Just Posted Ad on Dating Site

tiggerlily5278 · 09-23-2005, 11:35 AM

All this talk about les/bi has made my desire stronger, lol. I just posted an ad on a dating website.

Wish me luck!

Hetaera · 09-23-2005, 12:48 PM

yay, good luck to you!
Ive never really had any luck with those things, finding another girl at least, guys always contacted me even though I was *only* looking for girls..

heres to hoping that you find someone amazing!

tiggerlily5278 · 10-01-2005, 08:51 PM

Well, I met up with a girl from the online date service. We really liked each other a lot, but we're in 2 different situations. I'm married & bi; she is lesbian. She is looking for a woman who will be in an exclusive relationship w/ her. But, she decided to meet me and talk to me, so forth, because she really liked my pics. So, anyway, we decided that we'd give it a shot, even though it wouldn't last forever. In the mean time, she met with 2 other ladies on the site...and she really likes one of them. So now I feel like I should never have done this. This is my 2nd time this happened (in the past I had a relationship w/ a lesbian who thought she could handle me being bi and married, but turned out she couldn't). I don't blame her, but it's still disappointing and SAD.

stormy1974 · 10-01-2005, 09:07 PM

Wow...your hubby doesn't mind that you date other people (reguardless of gender)?? I don't think my DH would go for that...He doesn't get jealous?? Do you think he would mind if you dated another man??

Not to pry...I just think I would be extremely jealous myself if DH dated someone else even if it were a man.

My sister is a rainbow...and I know there is a lot of stigma attached to her lifestyle, like everyone thinks everyone just dates each other all the time, but I know thats not true. She is engaged and moved to Vermont where her and her G/F can be legally married.

Stormy~

*Shellie_Star* · 10-01-2005, 09:21 PM

Good luck, I hope you find someone that makes you happy and is happy with the situation

x

Hetaera · 10-01-2005, 10:24 PM

aww carrie! dont be discouraged... I just want to hug you right now!

sorry that it didnt end well with her... but that doesnt mean that they will all end badly...

stormy, My husband and I have an open relationship...
Ive typed this so many times that I feel like Im speaking lines now lol
anyway, he hasnt been with anyone else, but I have been with three guys and one woman.
very early in our relationship I told him that I didnt think that monogamy is normal. People are going to be attracted to others, and to deny that fact only makes it forbidden fruit... so many relationships end because of a cheating partner... cheating is never okay.
We made rules. Everyone in the situation HAS to know exactly what is going on... and everyone has to use protection. Jealousy isnt an issue for me, I dont even understand jealousy anymore...
To me, I dont see the point in being jealous if I know he loves me more than anyone and he is definately coming home to me (and telling me all the naughty details hehe). He and I both know that we will never leave each other for another person so sex with others isnt a threat.
I hope that this doesnt offend you... but I think jealousy comes from insecurity.

so sorry carrie for the hijack... oh and I noticed your AIM name in your sig, I am Hetaera324, feel free to add me and message anytime (even if I'm away... I leave the messenger on all the time, but frequently leave and come back and forget to take off my away message, if I dont reply its not because I dont want to talk its because Im really not there!)

tiggerlily5278 · 10-01-2005, 11:03 PM

Hi, thanks for the responses. My hubby does not have a problem with me being with other females. He encourages me, actually, bc it is a turn on to him. The only problem he'd have is if I was involved w/ another guy. Nope, he doesn't get jealous over me being w/ another girl.

merrickgirl · 10-01-2005, 11:47 PM

Go Carrie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stormy1974 · 10-03-2005, 08:16 PM

I'm not offended...to each his own is my theory. I welcome diversity...I would be jealous and it's not from being insecure...it's from believing that my marriage is a monogomous relationship. If it hadn't started that way I probably wouldn't care...I am a strong believer that as long as your happy at the end of the day and your not hurting anyone else...be free and do as you will!!!

Stormy~

mmariee88 · 10-03-2005, 08:33 PM

I would say that all Les women I know will not date Bi girls. It is a pain is the ass unless they are just looking for some sexual fun. I would say to look at profiles that are Bi and go from there.

asrai · 10-04-2005, 02:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hetaera

very early in our relationship I told him that I didnt think that monogamy is normal. People are going to be attracted to others, and to deny that fact only makes it forbidden fruit... so many relationships end because of a cheating partner... cheating is never okay.

There are a spectrum of people and preferences. I look at monogamy and polyamory similar to how I look at gay, bi, and straight. They're just preferences on a spectrum. Not everyone will be attracted to others than their spouse. I don't think of myself as monogamous or polyamorous. I'm somewhere in the middle. I'm in love with two people, and have been in love with them for 7 and 9 years. I'm not attracted to anyone else. At all. It's like there were two slots inside me for love, and both have been filled, and I don't need or desire anyone else. I figure monogamy is the same, only those people only have one slot.

Everyone's preference is okay. Whatever works for a couple is okay. I agree that cheating is not okay. Any kind. It's betrayal. And it doesn't work. But there are more choices than open relationships or cheating.

Jealousy can stem from insecurity, but also it can stem from loss and unfulfilled needs. Some people need a monogamous spouse, just like some people need a spouse of their own religion or political affiliation. They need that commonality. Or they just need the security of it.

We say insecurity today like it's a bad thing to desire to be secure. Security is an essential need, and different people need different things to be secure. My husband is monogamous and that offers me a lot of security. I don't take it for granted. Sometimes I wish he were poly because he could understand ME a little better, but I enjoy him for who he is and I'm happy that we can find a common ground between the two. Even if there's not complete comprehension, there's an effort to understand and an acceptance and unconditional love.

tiggerlily5278 · 10-04-2005, 12:02 PM

Asrai,

That was so well said. Thank you. You really explained it in a way that I'd never though of before. It actually makes me feel better about my situation. Thanks!!!

stormy1974 · 10-05-2005, 03:39 PM

I agree...Very well said. I come from a very broken home and I think you said it perfect. I find total security in my DH. It's not that I am insecure, but that I find security in it just being him and I...if that makes sense...LOL!!

Stormy~