Made the first step

Delila · 04-10-2004, 12:21 AM

Well I made the first step and called an adoption lawyer to set up a consultation. I think we are ready to go through with adoption. DH isn't going to be ready to go through another IVF for quite awhile, or another m/c for that matter. I think I have had about enough of the emotional ups and downs too. Not to mention the countless injections and b/w. This loss was extremly hard on him. We both really want a child and I am certainly not getting any younger. I am 39 and DH 29. I am just afraid of giving up the hope of having at least one baby of my own. I always new we would probably adopt one. I also know that once you hold that baby for the first time you don't even remember you didn't actually give birth to the child. I think my hormones are still wacky since I actually havn't m/c yet. I just didn't want to waste anymore time. With any luck we can have a child by next year. The thought of that makes things a little easier. Did you ladies have any second thoughts or did you just know adoption was the right direction for you. Are these feelings normal? What about domestic adoption? Did anyone have any bad experiences? I am not sure what to do or what direction to go in. I appreciate your advice.
Delila

spookycyster · 04-10-2004, 12:48 AM

Hello,

I think your feelings are totally normal. We made the decision to pursue adoption very shortly after our second IVF attempt failed (chemical pregnancy). I too had weird thoughts about things, but I think it was due to the hormones and just being sick and tired of the disappointments we had faced with ttc. I had reached the point of not being able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, you know? For a long time, I was able to see that light and always thought I would be able to reach it, but after all the disappointments and setbacks, it just got dimmer and dimmer until it finally burnt out. Adoption put that light back and made it shine so bright! I knew that at the end of this, we would have a child. No one could promise me that with the IVFs and I needed a promise.

I have to tell you, the moment ds's bm placed him in my arms, he was MINE. I don't know how to describe it in words, because they would pale in comparison. But I knew that this beautiful, perfect child had been waiting for us. Dh and I had to go thru all the struggles, the pain and the heartbreak to be in the right place for ds. I still look at this child and am amazed. It doesn't matter that he isn't biologically ours or that he wasn't born from my body. It doesn't matter at all. He is beautiful, perfect and ours. And you know that light at the end of the tunnel? It's so damned bright, it hurts my eyes. We are on the cusp of stepping into that light, as our finalization is in just a few short weeks. What a blessing we have been given.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope that your wait is short and that your forever child comes to you soon.

tke100 · 04-10-2004, 12:56 AM

Hi Delilah,

Well I could not have said it better myself! (spooky) You know everyone chooses to take different paths and the one that is right for you will show itself.

I really believe in what is meant to be will be. After all our struggles of trying to have a child, adoption was so right for us. I agree once the BM handed DS to me, I just knew that everything we had gone thru to get to that moment was worth it. Every tear every let down, MC and all of it ,...worth it. When I look into his eyes I know he is our son. I could not imagine now how our family could be any better than it is today.

Good luck
Tricia

Delila · 04-10-2004, 09:53 AM

Thank you so much ladies, for your stories. I feel the same way. Tired and burnt out. Sick of meds and procedures with no guarentees. I guess both of you did U.S. adoptions since you were able to take your boys home at only a few days old. Was it an easy process. Did you go through a lawyer or an agency? I have an appointment with a lawyer in a couple of weeks. How long did the process take? I hope you don't mind all the questions, but this is so new to me.

Delila

spookycyster · 04-10-2004, 12:14 PM

Hi Delila,

I don't mind answering questions for you....I just hope that I'll be of some help!

We went thru Children's Home Society on a friend's recommendation in Florida, so yes, it was a domestic adoption. Our wait was incredibly short, which is not the norm. The official date on our paperwork is Sept 15th and I recieved "the call" on Thanksgiving Day, so about two months later. Ds came home when he was 4 days old. I was told at my initial meeting with CHS that the typical wait time for a newborn was 12 to 18 months. The circumstances surrounding ds's birth were a bit different and basically, he was just meant to be with us. CHS typically tries to place infants with the adoptive families as soon as possible after the babies are born, to start the bonding process. Some agencies will place the babies into foster care for a certain amount of time and then place them with the adoptive family. Anyways, termination of parental rights were signed before ds left the hospital, but it took three months for those papers to go before the judge and be approved. We also had to retain an attorney for the finalization, which will be in a few weeks.

Have you contacted an agency as well? Perhaps you should explore that avenue as well?

I wish you the best of luck. I read a book before we made the final decision to adopt. It helped me tremendously. "Adopting after Infertility" by Pat Johnston. Maybe you would find the same comfort in this book as well.

If I can help with anything else, I'd be more than happy to!

Delila · 04-10-2004, 12:28 PM

Thanks, I just might go pick up that book today. I havn't contacted an agency yet. I want to speak to this lawyer first. He told me the average is a year. Sometimes a little less sometimes a little more. I know of two other couples who used him. They said he made the process extremly easy on them. I am sure I will have more questions for you if you don't mind. I do appreciate it. Oh and I can't forget to tell what a cutie you have there.

Delila