Slow-Motion

Do y'all believe in Karma?

I always have, but what I can't seem to understand is what I've done to deserve what has/is being thrown my way. I feel like since high school I work for a dollar just to get two taken away (or another version of take two steps forward but one backwards.) Here's my depressing story...

• 12th grade, my uncle promises to pay for college if I move over 1500 miles away from home. I get there and he pays for 2 classes and kicks me out, for no reason! I had a boyfriend so I worked my ass off to stay in that town and to not fail like my whole family thought I would. I survived on my own for 2 and half years. I bought a car ON MY OWN! I supported my ex, it was all ME! He relied completely on me! He couldn't handle the woman making more money then him, he called my boss and filed anonymous reports that I was stealing. I was fired. I found a new job, not as good as the one I had but I was still the one supporting us.
• I caught him in bed with a whore and I excepted my defeat. I packed my bags I drove back home (home town.) I met DH, I found a job, was getting back into things, living with my parents but taking care of what I needed to do. My step-dad started telling me that I had to be home at 10pm or to not come home. I worked until 10pm! After sleeping in my car a few nights I moved into a shack! I had to sneak into my parents house while they were at work to shower. I was still paying my car payment even tho I barely had anything to eat. No one would help me, my sisters took everything I had. All of my CDs most of my cloths. It was all in boxes I had no where to put. They pawned everything and kept the money.
• My grandma bought my older sister a car. My mother takes my car (she co-signed) and gives it to my little sister! I lose my job because it was to hard to walk to work (over 10 miles with no public transportation) I had to shut my cell phone off, I couldn't pay for it. My mom buys both of my sisters cell phones and pays for them, then tells me that if I give her $30 a month she will add me to her plan (why do I have to pay and not them?) I turned her down.
• Everything I have worked for my family takes away. I buy a truck from my sister to find that she had given it to our dad. I went to get the truck my dad says I can have it once he takes the parts he put on it out. (all four tires, new transmission, a few parts in the motor.) Or I can pay him for the parts $800. I already paid her $200! Needles to say the truck is still sitting at my dads house.
• I worked so hard to stay with DH after my family threatening to kill him (because he's "to quite" and said he didn't like any of them.) Now that we are married no one in my family talks to me. They all where VERY upset that I took his last name. My older sister is the only one that still talks to me (she only wants free babysitting) I'm glad they don't talk to me right now. I'm sitting back waiting to see what they try to take from me now!
• I find out that my friend is pregnant again! That's number 5 for her, number 5 daddy also. And here I am with infertility problems, married, and have been trying for months now.
• I want to try to go to school now, so I've applied for financial aid. DH can support us, but I'm scared because I have always been the one to have to. Things seem to be looking up, I'm just waiting on the big slap in the face and someone to run off giggling because my dreams have yet again been blow into oblivion! (I feel that way after each BPN I get these days tho)
• I ask you where did I go wrong? what did I do to get all of this? To have so many people take advantage of me, to take the little that I have and giggle about it.

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SunnyInSeattle1

Slow-motion..... take your DH away from your family. Some of my family is like that. I don't deal with them at all. It took me awhile. I am 35 now, but I have lost everything a few times. So I understand the Karma. I now have a wonderful man and He takes care of me, without hesitations or reservations from my family.

Good luck and I personally think you need to keep your family away.

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avatare

Sounds like you've had a really rough time, but now you have the opportunity to rebuild your life, deal with the past and look towards the future. You are only 21 -- definitely don't even consider having kids so young! Here are the reasons:

-We are all bound to repeat the mistakes of our parents. You have not had much time to distance yourself from them and become an emotionally balanced and secure person. (Your fears over your husband supporting you are indications that you may have to learn to trust people). You are obviously really strong to have dealt with all of this - but you need to give yourself more time to become your own person independent of them if you want to break what sounds like an emotionally abusive cycle in your family.

-It sounds like your husband is really supportive - and that's great. Build a close circle of friends as well - make a new family from friends you can count on - after all - they say it takes a village to raise a child, and you definitely don't want your old family involved with your children.

-You have the opportunity to go back to school -- and that's amazing! Give yourself a chance to discover your interests -- maybe you'll discover a career that makes you passionate -- don't do anything (like having kids too soon) to compromise the opportunities you now have in this world!

-As for the infertility thing - you are lucky to be aware of your PCOS so young. If you follow a holistic strategy to well being (ie. the Low GI diet, exercise, vitamin/herbal supplements, etc) for the next several years while you are at school -- by the time you are ready to have kids your body will be more ready! (And in the meantime, you'll look and feel great.)

Good luck!

vbendel17

I believe in Karma, but I also believe that you won't get more than you can deal. From reading your post, you sound like a very strong, independent woman. I understand that you were pushed to that point a little too soon in life, but I admire you. You fought for everything that you have now and you don't owe anyone but yourself! I would be proud of myself if I were you. And just think, if you ever have a daughter, you're going to be raising her to be strong and independent much like yourself. Not taking anyone's s*** and not needing anyone to support her. Bravo to you!