Ok..i went back to the dr today..I was givin methatrexate on friday to abort my baby that I just found out about friday....(b/c it is a tubal pregnancy)....they did blood work and my levels are still raising..which means that my lil bean is still growing...I HATE THIS...I really think that it is goin to drive me insane knowing that im pregnant...but that I am just waiting for the baby to die..i want to crawl into my own lil hole and stay there forever..I go through these moments where I think to myself..holy cow...there is a baby in there and then I remember that I had to take a shot that is slowly but surely goin to end my babies life...I know that at 7 weeks the baby isnt much more than a blob...but..it's still my baby. I really dont know what to do...they are makin me wait till friday to come back and do more test to see if the growth has stopped...I just wish that they would do the damn surgery to end it all now instead of makin me wait...i keep thinkin...the baby is gettin bigger and bigger and they just want to wait....I cant stand it...I know that sounds harsh...just do it and end it...but the reason i want that is b/c the baby is still growin and the longer I have the baby inside of me..the more i keep gettin attatched to it..I dont know if that makes much sense...but it how I feel...thanks for lettin me whine....
I'm sorry you're going through this. My thoughts are with you!! (((HUGS)))
__________________ TTC since 12/01 3 years on clomid, 1 letrezole cycle - no pg ovarian drilling 12/04 Finally BFP on 3rd cycle of follistim - our Triplets were born 10 weeks early and are home after 5 weeks in the NICU - Thank you GOD for our Triple Miracle!!
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I'm so sorry this is happening to you, it shouldn't happen to anyone. This sounds like a living nightmare. Knowing the loss is pending has to be extremely excrutiating on you. If you feel comfortable, I would suggest surrounding yourself with your closest loved ones until it is all over. Perhaps they can help give you the strength to get through it.
Take care
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"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
-Albert Einstein
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Thank you all very much...Im tryin to be gentle with myself..but I dont know what to do quiet honestly..but I will survive..if I can live through burring my son..I can make it through this...Also...my family is all around me..but they all act like it's better too just ignore it then to talk about it yanno..I mean they are there..I know they love me..but they are not there too really talk too..none of them has ever been through something like this..all my siblings have children and never had any problems what so ever with it..so they just really dont understand. The one person I do have by my side is my DBF....he is losin a child as well and has been treating me as if im made of glass...he is here for me to talk to at anytime and he ...poor guy...gets the brunt end of my hellacious mood swings...but he is here for me none the less...again thank you all for the support
How awful. I've always found it amazing that with the all medical technology out there, no one has yet found a way to simply move the bean from the tube to the uterus.
i wish it was going better! you are right that attachment keeps developing as time drags on! i am so sorry.
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Scooter 1/28/05 16w3d, IC
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To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Pucky 6/11/07 blighted ovum Dx PCOS 10/2003.
TAC placed 6/28/07 at University of Chicago.
Moving on to IVF after a year of infertility and 3 Femara cycles. Lupron started on 7/27.
I'm so sorry about your loss and the pain that you're going through. (((hugs))) Most of us here know how you feel so feel free to lean on us whenever you need. Please take care.
__________________ enits
Noelle - my little baby, was only with us for 17 weeks and 5 days, February 7, 2005
2nd loss - my little angel, could only stay with us for a little while, 8 weeks, August 3, 2005
Hoping to remain positive, always...
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy and I know exactly what you mean about nobody wanting to talk about it. I was in the hospital and no one ever mentioned that fact that I had lost my baby. It didn't dawn on me until I was leaving the hospital, with balloons and flowers, but no baby!! No one ever brought up that fact. I think it makes it worse not to talk about it. It sounds kind of weird but to me it felt like I wasn't supposed to be sad, like people would think I was crazy. But it's so true that no matter what and how long that is your baby and no one can change that. Espcially since the pregnancy was so early I feel like some people didn't think I was supposed to be sad. Your baby is not a blob, you bonded with your baby the minute you saw those two lines on that test. It's been 7months since my little bean went to heaven and it's gotten easier. The biggest thing that helped me was the realization that it was going to get easier, but not go away. I still find it hard sometimes, but it's a little easier. Take the time to feel the way that you need to and take as long as you need. I am here if you need to talk. Feel free to email me if you need to, even if it's just to vent. (((((hugs)))) chshire@sbcglobal.net
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~Angela(28) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Robert(28) Married 3/16/02 ~ ~Diagnosed w/ PCOS 5/02~ ~5 years of failed treatments from clomid to gonal-f~ ~1 ectopic pregnancy ~ Lost right tube~ ~Lost our angel baby Feb 14th 2004~ ~In the process of adopting a little girl!!~ ~Giving accupuncture and herbal therapy a try~
I am so sorry for your loss...(((HUGS))))...thank you so much for sharing that with me...and yes the hardest part is everyone acting as if im just sick...i just want to start screamin at everyone and tell them HEY IDIOTS...ITS MORE THAN THE DAMN FLU!!!! MY BABY IS DYING...but i dont..i just go on about my day..prayin for it all too end..I want it over with...i just want it all too end..I know that in time it will get better. In Janurary of 98 I had a son at 23 weeks...he lived for 2 hours and 46 mins...and im still dealing with that everyday..but it has gotten easier. Until this is over i just cant get on with the healing process..I asked if they would tie my tubes...this is my 3rd miscarriage..and I honestly dont know if Im strong enough to keep going through this...I feel as if each time it happesn that I lose another part of my soul and pretty soon there wont be any of it left...Im sorry for the rambling ladies..but this is my only outlet (other than DBF) to get this stuff out... I dont like tellin him all of this b/c I know he is going through all of this too..I know he would listen and let me rant..I just dont want to put any more on him than he already has..I go back to the Dr today...too see if my lil bean is still growin...to be quite honest...if it is...im going to beg them to do the surgery..im goin slowly insane knowing that the baby is still alive only goin to die...i really cant take much more of this.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you're going through right now, or what you went through with your son born at 23 wks. Right now I'm waiting for my m/c to start, although I've known for 3 weeks that this baby was no longer alive. I understand you wanting all this that you're going through to end. I want all this to end for me too... but then I sometimes feel guilty thinking that since I know my baby is safe right now, even though he's not alive. Probably that doesn't make much sense, but I just wanted you to know I can sympathize with your feelings of wanting it all to be over with. You're in my thoughts... {{{hugs}}}
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me - 30 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. dh - 28
dx 5/5/05
BFP 7/19/05....missed m/c 9/05
BFP (clomid 50mg + trigger + IUI) - 4/30/06!
Twin boys born @ 33wks... 29 days in the NICU
BFP (clomid 25mg + trigger + IUI) - 12/19/08!
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Thank you so much for the hugs...and ((((HUGS)))) for you..im sorry for your loss...I dont think that you should feel guilty for wanting it to end at all...And I understhand your wanting to keep your baby with you..that is also how some parts of my didnt want to know that it was over. So I really dont know what else to say...except Im so very sorry and you are in my thoughts and prayers...again im so sorry for everything that you are going through
So sorry for what u r going thru. Please stay strong u will get thru this.
I am sending u lots of hugs & prayers.
__________________ M-28, DH-28- To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 2 Fur babiesRx-Atenenol-only taking half now for tachycardia no more high bp!, Met,prilosec1 a day pre-natal with DHA-4/08-CD-4-9Clomid-150 mgs bust HSG 4/08-Clear-
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long....emotional 
I wish i could think of something better to say...my thoughts are with you though...
