DH is making an appt for a vasectomy after Valentines Day. If we are supposed to have more babies God will have to work a miracle. I am off all birth control right now (except abstinence) why take it if we aren't doing anything right?
I have to admit that I am very angry and hurt right now. You would think if DH is taking this away from me that he would at least still make love to me! I am so upset that he won't touch me at all anymore and that if I want to do something it takes days to talk him into doing it. What is wrong with me?! Why am I so unattractive to him? I have been encouraging him and cleaning the house, taking better care of myself-wearing makeup-doing my hair, putting on a good face and being "happy". I just want to yell at him...but I won't bc I am too nice and will just keep swallowing my feelings.
Thanks for the vent...
__________________ Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
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Started November 15th and 22 pounds lost!
Walk America in 2007 in memory of my little Jackson. Go to walkamerica.org/sweetsmom to support me.
I am with PP. I am sorry that you are having to go through this without Dh talking about it. I would be hurt too. Is there any way you can tell him how you feel?
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JESSICA
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I have told him but i think it comes down to the issue of: am I willing to give up my conception obsession? He is knocking on the door of 40 and wants us to move on and enjoy life together bc we have been so focuses on TTC for 8 years. I am thinking that I need to accept what I have and be satisfied. The moving on is really scary bc I have no clue where it will take us. At least I pretty much knew where another child would take me! We have 2 kids and I love them dearly...we had wanted a large family but now we are small and intimate. We have more than a lot of people facing infertility will ever have.
ARGH!!! I hate that we have this awful, heart wreching infertility issue! It beat me and it is time to give up. Whatever i want just doesn't matter anymore. Like I said, I love the 2 I have and need to figure out how to be satisfied with them.
__________________ Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
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Started November 15th and 22 pounds lost!
Walk America in 2007 in memory of my little Jackson. Go to walkamerica.org/sweetsmom to support me.
The moving on is really scary bc I have no clue where it will take us. At least I pretty much knew where another child would take me!
Well... the truth is, you never know where ANYTHING will take you, really. In my mind it sounds more certain to have two and be done with that and move on with the rest of your life than it does to keep trying.
Is there anything about being done you can look forward to and be happy about? For me, I am stuck in "still trying" limbo and I hate it because there are so many ways in which I want to just be done and move on with life. I want to go back to school - I have two totally worthless college degrees. I want a career for myself, I want to go out in the world and do something and have some role for myself outside of wife and mother. I personally am not happy being just wife and mother. I mean obviously it's important enough to me that I don't just quit now, but I still wish there was more to life than this. I hate being stuck in trying to have a baby mode - I want to go back to school but that is not going to happen until we are done with kids and they are past the baby stage. I also look forward to going backpacking as a family and that can't happen until the kids are old enough. I figure that will be at least 8 years old or so - right now we have a 3 year old. I always figured my kids would be 2 years apart so he'd be 10 when we could start going camping (planning on 2 kids) Well the older he gets before #2 is born, it's just that much longer until we can do stuff like this together and I HATE that! (I know there are people who go backpacking with babies and toddlers but I want to ENJOY this, not just be able to brag about how we did it )
This is to say nothing about being able to get rid of baby gear and clothes and not think you might still want or need it some day... that stuff takes up a lot of room!!! Plus you can throw yourself into diet and exercise and not keep thinking about "I don't want to over-do it, it might hinder conception" or "Why bother now, I'm just going to get stretched out and fat again..." etc. Other beauty matters such as laser hair removal, anything like that that you wouldn't want to be involved with while TTC.
Anyway I can see how being done, especially if you aren't sure you're happy with 2 and your husband is, can seem daunting and strange... it's a hard thing just to toss aside something you have been so focused on for so long. But try to find SOME reason that being done is good, try to look for some things you can do for yourself, or some things your family will be able to do better when the kids are out of the baby and toddler stage... try to find some positive side to look at. I hope you can find something. Even if it seems small, try to find something!!!
About your husband not wanting to have sex... i seem to think that with a vas, isn't there a period of time that they don't really think you're in the clear? Like aren't you supposed to go back 6 weeks or 6 months or something later and have an SA to make sure it took? Right now, since he's just planning to book it, you're definately not protected, and even once he had the procedure, you won't be definately protected for a while. So if he is really sure he is done, I can see how your being off birth control could be a turn off for him, even if you think there is no chance of anything happening. OTOH, personally, I can understand a desire to be off the damn hormonal pills and all from your point of view (if that figures in - I don't think you said it did but for me, personally, it would... I am on BCPS now and I HATE them for the side effects) ... would condoms be an option? Like, he doesn't want to have sex because he know you are still hoping in some small way for another baby, he is unhappy you are not on BCPs... but if he could use a condom... it would give him some control? Not that condoms are a walk in the park, but it might be an option.
I'm sorry you're not on the same page with this. It's a hard thing to disagree on.
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"We've tried to wash our hands of all of this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt-stricken, sobbing, with our heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip..."
- the verve pipe
Last edited by RunnerDuck; 01-24-2007 at 08:11 PM.
I think you all should talk to a grief counsellor before making this kind of major decision, and it could save your marriage if this ends up being a huge divide between you. I really think it would be worth it, even if your husband wouldn't go and you went alone.
Best wishes!
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Yes, there are many good things that will come from this...(ALL THINGS WORK FOR GOOD FOR THOSE THAT TRUELY LOVE THE LORD)...that is a promise so it will happen.
I am getting the much desired laser treatment for my excess hair
I am going back to the gym and losing my weight for good (no reason to gain it back right?)
I am going to go back to school and finish my degree
There has to be others but right now this is all I can think of. Thanks fo rthe KITA, I needed it
__________________ Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Started November 15th and 22 pounds lost!
Walk America in 2007 in memory of my little Jackson. Go to walkamerica.org/sweetsmom to support me.
Looks like it is really over 
)
