Keeping TTC a secret - Page 2

sweetmomi · 08-01-2008, 04:55 PM

DH darling husband

ckprentice · 08-01-2008, 05:19 PM

What is DH???? Thanks!!!! I appreciate it!
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
So many abbreviations I'm learning being here! I'm OBVIOUSLY new!

myfirstlittleone · 08-01-2008, 06:20 PM

DH means Dear Husband
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

rynngo · 08-01-2008, 07:37 PM

this might sound weird, but do you all find that by not telling people you are TTC that you are under more stress?

Fortunately for me, my family has been very supportive. My MIL has been understanding and not pushy as I am her only hope for grandchildren. but once I was able to explain all the symptoms and procedures to my family (whoever asked) they were very understanding. I did get a lot of "well just lose the weight" or "it'll happen when it happens." I attributed most of my outward symptoms to genetics and told all of them that, because most of the women in my family (including me) has facial/body hair, adult acne, excess weight, dark/tan skin and patches. I come from an Italian background.

I have found that by talking about my condition especially with other women who have the same condition, is less stressful. And I also want to warn the other women in my family about this condition as they say it can be genetic and passed on to your kids. No one else in my family has this. My one niece has been diagnosed with IR and she did gain a lot of weight (40 lbs in the last 2 years), but she is trying to control her diet now (21 yrs old) and get into an exercise routine that she can stick to. So if by talking about my PCOS with my family I have helped my niece to avoid what I am going through now, I believe it to be better to talk about it as much as possible.

btw- I have also told my boss and co-worker only because of the amount of time necessary for the dr appts.

zilla · 08-02-2008, 10:41 AM

Everyone knows, but only a few know all the details. We kept it private for about two years. After that, it was just too aggravating, so most people know.

Except my Mom who is not normal and has no filter. She would tell the mailman her daughter is infertile as well as anyone with a pulse. Mom lives with us a good portion of the year. I do not even want to IMAGINE how irritating she would be.

Mom is not mentally stable, and would tell anyone, anything for attention. I am not letting her use something so personal and painful to me for her own purposes.

Mom must be the center of attention at all times in all things.

KristinaAnne · 08-02-2008, 03:24 PM

zilla- The way you just described your mom makes me think you know my Mother-In-Law! She's the same way, and uses the "gossip" she knows about others for her own attention. Her best friend (the sweetest woman I know) has relapsed with breast cancer recently, and it doesn't look good. My MIL sends emailed updates after her friend's doctor appointments! The email list includes everyone from close family to their scrapbooking club! It makes me sick inside.

So our journey TTC is kept a secret. I feel a little guilty for not telling my mom, sister and sister in law- but in the end I want it to be a surprise. Sometimes I want to tell them so badly because I want someone to confide in besides DH. It's for the best though, because I don't want to answer all of the questions every day. I feel like it's an easier battle with just DH and I, and less upsetting if I have to tell everyone about our upsets. When we do get a BFP, I can't wait for the surprise of telling them!

DCBailey · 08-02-2008, 03:27 PM

aw thats nice!
We tried to keep it a secret and then it turned into months with not being preggers and then people started asking..so we told them we are working on it.
so the gig is up! LOL but since we have been trying for a little while it should still be a big surprise or shocl
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

KristinaAnne · 08-02-2008, 03:29 PM

I forgot to mention- that they all know about my PCOS and that we're atleast ready for babies. Whenever asked I just tell everyone, "We're not trying NOT to have them, so when it happens it happens".

At the beginning of my PCOS Dx my Mother-in-law literally told most people we know any story she could get her hands on. Just yesterday I heard from my husband's cousin "Aren't you doing fertility treatments?" (my MIL knows NOTHING about anything we've done or thought about doing). My GRANDFATHER (who saw my MIL in the grocery store one day) asked my mom about me being completely unable to ever have kids. I've also heard from family that my DH and I simply don't want kids. Sometimes my MIL hears a little fact and morphs it into this story that she can yell across the neighborhood.

sdesandro · 08-02-2008, 05:15 PM

We actually just told my parents last night. It has been 10 months and testing is getting more aggressive. I made it clear to them not to call me every month and ask me if it worked, and also that I did not under any circumstances want my grandmother to know. My grandmother is so old fashion and thinks everyone wants to know her views and does not care if it hurts you in the process. (just like telling someone you have gained a lot of weight......as if the person did not already know that. That is the stupid things my grandmother likes to point out to people.)

We decided to tell them because my mother works at the hospital and has to do the billing, and if she stumbled across my chart, I figured it would be harder for her to find out that way then it would be for me to just tell her.

tat2edprincess · 08-02-2008, 06:14 PM

As for us, the first go round with clomid, everyone knew that we were ttc. The night I got my bfp my dh called his entire family! It hurt him having to call everyone the following week and tell them that we weren't pg anymore. (I had an ectopic)
This time around we haven't told anyone that we were even ttc again. Its actually been way less stressful this time around and we are enjoying the process a lot more lol! We are hoping for a bfp by christmas so it can be his parents gift this year lmao!
Good luck n lots of sticky baby dust!

Franca · 08-02-2008, 06:23 PM

I wish no one knew we were TTC, but my husband is a major blabbermouth. He'll tell business friends that "we're starting a family". Lord knows what they'll think if they're asking in two more years and nothing's changed.

I've told a few friends who I know also had fertility problems. I'd be happy to leave it at that, but more and more people have asked the 'when are we having a baby?' question, so I've admitted to most that we're working on it (but with no details).

I have no concern about talking about infertility with people, but then at my age (almost 39), it doesn't feel like there's anything wrong with me- it's fairly normal to be less fertile at 39. It also helps to have Brangelina doing IVF. I think the more people hear about it, the less 'weird' it will seem to people.

scubastar5 · 08-02-2008, 06:28 PM

Hi all, i am kinda new to this board, but just wanted to chime in. Unfortunately, i have been an open book to my family and coworkers. At the time of dx i didnt really have anyone to talk to so i discussed it with my mother who in turn told my entire family. The in laws are actually very supportive, but my fam is just nosy sometimes.

I even told my family when i got preggo the first time, and some close coworkers. But that turned into a whirlwing, because when i lost my baby, the same day that my granny's funeral viewing was, my brother ( who was with us at the doctor when we found out) ran to my mother and told her and of course she played poor pitiful me. I could have screamed. She told people i had never even seen before. At every corner there were people talking about me and my baby, most of which barely knew my name. That was a horrible experience. So, i have decided now that iw ill tell NOONE until i hear a heartbeat and maybe even after that!

MiniGidget · 08-02-2008, 08:21 PM

We were going to keep it a secret, but it is so hard and stressful that way....I think I needed some support. I told my 2 bosses at work, so that they would be understanding if I unexpectedly missed meetings to go the doctor to get a trigger or something else that might come up. Since I work in the medical field, this was a good choice b/c now they find ways to get me out of going to radiology or anything else that might be harmful if I do become pregnant. I told 2-3 very close friends, and it has been nice to have someone else to talk to it about. Granted, they don't have fertility issues and they are ttc also.....but we commiserate together. I figure they'll probably get pg before me, and I'll be sad.....but they've been very supportive. I wasn't going to tell my parents, but I broke down 2 weeks ago and told them. I wish I hadn't. Of everyone I told, they were the least supportive. They kept saying "Oh..if you are anything like your mom, it'll happen the first time." I was like, well....because I have PCOS and am in fertility treatments, I can already tell you it hasn't happened that way. They didn't understand. Because of their reaction, we decided not to tell DH's parents. Best of luck with your secret!

Anonykat · 08-02-2008, 08:23 PM

I am a huge advocate of keeping TTC a secret. People who don't deal with infertility tend to say stupid things about it, and just not getting into it can avoid that stress. We kept it a secret the first time, and will keep it a secret when we go back to the RE this fall, too.

Jenn29456 · 08-02-2008, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ducky
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I didn't keep it a secret, we are now TTC#2 for 7 months already. I so regret telling anybody. Even my mother. There are always questions about if anythings happend yet. My co-workers are always asking if I'm pregnant. If I could do it over again I would not have told anyone!

I totally agree with this!!!!

We told our families and some coworkers. WHAT A MESS that was! Had to deal with all the questions ALL the time. We finally told everyone that we are taking a long break, not letting anyone know anything else.

I am due to go back to RE in January to start treatments again, and I am NOT telling a soul (other then my DH
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
)

Good Luck with keeping it a secret (it is hard) but it will be the best thing for ya!