a little down....

craftyshutterbug · 12-29-2006, 05:19 PM

A little background, before I begin:

I have had multiple miscarriages, but didn't find out until recently that I have PCOS. With the meds I am on now, I am doing better, and waiting to TTC until I am healthy, and have gotten through Grad School.
Right now, I still get a bit emotional with babies, especially around babies around the ages mine would be now (I had a bit of a crying jag after my psych advisor showed me pictures from her daughter's second birthday, but she doesn't know about it or my history), but over all I am doing better than a couple years ago.
A few months ago, a now former friend of mine (our friendship sort of ended when I let her know what I thought of her relationship(and she asked me what I thought!)) began dating a much younger man, a very volatile relationship after an abusive relationship. The kid was so so, very young (19 to her 24) and naive, but not a bad kid in general. Not really someone I could see her with, but an okay guy when he grows up, I guess. Well, being a young, not bright kind of guy, they fooled around without condoms and she's preggers. Their relationship deteriorated, and I found out yesterday that he left her, and is denying claim to the baby (and there might be reason to question the paternity). Honestly, I don't think she is someone who could be a good mom. She's very.....selfish, I guess, kind of self absorbed and a bit of a party girl, with some former drug and alcohol problems.

How is it that such irresponsible people, people who don't want kids, have no problem getting pregnant, yet there are those of us who would do almost anything for a baby and cannot experience that joy of pregnancy? All she worries about is getting fat (which she is so NOT), and how she won't be able to have sex after a certain point in the pregnancy.

How do you guys get through it? How do you cope with being around pregnant friends, or around people who have kids the ages yours would have been? Sometimes all I want to do is just break down and cry my eyes out, but I don't dare do that in front of people, especially those who don't know.

Anonykat · 12-30-2006, 12:41 AM

I'm so sorry. I've had the same thought... seems so many people who are crappy parents, neglectful, selfish, abusive, have no problem popping out kids, and it takes so many of us who are NOT abusive and neglectful years and years. It sucks. My sincere sympathies on your losses.

LK

sweetsmom · 12-30-2006, 01:15 AM

Many hugs to you!

Cyster1976 · 12-30-2006, 02:53 AM

Hugs to you

jayde

craftyshutterbug · 12-31-2006, 10:22 PM

Thanks you guys.

Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling like this, and I hate myself for it, which depresses me more. But deep down I worry. I worry for this poor kid she is bringing into the world, and all the pain and drama this child is going to know thanks to it's mother's lack of common sense.

Then there are times where I ache for not being able to know what it is like to carry and raise a child, and to see people who were preggers around the same time with bright happy children, and it just makes me want to curl up and cry. I hear them complain about the rising costs of child care, and their kids being sick, and I just want to take them and tell them how lucky they are that they can complain about things like that! When does that feeling go away?