I'm new to the board, and really, my computer is slow so I'm too impatient to look through all the old post. But, my husband and I are seriously interested in adoption. And, I know it's a time consuming process, but we'd like to get started as soon as possible.
I know that the adoption laws vary from state to state (we're Okies) but, in general, where is a good place to start? What do we do?
I'm open to any and all information!
TIA!
__________________
Never forget the little things:
sunrises, sunsets, baby calves, and wild flowers.
Always have faith in God, yourself and the Cowboys. - Eddie Sutton
I know that many people are going to tell you otherwise, but I wish I would have listened when people advised me about avoiding the foster adopt route. Yes, it's less expensive, but it is a million times harder and more stressful than adoption alone. We had two babies ripped from our arms, and it was horrible. One went back to heroine addicts, and the other baby was placed in another state with other foster parents. We were lied to the entire time we had them (we were told we would be able to adopt for over 6 months), and I wish we had just started with an agency or lawyer first. We are now with a wonderful agency, and it is almost a zero stress level compared to fostering. I will never have to worry about having another baby in my arms and then having it ripped away.
My suggestion is talk to an adoption attorney and start requesting information from adoption agencies. I would avoid state systems or any agency that is affiliated with the state. If money is an issure start saving now. If you find a good reasonable agency, the costs are not that much when you figure in your tax credit. All in all we will end up with less than $5,000 in our domestic newborn adoption. I wish I would have know that before we went through all of the heartbreak. I wouldn't do it again for $100,000 up front.
I know that many people are going to tell you otherwise, but I wish I would have listened when people advised me about avoiding the foster adopt route. Yes, it's less expensive, but it is a million times harder and more stressful than adoption alone. We had two babies ripped from our arms, and it was horrible. One went back to heroine addicts, and the other baby was placed in another state with other foster parents. We were lied to the entire time we had them (we were told we would be able to adopt for over 6 months), and I wish we had just started with an agency or lawyer first. We are now with a wonderful agency, and it is almost a zero stress level compared to fostering. I will never have to worry about having another baby in my arms and then having it ripped away.
My suggestion is talk to an adoption attorney and start requesting information from adoption agencies. I would avoid state systems or any agency that is affiliated with the state. If money is an issure start saving now. If you find a good reasonable agency, the costs are not that much when you figure in your tax credit. All in all we will end up with less than $5,000 in our domestic newborn adoption. I wish I would have know that before we went through all of the heartbreak. I wouldn't do it again for $100,000 up front.
I feel your pain. I really do. When I was a senior in high school (6 years ago) my parents decided to foster, because that's just what they did. (My little brother was adopted and they've always opened our home to those in need - my mom is a teacher and those who came were usually students who needed a place to stay.) We got a 3 month old baby girl who's mother's rights had been terminated. From the start it was set that we were supposed to be able to adopt her when she turned one. Two and a half years later the state 'miraculously' found her father in Texas. Her father was a drug addict who didn't really want her in the first place (my parents allowed him to come stay with us on weekends to get to know her better) and the only reason he 'wanted' her was because his MOM wanted her. Anyhow - when she was almost 3 they took her. To this day, I see a picture of her and my heart physically hurts. My little brother, who was only 4 or 5 at the time, STILL talks about her... he STILL misses her. We can be out in public and any time he sees a little curly blonde girl he says, 'She reminds me of Chrissy.' My mom was heart broken for MONTHS afterwards. They kept telling us over and over again that we were going to be able to adopt her.
What I'm getting at is this: I will NEVER be able to foster. And, I will NEVER deal with the state. The state's system is a freakin' JOKE. I could go on and on and on about it, but the Chrissy Situation ruined me from ever being able to have faith in Oklahoma's DHS system. Ever. And that's sad.
__________________
Never forget the little things:
sunrises, sunsets, baby calves, and wild flowers.
Always have faith in God, yourself and the Cowboys. - Eddie Sutton
While I understand the state systems are not perfect and not everyone is cut out to be a Foster or Foster/Adopt family, there are 'success' stories of people who adopt from their state's foster care system.
My DH and I were foster/adopt parents for over a year and were able to adopt our first 2 foster children. Once their adoptions were complete we closed our home as we were able to adopt 1 or 2 children as originally planned.
Not all of the children are returned to bio-family and there are wonderful children in the foster care system who will need permanent homes. Foster parents do it for the children - not CPS, not the bio-families - but the children. The children deserve better and need to know love - whether it be for a day, week, month or forever.
I'm not asking to be slammed. I'm just lending my point of view.
While I understand the state systems are not perfect and not everyone is cut out to be a Foster or Foster/Adopt family, there are 'success' stories of people who adopt from their state's foster care system.
My DH and I were foster/adopt parents for over a year and were able to adopt our first 2 foster children. Once their adoptions were complete we closed our home as we were able to adopt 1 or 2 children as originally planned.
Not all of the children are returned to bio-family and there are wonderful children in the foster care system who will need permanent homes. Foster parents do it for the children - not CPS, not the bio-families - but the children. The children deserve better and need to know love - whether it be for a day, week, month or forever.
I'm not asking to be slammed. I'm just lending my point of view.
Susan
Thanks for your point-of-view. Really. The whole thing breaks my heart, really. I hate it that there are children of all ages out there in the system with no real homes.
I know not all foster-to-adopts end like our situation did, and I'm so glad, but I just don't know that I could go through that again. AND, it wasn't even 'my' child... it was my 'sister'.
I am really glad your case turned out different... I would never wish that kind of heartache on anyone.
__________________
Never forget the little things:
sunrises, sunsets, baby calves, and wild flowers.
Always have faith in God, yourself and the Cowboys. - Eddie Sutton
While there are tons of avenues to bring home your child not one clear cut path is right for everyone.
What I suggest is ask tons of questions. Do tons of research. Call agencies (start in OK then move nationally if you don't find one that you like) call lawyers. Go to informational meetings from the agencies and also go to the ones for foster/adopt.
When you figure out what is right for you and your dh you will know. Ask us on here and join groups that are specifically for AP's...heybobo.com, 2Adopt Yahoo group...there are tons of communities on the net...and full of information and you can ask questions...and get support...b/c hey like ttc, you need to have support! We've gone through it and can help each other!
One piece of advice that I wan to share...that was told to me by another AP that had already adopted was that to never pay any agency anything until atleast they have done something for you. You can pay out the butt to agency $10-15K before they've even done anything and if you have another match some where else then you are out that money, b/c most don't give refunds.
I am new to the adoption process and have just completed the orientation process for Foster Care and Adoption and can echo what one of the ladies above has said... When you choose to go the Foster or FosterAdopt route, you have to do it with a heart for the children. I know it hurts for you to have to send a child back to a bio parent (especiall when you think they are unfit,) but when you consider that the children really need to have a connection with their birth parents, and are considering the child, I think it makes things a little easier...
...Notice that I said "think" because I can only imagine the hurt it would cause to make someone a part of your life and family and then have them ripped from your arms. I am really praying that God will help my husband and I deal with the fact that this could actually be a real process for us. I am praying for the strength to let them go if I ever have to, but the the capacity to love them like they'll never leave!
__________________
Steph luvs her Hubby!
Married 09/01/06
TTC since 01/2007
______________________________________
Cinnamon, Flax Seed Oil, Prenatals, Baby Asprin
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I did a search on adoption laws for different states, and I am astounded at how simple they are. Most states require either an agency or an attorney, but other than that, things appear to be mostly straightforward. I would want an attorney anyway, just to make sure things are done right with no misunderstandings or hard feelings on either side. I have to wonder about things like , what if the baby is born with birth defects?
Hi I just wanted to add I too did the foster to adopt thing through my state which is Pennsylvaina. Anyways my story is a little different my great neice was taken away by the state (her mom had mentle issues she was MR) anyways I stepped up this was july 06 anyways she was placed with me at 2 weeks old. I had full custody of her and child services said they would just come once a month for 6 months then case would be closed and she would remain with me. Well come november 06 they suggested to me that I could adopt her through them we would go to court and they would take custody but she would remain with me. I was unsure of this but they assured me it would be fine and I could adopt her within 18months and I already had 4 months in and if I didnt if I would have to pay for the termination of mothers rights and full price adoption. With them it would be only $300. And termination would be free. I agreed and went to court and whatever else. As time went by (months) the 18 month mark came and gone every month I was asking them how much more longer they said any time now their putting in the papers for court blah blah blah. Then one day this past september they came for a "routine visit" although there was nothing routine about it. they were taking pictures of her and such I asked them what the pics were for they said oh her adoption profile. Then a week later the came on a wednesday served me papers for court on friday they put in a motion to remove her from my home. I called a lawyer and the lawyer said it was short notice just go and ask the judge for a continuance. In the court papers CYS lied bad on me the whole thing was made up and when I called to speak to the case worker about the lies she never got back to me. Then the day of court the case worker came up to me and said "Im sorry the papers were worded wrong but we had to do what we had to so we can get to court" we went infront of the judge I asked for a continuance he refused said I have no rights and removed her from my home. I was crushed is this judge for real??? This little girl I raised for over 2 years who doesnt know no one but me. Im her mom I raised her. I was shocked depressed. im still trying to deal with her not being here that was my baby girl. I WILL NEVER TRUST THE FOSTER SYSTEM ANYWHERE. Ladies good luck with your adoptions hold your head high and hope you get your babies soon Best wishes.
__________________ Melanie~29 taking a ttc break to work on me To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
still going to track my cycles though
Last edited by alliemyangel06; 02-08-2009 at 08:12 PM.
My name is Amy, we also live in NE OK. I can't have kids (have tried for SEVERAL years with no luck) so we're adopting again. We foster/adopted and got our one and only son who's 3 through DHS. Unless God drops a kid in our laps and CLEARLY shows us to go through DHS...I will NOT do that again! (if you want to e-mail me I will tell you our story about that, won't go into it on here.) Anyway, we're going to go through a Christian agency here in OK that's actually located in Edmond. We also have two possibilities of two individuals (a teenage friend of my nieces' and a friend of my cousins) that we'd possibly do through an attorney who handles private adoptions. It can cost anywhere from aprox $5,000 for a private attorney to $18-20,000 with an agency. I've done LOTS of research on the agencys here in OK and if you want to contact me I will send you the links that I have for them. Good Luck!
Hi I just wanted to add I too did the foster to adopt thing through my state which is Pennsylvaina. Anyways my story is a little different my great neice was taken away by the state (her mom had mentle issues she was MR) anyways I stepped up this was july 06 anyways she was placed with me at 2 weeks old. I had full custody of her and child services said they would just come once a month for 6 months then case would be closed and she would remain with me. Well come november 06 they suggested to me that I could adopt her through them we would go to court and they would take custody but she would remain with me. I was unsure of this but they assured me it would be fine and I could adopt her within 18months and I already had 4 months in and if I didnt if I would have to pay for the termination of mothers rights and full price adoption. With them it would be only $300. And termination would be free. I agreed and went to court and whatever else. As time went by (months) the 18 month mark came and gone every month I was asking them how much more longer they said any time now their putting in the papers for court blah blah blah. Then one day this past september they came for a "routine visit" although there was nothing routine about it. they were taking pictures of her and such I asked them what the pics were for they said oh her adoption profile. Then a week later the came on a wednesday served me papers for court on friday they put in a motion to remove her from my home. I called a lawyer and the lawyer said it was short notice just go and ask the judge for a continuance. In the court papers CYS lied bad on me the whole thing was made up and when I called to speak to the case worker about the lies she never got back to me. Then the day of court the case worker came up to me and said "Im sorry the papers were worded wrong but we had to do what we had to so we can get to court" we went infront of the judge I asked for a continuance he refused said I have no rights and removed her from my home. I was crushed is this judge for real??? This little girl I raised for over 2 years who doesnt know no one but me. Im her mom I raised her. I was shocked depressed. im still trying to deal with her not being here that was my baby girl. I WILL NEVER TRUST THE FOSTER SYSTEM ANYWHERE. Ladies good luck with your adoptions hold your head high and hope you get your babies soon Best wishes.
Wow. I feel for you. And, I know exactly how you feel. That's almost identical to the situation we had. Granted, she was my 'sister', but I was still heartbroken. She felt more like my child, anyway - I was 19 when my parents took her in at 2 months old and she went EVERYWHERE with me. I loved her and then they took her to place her with her "suddenly found" bio-father who was slightly MR. It's sad and heartbreaking.
__________________
Never forget the little things:
sunrises, sunsets, baby calves, and wild flowers.
Always have faith in God, yourself and the Cowboys. - Eddie Sutton
My name is Amy, we also live in NE OK. I can't have kids (have tried for SEVERAL years with no luck) so we're adopting again. We foster/adopted and got our one and only son who's 3 through DHS. Unless God drops a kid in our laps and CLEARLY shows us to go through DHS...I will NOT do that again! (if you want to e-mail me I will tell you our story about that, won't go into it on here.) Anyway, we're going to go through a Christian agency here in OK that's actually located in Edmond. We also have two possibilities of two individuals (a teenage friend of my nieces' and a friend of my cousins) that we'd possibly do through an attorney who handles private adoptions. It can cost anywhere from aprox $5,000 for a private attorney to $18-20,000 with an agency. I've done LOTS of research on the agencys here in OK and if you want to contact me I will send you the links that I have for them. Good Luck!
I would LOVE to be able to talk with you more about this and get some information from you! I'm from NE OK, as well (I don't know if I said that in the original post). I'm not able to email or send PMs until my post count is higher, so maybe we could exchange emails? I would love to talk to you!
__________________
Never forget the little things:
sunrises, sunsets, baby calves, and wild flowers.
Always have faith in God, yourself and the Cowboys. - Eddie Sutton
I would LOVE to be able to talk with you more about this and get some information from you! I'm from NE OK, as well (I don't know if I said that in the original post). I'm not able to email or send PMs until my post count is higher, so maybe we could exchange emails? I would love to talk to you!
Sure...areaves0622@sbcgobal.net. Drop me an e-mail and i'll be happy to chat.
__________________ Amy, SAHM to Skyler
Wife to Chris
Starting the adoption process.
Just questions... 
