 just a little rant
I am not sure if this is the place to write this, but i need to get it off my mind. I was dx with pcos when i was 17, no one ever really explained it to me and the doc put me on bcp's. i have always been REALLY bad at taking them then eventually stopped because i didnt have insurrance. It didnt really bother me that i didnt get my peroid, or that i pcos... i kinda just dismissed it. then all my friends started having babies and i tried and tried to get pg. then one day i was!!! i was very excited by bf on the other hand was an ass. (thats a long story in itself) i ended up delivering at 26/27 week and she passed away. that was 4/2006 shortly after that i went into a deep depression and decided to move. i left maine in sept and moved to south carolina, a place i had never even been before. there my life has started over i meet my current bf and life is wonderful.... or so thats how i should feel. instead im down 24/7. i try everything to be happy. but i miss my friends and family and i am dying to have a child ( we both are) my problem is i dont have ins becaus i cant keep a job, i cant keep a full time job becaus i get thoes days were i cant even pull myself out of bed. its been almost 2 years now since i lost my baby and since then my best friend is going on her 4th child, when she cant even take care of the 3 she has. and she just told me there are signs it will have ds. her oldest is 6 and just told my friend she was a bad mom. my heart breaks for these kids, they are in and out of shelters and hotels. they play admist parties, drugs and drinking. and here am i i have a safe home and a loving bf and we cant even have one. then there is my sister who just had a baby and she doesnt even know who the father is, she never wanted kids and she makes our mom care for the baby. i dont know if its jealousy or what but i am down and out right now. i know there is a chance that if i lose weight it might be easier to get pg but ive tried everything, and just cant seem to lose!!!! id love to go to counceling but there is no $$ for it. I'd like to go to the drs but again no ins and no $$.
i am sorry this is so long and i am sorry its not really about anything.... im just sitting here in tears and not sure why or what to do. thanks for listening
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