Long story - many questions - possible M/C

tracybird · 10-20-2004, 07:50 AM

Dear All,

I haven't posted in a long while as I usually search the board if I have a query...this is more personal though and need to share my story.

My last period was 20th July 04, I got to 42 days and thought that I felt 'different' I usually begin to become PMT witch at this point, sitting it out until AF shows, anything between a week and month.

As I felt 'odd' I took a home preg test and got a very faint positive. I began having breast tenderness and thirst.... Peeing alot and after a while nausea. I also craved olives but don't usually like them. I also felt like I 'knew' I was preg.

A week later I took another test, which was inconclusive, must have been a dud test and couldn't afford another. So I made an appointment with my doc - this test came back negative, a week later they did another but it was also negative.

I asked them what they thought should happen now, they thought that I should just wait and see what happpened only needing to return if i got an infection or was in pain. I wanted an ultrasound but they refused due to not having a positive test done by themselves.

I finally got my period monday, spent all day in bed yesterday, feeling very dpressed. It is not heavy but is very brown (sorry to be graphic) I am not sure what form a miscarriage at this point takes or even if I was preg, my doc thinks 'no' I think 'yes'.

With my calculations I believe I was preg for about six weeks, loosing it approximately four weeks ago - it is exactly 13 weeks since my period.

Questions:
1. What should I expect if I am having a miscarriage?
2. Am I allowed to grieve?
3. Are there potential problems that my doc should have checked for?

My DBF is being fab and was also disapointed, but the rest of the family are of the oppinion that I was wishing too hard and therefore the symptoms were in my mind.

My head is Spinning!!!!
Thank you
With love,
Tracy

truffles · 10-20-2004, 08:24 AM

poor you tracy i can tell you are very down and upset.
firstly yes you can become pregnant and not know it then the inevitable happens and you have what seems like a late or odd period.
strangly enough the same thing happened to me many many years ago id been to the hospital for a regular check up and had a blood test and a wee sample done while i was there as my period was late and like you i felt funny, something i couldnt actually pin point what was happening.
anyway m y doctor said id had a high level of hormones that DID indicate i was pregnant but sadly i started spotting a few days later, the period turned into a normal period not heavy or painful at all but i felt shocked and stunned.
as someone who has had a miscarriage at 10 weeks now that was something else, the bleeding was terrific and as for the pain wow it knocked me side ways on that occasion i was taken for a d&c.
as for you this is hard to deal with did you by any chance ask the doctor to give you a beta? i think that is the first thing to do to see if you levels have been elevated that would throw a light on the whole thing.
go back and ask for this to be done today if possible, the line you saw might have been an early pregnancy but your hormones might not have been strong enough to detect, if it wasnt that then it might be that you had an evaporation line but as you said you felt pregnant so that needs checking with the beta asap.
as for grieving yes you are bound to feel down and upset i was too, its a mixture of sadness confusion and why me.
please go back and ask for a beta and let us know how you get on, thinking of you, truffles xxxx

tracybird · 10-20-2004, 10:27 AM

I did ask for a blood test, but my doctor did not see much point if the urine was negative! Being in the UK I have to go along with what my doc reccomends!

truffles · 10-20-2004, 10:48 AM

oh tracey i am sorry i know how you feel my gp is the same.
are you bleeding yet? a proper bleed or is it brown blood? if you need to talk im in chat at the mo, if you cant make it pm me and i will send you my email if you need support.
truffles x

SheriKCMO · 10-20-2004, 01:42 PM

Tracy,
I believe you were pregnant. I think you've done plenty of thinking about it and have come up with a very likely timeline. ((Hugs)) Unfortunately, yes, you should grieve if you feel it coming. Some moms don't grieve early losses, but most do. I have had one early loss, and as many others might comment, the bleeding varies widely from slight to severe. Some of the lining reabsorbs and sometimes everything comes on its own, and in the worst of scenarios, a D&C is needed to prevent trouble because it won't come on its own. I wish you luck.
We are here for you, anytime. I hope this doesn't get harder for you, and I'm so glad that your BF is good to you and understands what you need right now (they often need a bit of a reminder, though)

.
Take care,
Sheri

AvivaElona · 10-20-2004, 06:33 PM

1. What should I expect if I am having a miscarriage?

Other cysters can answer this better than I can. However, I believe at one point I did have a very early MC (no way of proving it) and I just had a stronger than usual period with no lasting problems. I would have only been 5 weeks though (3 weeks post conception)

2. Am I allowed to grieve?

If you are feeling grief of course you are allowed to grieve. You lost something that was important to you, there is no one who has the right to tell you not to grieve.

3. Are there potential problems that my doc should have checked for?

Retained placenta, or infection are the only two real problems that I can think of. if you were only 6 weeks pregnant those things are possible but not all that likely. I think you might want to switch doctors though to one who does check, and one who takes your concerns more seriously.

Hugs, and I'm sorry for your loss.

Aviva

tracybird · 10-20-2004, 08:13 PM

It was so nice to get your replies! I suppose I was just looking for permission to be sad...thought I'd dealt with it when the second neg test came back, but there is something so final about it now. Going to do some beautiful thought therapy to get me through the following days, but also gonna remember that at least I know it is possible to concieve and for this I am thankful and lucky.

Thank you, with love
Tracy x

tndrmrcies · 10-20-2004, 10:30 PM

Yes, you are entitled to grieve and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. No matter how early a m/c is, it can be devastating. Even the tiniest of lives are special. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. ((((((hugs))))))