November 30, 2006 marked Matthew's second birthday/anniversary. I just have no idea what to call it. If I say birthday....some people think I am nuts. When I say anniversary...some people think why would I want to remember. yes, the world moves on, and on most days, I am stuck back in November 2004.
Last year on his 1st birthday, my husband and I were in Sri Lanka visiting his relatives. I was so torn up about not being here for his birthday. It is really hard to smile and meet new people when you are so sad on the inside. So I told myself then that next year, I would stay at the cemetery for as long as I could...probably bring a chair and sit there visiting with my baby.
So the weather leading up to his special day was unseasonably warm for November. This was good news to me. I thought to myself that at the very least I could spend four hours at the cemetery just being with him. Then the forecast changed gears and we would experience a severe drop in temperature on November 30th accompanied by rain, sleet, and a snow storm.
My husband and I could barely stand there for 20 minutes and the cold just went through our coats and straight to our bones. We said a little prayer and place a small Christmas tree by his headstone, and just held each other for five minutes. DH was shivering so bad. We just really had to cut it short.
Do you think my child was trying to tell me something?
"Mommy, come and visit with me, but your must go on with your life...and since you don't know how, how about a gust of Artic air?"
I can only wonder....
__________________
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Diana - 36! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Our sweet angel, Mohamed Matthew Raymon Illyas,
born and at rest on November 30, 2004.
Lived only 30 precious minutes...(IC at 20 weeks) Forever in our hearts, Together in our dreams.
We now live our life for you. We love you Matthew, our little Angel.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Diana - to you. This weather has been something else, huh? (We got the same thing in The Lou - 5 or 6 days in the 60s and 70s, dropping to the 30s overnight on Wednesday, then the sleet/snow storm, loss of power, now in the teens but thankfully, our electric is back on.)
Another cyster, tia38, calls these sorts of days "ghost days." That's a perfect description, in my opinion.
Sorry I'm 2 days late responding, but we lost power.
((HUGS)) For you Diana.
Do you really care what others think?? I think it is Matthews 2nd birthday! You did give birth to him after all!! If you choose to call it his birthday you should feel confident about that.
I'm sorry your visit was short, but maybe it was just long enough??
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I call it their birthday. Especially considering our babies were born alive. I agree with Pamela - who cares what other people think. They can't understand what we feel. Use whatever terminology you feel best fits.
We have pictures of Kenny and Katie up in our house and I am sure some people think that it is odd...but we don't worry about what they think. They are our children and we want to see them just as we see other members of our family.
Hugs to you during this difficult time!!
__________________ Heidi (35)
DH (37)
dd-Konnie-10/04/04
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
ds-Kaden & ds-Kory born at 25 weeks 3 days, 2 lbs 3 oz & 2 lbs, respectively
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
4 angels in Heaven
Our blog To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Diana,
It amazes me that your sense of humor is so powerful that it shines through all of your grief! Matthew trying to tell you something by sending this weather is definitely a trip. Since our special days are in the same week, along with my own birthday which was yesterday, you are in my thoughts during this time automatically. I just wish we could be closer and I could give you a big hug.
Happy Birthday to Matthew, and congratulations to Mom for surviving these two years through trials and tribulations!
Many Hugs coming at ya!!
Your friend,
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Mary Catherine will be in our hearts forever, November 28, 2003.
Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Duncan 2/11/05, 9lb 3oz
Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Ruby 2/27/06, 9lbs
((Diana)). I'm sorry I missed this. I even have Matthew's birthday (yes, I consider it a birthday) written down on my calendar, but I haven't looked at it for awhile.
I'm glad you were able to visit with your boy, even if only for a short time. I wish the weather had cooperated so you could stay longer. But he knows he was, and always is, in your thoughts. ((Hugs)),
diana,
so sorry i missed this post. i think of you and matthew often. maybe he was trying to tell you that you dont need to sit at the cemetary for 4 hours...he knows that you think of him and love him all day every day and you dont need to be at a certain place on a certain day in order for him to know how much you miss him and how much you love him.
hugs
becky
__________________ Becky
~Miscarriage, March 2004, 5 or 6 weeks~
~Angels Marissa & Gabriella, 9/4/04, 20 weeks, due to IC/PTL/PPROM/Incompetent Doctors~
~MICAH BORN SAFELY AT 8lbs11oz AT 39w4d, DECEMBER 2005 AFTER SUCCESSFUL PREVENTATIVE CERCLAGE!!!!!~
~MALACHI BORN SAFELY AT 8lbs6oz AT 39w1d, OCTOBER 2007 AFTER SUCCESSFUL PREVENTATIVE CERCLAGE!!!~
~MAKAIO BORN SAFETY AT 8lbs13oz AT 39w, SEPTEMBER 2009 AFTER SUCCESSFUL PREVENTATIVE CERCLAGE!!!~
Happy belated Birthday Matthew!!! Yep it's a birthday, the day he was born, just like anyone else.
I"m sorry I did'nt see this before, but, I just had to respond. I think Matthew has your sense of humor! MAybe he didn't want you to stay out there in the cemetary. We wanted to you do something else in honor of him. Also, I'm sure he was having a huge birthday party in heaven.
__________________ Gina
Mommy to a beautiful baby girl Victoria Elyse and 1 pampered furbaby kitty Lacey
Check my album for current pictures
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Mom to 6 angel babies and 1furry angel baby
"My heart is broken, but not my spirit. My desire to be a Mother is greater than my fear of another miscarriage." Gina M.
Sorry it's taken so long to respond. I haven't been on too often lately.
I definitely consider it a birthday. He was born after all. Plus, it makes it a little less sad, b/c he gets to have something that most people think is happy. It's still a sad day, but I'm sure he had a great birthday in Heaven.
I live in NE Ohio, and we get really cold days too. I don't know if I could have made it for 20 minutes!!
Belated hugs for surviving a sad day, and that cold wind!
__________________ Monique(27) DH(31) Dx: PCOS-1999, Diabetes II-2005 Aiden James born 6/17/08 1 Angel Baby due to pPROM and Inc. Cervix (7/20/06) 1 Furbaby Brownie the Chihuahua
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Matthew's Second Birthday/Anniversary 
to you. This weather has been something else, huh? (We got the same thing in The Lou - 5 or 6 days in the 60s and 70s, dropping to the 30s overnight on Wednesday, then the sleet/snow storm, loss of power, now in the teens but thankfully, our electric is back on.)
