This is a chat thread for the loss board. I've been thinking about doing this for a while, and I think it might work. Every day, I have issues that I want to talk about, but I don't want to start a whole thread about it. Usually, they are small things and I don't want to add 20 threads to the board. So, this is a place for discussion about anything and everything.
(This isn't to prevent anyone from creating any number of threads that they want to. But if you don't want to create a whole thread about something, talk about it here.)
Since I am ready to TTC starting next week (my last yasmin pill will be next Monday!!!), that's what's on my mind. I'm so hopeful, it's scary. I think I am doomed to be disappointed. But I am SO ready to be pregnant again.. it can't happen fast enough.
So what's on YOUR mind?
__________________ Adrianne 31, DH 44 - married 6/01 - 2 DSDs (13 & 15)
Gabriel born 19w5d 11/15/04 due to IC. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
adrianne,
i hope it's quick and easy ttc'ing this time around!
and i think this is a good idea. i was just wondering if i really should start a whole thread for the following:
don't you just hate when people declare something to be "my worst nightmare" or "a parent's worst nightmare" when you and i really know that they are completely wrong? there was a bad school bus wreck in town today, but no children died, and the school principle said it was "our worst nightmare." yes, some bones were broken, but the worst nightmare is the whole school dying, right? am i too sensitive??
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
They have NO idea what a parent's worst nightmare is if they think that being worried is a "nightmare!" When I get pregnant, I'll have 9 months of worrying to death. Still, that's not my worst nightmare... that's what I hope for Give me a break.
That said, I hope that the parents of the kids on the school bus never have anything worse happen to them.
__________________ Adrianne 31, DH 44 - married 6/01 - 2 DSDs (13 & 15)
Gabriel born 19w5d 11/15/04 due to IC. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Ugh... What a nightmare indeed. At least the little girls didn't appear to have been raped as well. I think for me as a parent, it would be even worse if they had been attacked that way before dying. That story is awful. Now everyone in the community is not only mourning those sweet little girls but also has to be careful about going to the park and enjoying everyday life! Sometimes I just shouldn't watch/read/listen to the news.
By the way, 23 kids on the wrecked bus went to the hospital, only two were in critical condition, but basically everyone is going to make it. I think something went wrong mechanically with the bus so that it couldn't stop. They are looking into it.
Why the hell are people like this allowed to have children? The father had just recently gained visitation rights (it was only his third time ever seeing his son). His ex kept her son away from this monster as long as she could. Apparently, his young daughter died two years ago. Nobody's saying from what yet.
__________________ Dominici was born May 2006!
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Miracle Baby Boy Rivelino, born too early to live on October 6, 2004 at 24 weeks and 6 days. Never to be forgotten, always to be remembered, forever my source of inspiration.
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Well, I went to my first Chicago Cubs night game yesterday....needless to say, I am a zombie right now at work. My husband and I had a great time. The only somber time for me happened during the middle of the seventh inning when everyone stands to sing "take me out to the ballgame" We stood up and started to sing ...but then I really got a good look at the crowd around me. It was an awesome sight, but then I thought to myself, "my son will never see/experience this" Tears were welling up in my eyes, and my voice turned to a whisper....
then I looked over at my hubby, dressed in his cubs attire (he swears he bleeds cubbie blue!) and he was belting out his best voice in singing (he's nooooo singer, with his sri lankan accent) He put his arm around me and we swayed to the music.
oh boy
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Our sweet angel, Mohamed Matthew Raymon Illyas,
born and at rest on November 30, 2004.
Lived only 30 precious minutes...(IC at 20 weeks) Forever in our hearts, Together in our dreams.
We now live our life for you. We love you Matthew, our little Angel.
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Today, I went to lunch with a coworker to a downtown little cafe. Halfway through, a guy came in carrying a baby in a carseat. This was, of course, right in front of me and I couldn't stop looking even if I tried. The little boy that they took out of the carseat was absolutely adorable and dressed in a really cute outfit. He must have been only a few months old. But I got that "deer in the headlights" reaction and just couldn't stop looking. My colleague across from me noticed and turned around to see what I was staring at and I was embarrassed. Why do I torture myself. I started to choke up but I just stared down at my salad until the moment passed.
I miss my little boy so much
__________________ Adrianne 31, DH 44 - married 6/01 - 2 DSDs (13 & 15)
Gabriel born 19w5d 11/15/04 due to IC. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Does anybody else still have that moment when they first wake up when they forget they're not pregnant anymore? Every now and then that still happens to me, after I've been dreaming about Rivi. I'll wake up and reach down to rub him, and he's gone...
I had just begun to feel Matthew kicking two weeks before I lost him. He would kick up a storm and I would sit sideways (both legs over one arm) in the rocker recliner and hum the song "Baby Mine".
Now when I sit the same way in the recliner, I just can't believe he is not in there anymore.
I guess now I realize that if everything had gone well, he would be here, and I would be getting used to motherhood. Now I look at everything with new eyes. I've come to realize how blessed I am to be here on earth. But by that same token, I also realize that my son will never experience all that I have experience from the biggest of things to the smallest. He never got that chance. It is such a profound feeling at times.
Thanks for listening. I know that you all understand where I am coming from...Thanks again! ((((( hugs to all )))))
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Our sweet angel, Mohamed Matthew Raymon Illyas,
born and at rest on November 30, 2004.
Lived only 30 precious minutes...(IC at 20 weeks) Forever in our hearts, Together in our dreams.
We now live our life for you. We love you Matthew, our little Angel.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I had been feeling Gabriel move for a few weeks before we lost him, and I really miss that feeling.
Viv, I used to feel that way, after Gabriel was born. I had to get used to the idea that I wasn't pregnant anymore. But I don't dream about him. I never have I wish I did.
Diana,
It sounds like you've reached a point in your grief that was a HUGE turning point for me. Suddenly I was able to feel sorry for Mary Catherine instead of just feeling sorry for myself. Our poor babies will never see the spring flowers or walk barefoot in the grass. It is terribly unfair!
My thoughts today involve how I can include my daughter's memory in my life when every new person I meet thinks that Duncan is my only child. I'm sooooooooooo grateful to have him, but I am also disappointed in every situation where the person I'm talking to doesn't know about Mary Catherine and how much more I treasure this little boy because of our experience. Just thoughts....
I hope you all are having a good day.
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
Sheri, I get to that point and then I regress...but lately my thoughts are not for me, but for what Matthew will never experience. I guess I truly know that I am a mother in my heart because we always want the best for our children.
But I have been doing this "thing" on and off and it brings me peace. My husband has caught on, and now he does it too at times. Call me crazy, but whenever something special happens, whether it be a holiday or special event or trip, I buy a little momento for Matthew. For Easter, I bought a really tiny pastel teddy bear, at our first cubs game back in April, i bought a tiny bear with a cubs emblem on it. I plan on buying a chest one day for these little momentos and for his memory book and moldings of his hands and feet.
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To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Diana - 36! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Our sweet angel, Mohamed Matthew Raymon Illyas,
born and at rest on November 30, 2004.
Lived only 30 precious minutes...(IC at 20 weeks) Forever in our hearts, Together in our dreams.
We now live our life for you. We love you Matthew, our little Angel.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Diana,
We have done similar things. A lot of these items end up at the cemetery and get weathered, etc. But it's the thought that counts. We simply love our babies, just like every parent, and it's good to get them things, even if it only goes in a memory box some day. I really think it does our hearts a lot of good to satisfy the parent in us, even when the baby isn't in our arms. One of the ladies in my support group gets a little outfit on her daughter's birthday each year (she'd be five now) and takes it to the hospital where her daughter was born. The nurses give it to the first baby girl born on that day, in memory of that precious little lost one. I don't know about you, but if I got that outfit, I would bawl my eyes out for the mom who lost her daughter, and I would absolutely treasure it as a very meaningful gift. I hope it means a lot to them, whoever gets it. On Mary Catherine's birthday, I shopped for gifts for her, honestly choosing things that I would have given to her, and I gave them to a group that provides Christmas gifts to the needy. It was enormously satisfying to my heart, and I plan to continue that. Duncan will grow up knowing that there is a special sister in his life who still means a lot to his parents and sometimes gets presents . The March of Dimes work will always be dedicated to Mary Catherine, and my attempts at getting healthy and staying that way are also in her honor.
Speaking of which, I'm doing some projects related to setting up for this Saturday's walk, wooo hooo! And I need to email my husband's co workers to ask for donations.
Talk to you all later, and have a good weekend,
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
Sheri, those are wonderful ideas! Thanks for sharing that. I have always resisted the temptation to buy things for Gabriel or to write letters to him, etc. My rational side just can't over it. But I am going to try to go with my "urges" on things like that. I think it will be healing. I'm so glad I have you ladies in my life, so I know that I'm not going crazy and I'm not alone... and to give me great ideas for healing.
I also wanted to add that I have always LOVED the name Mary Catherine. Was she named before she was born? When I was in the hospital, I didn't yet know if I was having a boy or a girl. When the docs told us the situation was pretty much hopeless, the bereavement counselor came in and encouraged us to pick out some names. We never had a boy name, but we decided we'd go with the angel theme. If it was a girl, she would have been named Angela, which happens to be the name of one of DH's grandmothers.
Loss board chat thread 
. The March of Dimes work will always be dedicated to Mary Catherine, and my attempts at getting healthy and staying that way are also in her honor.
