Just when I thought I was better...

liliputian · 03-10-2004, 02:41 AM

I had a day like this!

I have been working so hard for about a year in counseling, as well as adjusting meds to overcome this horrible depression. I was ready to just be better as soon as I started the quest, but held on with patience as I knew in my head it was a matter of time as well. I had finally gotten to the point where two weeks ago I spoke the words "After all these years, I actually feel like myself!!!" I have been feeling great after adding another med to the mix. My spirits and energy have been up, I have been able to concentrate, and actually accomplish a task in a day. I have been exercising again, and feeling so motivated.

Then I woke up. This morning I woke up with that all too familiar feeling of just being too exhausted to move, let alone face a day with my little ones, chores, bills, and work ahead of me. I felt that heavy "cloud" over me, weighing me down. I had the desire to do things, but physically had no strength. I found myself in tears for no reason, and in tears for silly reasons, and now I am nearly in tears and full of anger. I thought I was getting over this! I didn't do anything differently yesterday that I can attribute these feelings to. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened, and I can't even blame getting up with the girls because DH did that last night! I just wonder if this will ever end...

Lendi · 03-10-2004, 10:17 AM

Ah, baby steps. Don't be too hard on yourself. Did you know, that a child who has a lot of trouble dealing with life, and gets into trouble a lot is afraid to behave. If something happens to turn that child around where there behavior is good, and someone "rewards and praises" to high, it sets a fear up of not being able to be good all the time. They are afraid of success so will misbehave again to they can't fail. Maybe you are going through something similar. Fear of always having great days. But, no-one always has great days. Just as no child is always perfect. Allow yourself a few angry grouchy days every now and then. Tell yourself it is ok. But, if you have more than a day or so every now and then, please talk to your counselor. You could have a med that needs adjusting again. Our brains are odd and chemical imbalance can happen pretty sudden. Hoping the rest of your day perks up. And, I will have you in my thoughts. It is truly discouraging to see a light at the end of the tunnel only to have it blink out. Hugs, Lendi