Keeping TTC a secret

ckprentice · 07-31-2008, 11:01 PM

My husband and I are TTC (x6mo) and we haven't told anyone except our phsyicians about our plans about having a family. I told my bestfriend and asked my husband to tell someone close to him just so we can each reach out for daily support as we need it. As we are getting more and more into our process it's getting harder to keep everything a secret, going to the doctor more often and having to keep more areas of our lives secret from our families. It's not that we don't think our families will be supportive, we are going for the shock factor! When we are two months along we want to surprise everyone with the NEWS! Has anyone else kept TTC a secret? If so any advice how to get through it without spilling the beans?!
Thanks!
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srugg · 07-31-2008, 11:21 PM

I tried to keep a TTC secret from my mother (just because she sticks her nose too far into everything, and then tends to exaggerate/skew the details while gossiping ot others). It didn't work. One of my co-workers, who is pretty trustworthy, accidentally spilled the beans to my mom one day over the phone. Needless to say, it took two weeks of explaining everything to my mother before she would quit prying. She wants EVERY detail. (I had previously told her about the PCOS, so she did know that much.)

I completely admire what you are trying to do, I just hope it works out better for you than it did for me! Good luck with TTC!

vtmargaret · 08-01-2008, 12:17 AM

I think keeping it a secret is best as well. I've told two co-workers about me and my DH ttc, and they haven't told anyone. But their advice isn't very good. They don't understand pcos or infertility and keep telling me that it will just happen on its own. One even told me to give up and adopt! But I understand the dilemma. My fiances family doesn't know about my pcos, and his mother is already pushing us for a grandchild. Its what we want, but I don't know if she'll understand. The bottom line is, most people don't understand PCOS. I think its best to do what you're doing. Tell a few trusted friends, but otherwise keep it to yourself.

LaRay673 · 08-01-2008, 12:32 AM

We kept our ttc a secret for 3 years until I had my first lap surgery. I still didn't want to tell a soul, but dh knew my family would be very upset if I had surgery and didn't tell them. It took them a while to get over the fact that we had tried for so long without telling them, we even went through an m/c.

I still wish that no one knew. It's now been 5 years ttc. Friends and family either completely avoid the kid/baby/pg subject on EVERYTHING or that is all they talk about around us. It's always awkward when the subject comes up. One of my good friends waited until she was 16 weeks pg to tell us they were expecting #2 (we went off bcps at the same time when she was ttc #1). My family, friends, and coworkers all know where I am at in my cycle, what treatment plan we are on, practically when we bd
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. It's really weird having your grandma ask you if you are having sex enough or the guy a few desks over ask about your dr.'s appt when you get back to the office.

I think you and dh were smart about picking one friend each to confide in (which is what dh and I did after about a year ttc). It is nice to have someone else's feedback.

Good Luck and I hope your ttc journey is short and sweet!

cmhudson07 · 08-01-2008, 12:52 AM

Dh and I have been ttc for 8 months and we, too, have kept the news under wraps. We each chose one person to tell and have sworn them to secrecy.
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Though both of our families would most likely be very supportive of our ttc journey, we just don't want to have to answer a million questions about the process or our bodily functions over Christmas dinner. Our child will be the first grandchild on both sides, so I don't want to get our parents' hopes up for a baby if the ttc journey is going to last longer than I'd like for it to. Besides, if my MIL knew we're ttc, she'd be sending over Barry Manilow cd's and massage oil!

KLB9278 · 08-01-2008, 03:23 AM

We also have not told many people. I have not told any family because I just don't want the questions all the time. I do have a freind I talk to about everything. She knows a ton about the issues at hand so it's easy to talk to her.

My daughter is going to be 8 in less than a month. So for a LONG time we had always heard "when are you going to have another?" They finally gave up on saying that a couple of years ago. But I just know if I told people we were ttc it would start up all the questions.

ducky · 08-01-2008, 03:46 AM

I didn't keep it a secret, we are now TTC#2 for 7 months already. I so regret telling anybody. Even my mother. There are always questions about if anythings happend yet. My co-workers are always asking if I'm pregnant. If I could do it over again I would not have told anyone!

neady · 08-01-2008, 09:23 AM

my mother and a few of our friends know and i think my father suspects but never mentions it my DF mother doesnt know b/c she knows "best" and were not ready we have all the time in the world....eeeemmm no not really!!! the youner the better!

i do wish no one knew and in some ways they dont as they dont think PCOS is anything to worry about!!! it will happen aparently!!

StephWitty · 08-01-2008, 11:35 AM

Good morning ladies, my DH and I have tried to keep it a secret, but it is hard to go through this awful process alone. We told our immediate families (excluding his parents) and that is it. I am just not comfortable telling my friends, they all will know if I tell one of them. The inlaws are desperate for a grandchild and I am there only hope, so I don't want to put them through the ups and downs that we go through every month. I know they wouldn't understand anyway, so hopefully we can keep it quiet until it finally happens.

sweetmomi · 08-01-2008, 12:12 PM

no one knows on our end

Reebs12 · 08-01-2008, 12:43 PM

We have been TTC for 10 months and I always thought I would keep it a secret. It was easy for the first few months but now that I am starting meds it seems like I am always going to the Dr. Befoer TTC I never went to the Dr. for anything other than my annual. I've told my boss at work because of all of the appointments and a few close friends. Even though they don't understand what it is like, I am glad I told them.

myfirstlittleone · 08-01-2008, 12:54 PM

We didnt keep it a secret that we were going to start trying for a family after getting married. Had all the appropriate tests done. Got off the pill after the wedding and things just didnt go the way we had wanted them too. PCOS Dx was not what I was expecting at all...My family knows for the most part. We have been trying to keep it to a small list of people that know but I do wish that we had kept it to a smaller list now but most of the people we have told have gone through the same things we have so I am happy for the advice and/or knowledge that they bring to us. None the less its been a long tough road.
G/L to all!!

ckprentice · 08-01-2008, 04:13 PM

This might seem a stupid question but what is DH? I know that it's husband something? I'm not sure please provide some clarity! I appreciate it.
I thank all of you for your encouragement about keeping TTC a secret. I feel kind of like I am betraying people, because keeping a secret always turns into something bigger when you have to start lying to people. I hate it! However, I feel much better hearing that you guys are glad you kept TTC a secret also. I didn't realize that so many people would ask so many questions and I guess that it makes so much mroe sense to continue to keep it a secret. Our child will also be the frist grandchild on both sides and I think that it's exciting to tell them once it's happened, but I think I would feel like an even bigger dissapointment if they were expecting it and I couldn't pull through this. I have the best husband and he's so encouraging. I feel like we are just at the beginning of our TTC journey, and quite frankly after my HSG on wednesday I'm starting to get a little nervous about what lies ahead. But now that I've found support here I feel like keeping it a secret is okay, not I have support here and can wait and surprise the family! Thanks all!

Yahtzee · 08-01-2008, 04:25 PM

I have kept TTC a secret for the most part. Two friends know. My mom sort of knows what is going on, but has no idea what I am going through. I have been trying to keep it all quiet because I don't want the questions. It was a lot easier knowing I only had to tell two people it didn't work rather than a whole ton of people.

farmgrrl · 08-01-2008, 04:51 PM

I don't think my DH has told anybody. I have told a couple friends at work and they haven't said anything. I have also told my boss, to explain the appointments and so that he will have it in the back of his mind, since my maternity leave will have a high impact (I am the only one who does the job I do and we won't be able to bring anyone in just for 6 weeks).

To a few other people I have said that we are not preventing. Of course we are doing much more than just not preventing, but I have not wanted to go into it.

We haven't told any of our parents because we don't want to be asked about it every time we talk to them. Also my mom was fertile myrtle, and doesn't understand a biological thing about being pregnant (she has both me and my brother VERY young and didn't know anything), and I don't want her to start spouting off nonsense. I have researched the hell out of it and know more details than any normal person wants to know!