incomes to make things work and with us sharing expenses, it is making it hard to qualify as a single parent, things are so unfair. Thats all Ive managed so far, so I am still looking into alot of things and I am glad we are embarking on this journey together . Thank you so much for the support

~Nakira~ First off welcome, I am new to this group as well and they are some great people. I came across some info on the tax credit you were speaking of and I believe it is the same here in Ca as well. I havent been able to do too much research on it yet, but it is in the works. I am glad you joined us.

Okay everyone I better get back to work. Hope everyone has a great day!

Annie

sweetums · 11-09-2006, 02:16 AM

hi Girls!

I haven't been able to get online for days now, but I just had to quickly drop in and say hi! I will try to be back tomorrow to actually post!

I hope this finds you girls well!

Manders

acrosaz · 11-12-2006, 02:48 PM

Hi guys!
Hope you are all doing well. I am excited for this Wednesday because we have our 2nd appt with the case worker where we turn in all of our paperwork and, hopefully, get a timeline for when we will be approved. I have already finished our letter to birth mothers and will post it when I get it revised. I am feeling so positive and excited about this.

Annie - it sounds like your research is going well and let us know what the next step is.

Nakira - it sounds like you guys made a sound decision and a child will be so lucky to come to your home!

Manders - how are things going for you?

I will let you all know how my appt. goes on Wednesday~

Desperate4Baby · 11-13-2006, 04:29 PM

Morning Ladies,
Hope the weekend found you well. Its Monday, ewww (j/k). I havent had access to a computer since Thurs so I apologize for delayed responses.

~Andrea~ I an so excited for you with your second appointment. I cant wait to hear how it goes <crossing her fingers>

~Manders~ Cant wait till you back on line girl <grumbles at the computes,"they freaking have a mind of their own sometimes"

~Nakira~ Hope you had a great weekend. Looking forward to hearing form you on the boards.

Nakira · 11-14-2006, 10:20 PM

Sorry for disappearing, things have been REALLY busy for me lately. Great news...my hubby and I have an appointment with the chosen adoption agency on November 23rd...I am so excited. I am SOOO ready to start the process so that we can have a baby in our arms soon. It is amazing how the Lord orchestrated everything to be worked out like only He can.

It was amazing, but on last evening, my husband and I hosted dinner for his career/life coach. I often wondered why we were paying this man $150/hour, but he is worth every dollar. He did a session for my DH and I and focused more on the life coaching part. He had given us adoption homework that explored our deepest opinions about adoption and how we related to the concept. I walked away a different person on last night...one that was more confident and even more sure about the decision that we have made. God is so good!

Andrea: I am excited to hear about your meeting on tomorrow. It will great to have someone to go through the process with. I am nervous and excited all at the same time. Please keep me posted.

Annie: The $10K tax credit is available for anyone that lives in the US. It is a federal credit that is applied for through your income taxes. Some states offer incentives as well, but NC is not one of those. I admire your desire to do foster care...it is hard for me. My mother adopted four kids through foster care about five years ago...all siblings. It was the only way that she could keep them together and even had to fight the DSS system because of her age. The limit is normally 45 years between parent and child. I will say a prayer that your classes go well and that the process is quick and painless for you.

Mauders: I am interested in fiding out about adoption across state lines. I am just wondering if my baby will automatically come from a birthmother in NC since this is where we live. I will have a list of questions to ask the agency when we go in two weeks. We may want to consider starting a list of important questions to ask the agency when we go. Just a thought.

Okay ladies...I am signing off for tonight. You all be blessed!
Nakira

acrosaz · 11-15-2006, 07:04 PM

Hello all~
We had our appointment this morning and everything is going well. I still have to get my physical and Shawn needs to do his, then it's pretty much picture collage and some paperwork, copies of our letter to birthmothers. Our caseworker is coming over next week to begin the homestudy. It will take two sessions, then he sends his recommendation to the approval board. I am still optimistic that we will be approved before Christmas. It's exciting, but also scary. I get anxious thinking about all that lies ahead. I keep telling myself that it's in God's hands and that if we have a baby out there, we need to keep fighting. I am curious about eveyone else's emotions at this point?

Nakira - so glad that you were able to get an appointment. I think writing down your questions is a great idea. I did - there were so many. I know our agency does cross-state adoptions all the time. Our baby could come from anywhere. I am so glad that you are feeling positive and that God is with you. I think that's the most important thing. Your mom is amazing to take in 4 siblings...I am so grateful that there are people out there with hearts as big as hers. Do they feel like siblings to you or younger cousins or...?

How are Annie and Manders doing with all of this?

Nakira · 11-19-2006, 11:47 PM

Not a mlo going on here. I finally went over to visit my newborn Godson on tonight for the first time. He was born on November 7th and was not able to come home from the hospital until November 15th...so we were SOOO glad to have him at home. I went to visit him once while he was in the NICU, but I could not see him. I just sat and held him the entire time. The weird part was that his mother would not let me out of his sight. She was VERY protective with her first son, but a piece of me felt that she was afraid that I was going to run off with him or something. This whole infertility thing has been a hard journey, but one that my DH and I have made peace with. I do not know if the grieving will ever end, but it is not worth me risking my freedom and right to be a law abiding citizen....Oh well.

My DH and I are giving some thought and consideration in starting a nursery for our baby to be...really a faith move and I also here that this may help with the home study.

I was doing some surfing on the net and I came across the Bethany Christian services page and I decided to look through the profiles. There were 35 pages with 10 couples per page. Of those 350 profiles, only two were AA couples. I was so surprised to see this. I knew that we were rare, just not extinct.

Andrea: Glad to hear that your visit went so well. I pray that the two sessions are quick and easy for you all. I would be a nervous wreck going through the process but even more of a wreck if I had to do it around the holidays. If you could, I would love to hear some of the questions on your list. I am sure that some were agency specific, but I would still like to see. Are you going with a Faith Based Agency? We chose not to, since we are Seventh-day Adventist. We are dire heart Christians, but some folks shy away from what they do not understand.

Mauders and Annie: How are you ladies doing?

acrosaz · 11-24-2006, 02:19 AM

Hi there and Happy Thanksgiving! Hope yours was good...ours was great!
We started our home study yesterday. It was weird to have someone asking such probing questions and taking notes on our responses, but I understand that it's necessary. It will take at least one more session, maybe a couple. The next one is scheduled for next Wed.

Nakira - we are adopting through our church. We are LDS (Mormon). I am sure you have already thought of all the questions I asked: what is the procedure, how long does the process take, how long is the wait, total cost, how will we be chosen, can the bm change her mind...all the typical stuff. So far, the home study questions are about our history, experiences with family of origin, etc. It will also get into our marital and financial stability, parenting practices, etc...did you decide to work on the nursery or put it off?