So I have searched through many of the threads and there are many about trying to get pregnant, losing wieght and symptoms that we all suffer from. And I find it hard to beleive that there aren't other cysters out there who are not only dealing with a combination of these, but are also struggling through them while trying to meet the right guy that they can be confortable enough around with these symptoms. I hate it enough right now when I have someone get too close to me and am afraid that they will see my "5 o'clock shadow". I am afraid of what he will think when he sees me naked the first time. I shut myself off to that and as a direct result I am lonely. My friends tell me that I shouldn't be, but they really don't understand what I see when I look in the mirror and what I can't get past when it comes to getting involved with someone. I flirt plenty with guys that I work with, but only the ones that I know are safe, the ones who are in relationships, so it is truly just flirting.
Please, is there anyone else struggling to just get over themselves and ot able to put theselves out there? Have you been me? What have you done to just get past it and let your guard down to let him in a little? There are so many of you that are married and with boyfriends that must have struggled through this and can help a cyster out....
Thanks
DH says what attracted him the most was my confidence and my straight approach. It wasn't til later that he knew what that cost me emotionally. But I had reached the point where I was fed up, and I'd decided to just put myself out there plain as plain could be. I was honest, direct, told people when I thought they were attractive, asked people out, told them what I was looking for, etc.
Saves time, really.
Of course, some ran for the hills -- a bold woman can intimidate a certain type, but at the same time, it attracts others.
It is a huge step to be willing to make the first move, put yourself out there. But like with anything else, practice makes it easier.
Go there where you want to meet people -- church, bookstores, concerts, bowling, whatever it is you like.
V.
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Alisha - I have to say that the right guy won't care, but I know that's easy to say since I am already married. I actually met DH before I had major onset of my PCOS symptoms - it was after we were dating that I suddenly started getting acne, hair all over, and gained 100 lbs in one year despite very few diet or lifestyle changes. And DH happens to be a great guy who was really a rock for me during those changes, as well as a guy who still makes me feel attractive when my chin has stubble, my nose is oily, Metformin has me feeling sick as a dog, and my pants are fitting tight.
Those guys are out there, but I know how hard it is to meet them. I remember spending a girls' night out with some friends that were mostly single. At this point, I was already (happily) married, and had pretty much all of my PCOS symptoms I mentioned. Anyway, we were out and of course there were guys there that started trying to get our attention. Well, after about an hour it became obvious that my skinny non-PCOS friends were getting a lot of drinks and attention from lots of different guys, and none of the guys even glanced my way (and it wasn't because they saw my wedding ring, I feel pretty certain). Logically, I told myself that it didn't matter - that I should feel relieved that I wasn't dealing with unwanted advances from immature drunk guys, especially considering I had a great DH waiting at home. But truthfully, no matter how much I didn't really want the attention, it hurt to see everyone else getting it and to feel so unattractive and ignored. I cried on the way home that night.
Anyway, I know how you feel and how hard it can be. My advice to you is to keep your spirits up, because there are decent guys out there who will love you for the person that you are and the beauty that you have that is only yours. In the meantime, keep focusing on things to make yourself feel good - managing your PCOS, taking a yoga class, getting a spa treatment, experimenting with new make-up or a new outfit. Take time to do things that interest you, and be open to new friendships that you'll find along the way. Take the pressure off of yourself - if you meet a new guy that seems nice, don't immediately doubt yourself or start feeling pressure to be "date-worthy". Instead, strike up a friendship and see what happens. At some point you'll start to see the chemistry building between you, and if not then you've always got a new friend in your life. Or, maybe the guy is a dud and you can move on to a new chapter of better things that you deserve.
I realize I sound a bit sappy this late at night, so I apologize! Most importantly, just remember to keep yourself happy on the inside, get out and meet new people and create new friendships, and let things happen naturally. PCOS might take away some of our confidence, but it can't take away the person that you are, and there is somebody that will appreciate you just for that.
__________________ Nicole (32)+ DH (33) Married June 4, 2000 my blog! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
dx PCOS Fall 2000 TTC since Sept 2006 1st BFP Dec 2006 lost @8 weeks To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I know it is no consolation, but being in a relationship is almost as bad. I mean, instead of trying to FIND someone, I am trying to KEEP someone that chose me when I was on BC and none of my PCOS symptoms were apparent. We decided I would go off BC, and that when everything went downhill. I gained a bunch of weight, bascially lost any sex appeal I had and just felt so ugly and nasty. Now instead of dealing with finding someone to have sex with me, I hope and pray that he STILL wants to have sex with me. I am so insecure around other women, always thinking about whether he is looking at them or not. Whether single or taken, all of us cysters have the same problems. Whether it is finding a man or keeping one, both are equally as hard in our situations. And you know what, I feel absolutely loonely too, even with him here. I think it is the fact that people around us really don't understand what we are going through. Keep your head up, I know it is hard but try.
__________________ The Irish have always been victims of negative stereotype. I mean people think we're all drunks and brawlers; and sometimes that gets you so mad all you wanna do is get drunk and punch somebody.
Alisha I totally relate, I wish I were at a point where I was TTC and then I also worry about when I get to that point. I know I will have the same issues that Siobhan has pointed out. Here's my two cents...
...if I hear that 'right guy' speech one more time I might puke (no offense to those that have already posted it). So many of my friends and co-workers say the 'right guy' is out there and I'm like, 'yeah, point him out to me, maybe I need help seeing.'
How do you find the confidence and strength?
When I decided to put myself out there, which believe me was hard enough, I #1 swore off sex. It only complicates your emotions...
Started some form of daily excercise.
Dated multipule men, I looked at it like an interview process, I still look at it that way.
I joined a dating site this helped build my confidence, and while I didn't meet ANY potential partners I did meet several guys who made me feel very happy to be single!
Eventually, I built up a 'pool' of 3-4 rotating guys that called me and I could call just to hang out or talk to, casually. I wanted to get the feel for a guy and let him get to know me before I immediately started with the whole PCOS stuff...I started out slow with my 'diabetic condition' (meaning IR). Once it becameo obvious who really 'did it' for me, I just very casually phased the other guys out of daily or weekly chit chat.
Now, I'm seeing a man I love dearly and I am so afraid of my PCOS symptoms driving him away. I have mild sleep apnea and snore like a bear, I have hair in places I shouldn't and not enough in places I should. I workout 1-2 hours a day and still look pg, I'm almost 35 and if TTC w/PCOS isn't hard enough add your biological clock: tick-tock-tick-tock...I figure he'll dump me for a 22 y/o any day now...what an awful feeling! Its the old addage 'be careful what you wish for', but alas, 'nothing ventured-nothing gained', right?
Amelia, I too have the fear that my BF will leave me for someone else. Thing is I AM 22!!! I know deep down he loves me and everything but thewre is still that insecure little girl inside of me who fears rejection. Add these wonderful PCOS symptoms and boy is it a challenge. I try to remember that he loves me for me, not my body, which makes me feel good but at the same time makes me feel horrible. I want him to love me for both. Love me for me and love my bopdy too, but honestly, I can't love my body so how can he? It is true that everyone wants to say "the right one will come along" or "things will get better", well it is easy for them to say. They are happily married/together and don't have PCOS crwling up their behind. I salways try to block those people out. The only ones that can tell us it will get better are those of us who have been through it and came out the other end with things better. No one will ever understand PCOS that doesn't have it, bottom line. No matter how much you explain, or break it down, they just won't. So, now that I have rambled...... my point is that we are all in the same boat. I am just glad we have SC to come to and rant, rave, *****, complain, etc etc etc. It makes this whole thing just a little bit easier.
__________________ The Irish have always been victims of negative stereotype. I mean people think we're all drunks and brawlers; and sometimes that gets you so mad all you wanna do is get drunk and punch somebody.
I don't know how much help I can be as I am going through the same things right now, just wanted you to know you aren't alone. I too only flirt with the taken men I know, or my gay friends. I call it keeping the skills alive in case I ever really want to flirt with someone. Being intimate with a man scares me because no matter how carefully I shave I will miss something and he might see/feel it. Then what? In my mind he bolts and you get that man shaped hole in your wall from when he ran away. So as of that I am just trying to accept the fact I will be sexless for life.
I can understand shutting yourself off from it, I have done the same, but now I have walls around myself that are tougher to get past then Fort Knox. I kinda went overboard on the protecting me part and as a result even if I wanted to let someone in, I don't think I could. I'm so scared of being laughed at or rejected being lonely seems easier even though is sucks soo bad. I almost want to say don't protect yourself too much, cause once you cross that line it's hard to go back over it.
I am no where near an expert but I would say just be yourself. At some point a guy will come along and see you for who you really are, not what you see in the mirror. Go out and have the fun, don't even think about getting a guy, just enjoy life. I wish ya luck and hope you feel better.
I have nothing to contribute, cause I feel the same way as the original poster but I just wanted to say, Thanks ladies! I really needed this. =)
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Taking control of my health for the first time in years. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Currently on Yasmin, Apple Cider Vinegar+Cinnamon+Green Tea Suplements and the IR Diet.
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Maddy and Alisha please take each day at a time. Remeber good day and good things that have worked.
I know PCOS sucks and all the extra stuff that goes with it sucks. Just remember you are not alone.
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DS1 ~ John 9/7/08 (after 9 years and 7 losses)
DS2 ~ Due Dec. 2009 (who knew!!)
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Lonely 
