Lost two girls

hope7 · 03-27-2009, 12:31 AM

Today I received the test results form my last miscarriage #4, which occured in November, and found out it was a girl with zero chromosomal abnormalities. This is the second girl in a row with no chromosonal abnormalities that we've lost. Anybody heard any theories on whether some people can't carry a certain gender for some reason?

Feeling pretty sad and as though I'm re-grieving the whole thing all over again

SheriKCMO · 03-28-2009, 01:15 AM

I'm very sorry about all of your losses! I would assume that repeat loss testing would be the same, regardless of gender. I hope you can find answers soon and can carry to term. (((Hugs)))

I started your own thread so that more people will notice the topic and be able to respond.

annem84 · 03-30-2009, 02:25 PM

I am so sorry for your losses ((hugs)) I've heard of the scenario where women can only carry a certain gender. Our first and third losses were too early to determine but know the 2nd was a girl, as we delivered her but the 4th one was a "perfect male". Hard to say it but at times I almost wish there would have been something wrong with him, I think my healing process would have gone better.

lovepotato · 03-31-2009, 06:14 PM

I'm so sorry. With our stillborn, who had severe birth defects, we had an amnio and his chromosomes were normal. I think there can be something wrong even if its not in their chromosomes. Sometimes something just happens and we don't know why. I'm sorry the testing couldn't give you more answers.

hope7 · 04-01-2009, 12:37 AM

Thank you for your feedback and hugs :-) ...so many unknowns in this process...I had wondered though if chromosomes could come back normal and yet still have birth defects...

In addition to PCOS I also had a heart shape uterus which the doctor feels he corrected in a recent surgery...we also know that our last miscarriage was implanted in one of the top heart pockets which may have been the cause, though it was looking like a blighted ovum so not quite sure - no certain answers.

I think we will try one more time....does anyone ever feel like that? Where you think the last time is the last time for trying and then you say, o.k. maybe just one more time?...I can't seem to place a limit and yet in some ways I feel I should set a maximum...

I'm so sorry for your losses mentioned in the previous messages. It is such a sad and heartbreaking experience....hugs back to you both

Lnamreep · 04-02-2009, 03:37 AM

I too have miscarried-twice now.

I do not know what the December one was.

The march one was twin girls (I was only 5.5 weeks). I was able to send in tissue and found out they were girls with no chromosone issues.

I have had the multiple lost tests and laproscopy and found nothing. I too wonder where do we go from here. I too have told my husband one more time, but maybe not after that. Although if one more time happens again, I will probably say one more time.

It is difficult for me to know when is it time to stop your dreams. I though I had been over this, but now I am crying as I wrote this note.

Luckily laprsocopy and a d&c since tissue didnt all pass naturall, I have an enforced 2 month vacation from TTC. Hopefully, I will recover and be more positive.

hope7 · 04-04-2009, 01:18 AM

I'm so sorry for the loss of your twin girls and your other little one. Unfortunately for us we have actually lost 4, but didn't know what the gender was for the first 2 since they don't do testing until the 3rd.

I hear ya about being surprised sometimes by emotions, thinking that you are settled and at peace and then sometimes being triggered back to another emotion.

After learning about our fourth, I went home and declared that that was it, I was done trying, we have two boys (2 miscarriages between first and second son, followed by another 2 miscariages..) I declared that I was going to give/sell all baby items that I've been holding on to. Announced to friends & family that we were done and then I think a few days later, part of me started to have that feeling of maybe one more time...

I've since gone for the laparoscopy and they found a dip at the top of my uterus which has been fixed, so now I feel like I maybe our odds have improved, but I think the PCO thing has a lot to do with my body's ability to sustain a pregnancy properly even when adding progesterone, metformin and dexamethasone to the mix.

Well, my hubby and I are taking a break too and we are going on vacation soon (we booked it pretty much at the same time as our last loss as a way to pursue other dreams, but in my heart of hearts, I still would love to welcome another family member. So hard to lay down dreams and know when to do that....

We might re-visit things in May....we'll see....

One thing I've learned is to give myself permission to have changing feelings about the matter on any given day and that only I have to hold. I think for a time I told people I was done trying, because perhaps in some small way I felt that people would think that was the reasonable thing to do after 4 losses, I had to stick to what I said or do the "honorable"" thing, when in reality, I realized it is o.k. to change my mind...it's my life not others and it's o.k. to want it one day, think we're done the next, and then want it the following day. It is such an emotional journey and I finally have peace with letting myself change my mind, until I truly have a final peace about what I dream for in life...

I've had people say "I thought this was too painful for you"...or you're done trying right?...I've also realized that it is o.k. to feel deep pain and then try again. I get to determine what the threshold is, not someone else looking on thinking that surely it is just too much pain and upheaval. I do care for my husband though and try to weigh his feelings in equally. Sometimes in life things that you ache for deeply mean that pain comes when it doesn't happen. I'm o.k. with that now - not to say I don't wish we didn't have to experience these losses.

Well, that's how I feel today anyway ;-) Maybe I'll have a different opinion on the matter tomorrow - and that is o.k. too :-)

Lastly, if anyone is like me, then I've chalked up this crazy persistent pursuit to my personality which includes perservering and holding to goals and dreams. In my life, it is this fight that has resulted in a lot of good things that had I given up or not fought so hard, I wouldn't have seen the good things that came from the persistance. So perhaps this personality has its' strengths and weaknesses.

I do sense though in this journey, there might be a time when I feel it is best to just let go...

Sorry, just babbling on now.

Thank you all for sharing your stories and how you are feeling about your losses and how you are coping.

andrea38 · 04-09-2009, 04:06 PM

I am sorry for all of your losses. As you can see from my siggie, I lost a beautiful daughter at 1 year of age to mitochondrial disease. Generally those with certain mitochondrial disease are usually miscarried or die shortly after birth. I don't believe it is a test that they usually look for because it can be expensive to test for and not all that common. I know it must be very frustrating to have recurring loses like this. It took us over a year to diagnose my daughter and in the end she passed away before we had the diagnosis. Both myself and my husband carry the gene so any future child would have a 25% chance of having the same deadly disease.

Hopeful09 · 04-21-2009, 12:18 PM

Sorry for your loss

hope7 · 06-25-2009, 12:40 AM

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious angel. I bet she was a real sweetie and that you cherished the short time you had together. My heart goes out to you.

andrea38 · 06-26-2009, 04:56 AM

Thank you hope and hopeful for your kind words. Hopeful, I have not checked on any other threads but how are you doing? Have you starting TTC again?