I am 27 years old, and severely depressed. When I was 19, my hair
started to thin, my periods became very irregular and I started
gaining weight. At 20, my [then-now ex] husband and I tried to
conceive for 7 years with no luck. I feel my body is SCREAMING pcos,
but a doctor has yet to help me and I have been to tons of doctors
over the years. I've had tons of tests, including my hormones which
have turned out 'normal.' End result, no doctor will help me because
my tests don't say 'fact.' Even though they agree it's probably
pcos, they won't help. I am extremely poor, I drive 6 hours ONE way
to see doctors because it's cheaper than seeing them around here. I
have no insurance, I can't afford insurance. There is NO [I repeat
NO] fininial help even if I had no job...I have been told if I quit
my job, I can get some....that is WRONG. I have looked into the
options and I have NONE. And I am sick of people ignoring what I say
and insisting there is help out there for me, when there is not.
My hair is falling out worse and it is becoming obvious...people
comment on it and I find myself falling deeper into my depression. I
went to the obgyn this month, and she said I am doing well 'down
there,' but asked if I was sad. My depression is becoming apparent
to strangers even..she put me on anti depressants. A doctor that
doesn't specialize in depression puts me on pills for that, but
won't help me with things she is more experienced in. I want to go
on the drug met....she knows this, yet won't give it to me. Is this
drug going to kill me to try?? What harm is going to come trying?
I am getting to the point where I'm wondering if life is worth this
much pain. My friends have become worried, but they are helpless as
they can't help me even though they want to so bad. No one can help
me...someone once told me everyone has their cross to carry. But you
know, I've been lugging many crosses with me all my life....if I
don't get a break or find some relief, then I would rather be dead.
Listen, everyone has their crosses to bear is true, BUT not true for this!! Have you asked your doctor for a referral to see an endocrinologist? You have to be extremely aggressive sometimes. If I were you I would call your doctor's office and ask for copies of your medical records. Sometimes "normal" isn't normal, they just don't know what to look for. Get a second opinion!! Have you had a glucose test done? You may not be a text book case, but you can still very much have PCOS. The only symptom I had was a sudden onset of acne, out of nowhere all over my body, and low bloodsugar and w/ that my endocrinologist came up w/ PCOS. After the testing and stuff it showed that I did in fact have it. I would NOT give up, I mean this is your life, this is the MOST important thing, to make sure you are healthy and able to live without shame. It would be worth it to fly down here to Florida and see my endo, just to get diagnosed!! I mean really!!! Tell me more about yourself, and what tests they have done, ect..and I will help you in any way possible. Don't EVER give up, there is always something you can do!!
Dear Applebear,
HUGS!!! to you! i'm sorry you feel this way and i sincerely wish i could be right there with you to comfort you! hon, don't lose hope, one way or another, God will bring you through it, just trust in Him with all your heart and He will open the way for you to find a dr. who is willing to help you with everthing. i too have sometimes felt like you in the past, but everyday, we have another chance, your life is so precious and pcos should not determine your happiness, yes, i know that it's something that we all wish we didn't have to deal with, but with the right treatment for our bodies, we can minimize the symptoms and lead a good life. if you need someone to talk to, email me at claudia@onanon.com. take care sweety!!!!
__________________ Me 29 Dh 33
no longer ttc
Started taking Met XR 750MG YAY! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. 12/5/2007
2nd cycle of femara (BFP!!!! but lost baby at 6 weeks) July 04
Starting process for WLS!!!!!
Thank You Lord Jesus for everything! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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I just wanted to send you a big ((HUG)) and some sympathy. I have been where you are before and it is not easy. Remember that depression itself is a symptom of PCOS and there are non-medication solutions that you can do proactively to combat PCOS. In reading your post, I for one believe that if you don't have the "classic" symptoms, you are definitely part of the group of women who have this disease. There are a number of lifestyle changes you can do to help yourself:
1) Make an appointment with yourself to exercise every day. I can only exercise in the morning, but you might have a different preference. It will do wonders to combat depression and I myself have noticed a dramatic effect on hairloss. My ponytail feels thicker now and where I was losing 100+ hairs a day.
2.) Low carb: You will feel mentally and emotionally clearer. I know carb-alternatives aren't cheap if you're on a budget, but I suggest buying cans of tuna in bulk, boxes of broccolli and cheese, or making a big pot of chicken soup. It will last you for a while...
3) Educate and connect: Your Soulcysters are here for you and there are a wealth of articles and studies on this board.
Don't give up! I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel...
__________________ Sarah
Dx 2/03
DC's
Will 7/26/05
Andie 11/28/06
First, I wanted to thank everyone for the replies. Honestly, I think part of my depression is because I have no one to talk to...the shame and embarressment of my problems keeps me from opening up to my friends and honestly...I don't think they'd understand.
But I am tired of fighting this. I walk to and from work every day I work [3-4 days a week]...it's a good 1 1/2-2 mile walk one way. I eat low carbs, but I may not eat enough...I can't even afford to go grocery shopping to buy enough food to keep me eating on a regular basis and properly. I use to be on food stamps and that helped greatly, but now they say I make too much [about 9k a year]. If I had kids, they'd help me up the wahoo....I don't want kids to be honest with you, I just think it's crap you have to have kids to get help.
I have had the glocous test...I didn't see the results but apparently normal. I can't afford to go to any more doctors....let alone one that is going to cost a arm and leg to go see. I still owe the doctors I've seen a ton and they are constantly hounding me for money. I send them 5 bucks a month and in return, they send me letters saying it's not enough and it's going on my credit. After my divorce, I had to move in with my parents....it's been over a year and I am still here. I would like to someday be able to move out and support myself...I use to have pretty darn good credit, but I'm sure it's not anymore due to the medical bills.
I have nothing to show for my life, and I feel myself screaming from the inside and no one knows or cares. I've had people tell me to go find a church and god will help me..all ready did that over a year ago. Why doesn't god help me now, as I lay in bed crying begging for his mercy and help? It's no wonder why I want to give up......
applebear, I feel compelled to to respond to your post as I am in a similar position.
I am 26, and am struggling financially, and I too suffer from bouts of depression. When I was in high school, I got to the point where my family was afraid to talk to me, they didn't even think I would graduate. I was just so damn depressed and my family doc did nothing. My depression led me to do things that I am not proud of, luckily I think I've learnt to deal with it in less self-destructive ways.
Back to my point, I understand how hard it is. I spent about $25000 on my education and have nothing to show for it. I'm not happy with my job as it is not related to my field, and it's only part-time. My parents are going through a divorce and my Mom and I have spent so much money on lawyers fees without any result. My Mom is unemployed and is trying to recover from a car accident last year. And finally, after years of suffering I have a diagnosis, but my doc has put me on BCP. I don't want to be on BCP, I would like to give Met a try but my doc won't give it to me unless I'm TTC. And even if she did give me a presciption for Met, I can't even afford it. What is a girl to do?
After all that, I guess I haven't helped much, but I just want you to know that I know what you're going through. And I just "keep on keepin on"
If you ever want to talk please contact me.
Take care.
__________________
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okay, first of all, i must say this: IOWA DRS SUCK. I've been to countless dr's in Northern iowa (where i'm from) and also so-called "specialists" in des moines. and all i got was a bunch of attitude and no one to listen to me. What I would suggest from that standpoint is to go up to the Mayo Clinic. I'm sure you know it's in Rochester, but if anyone else reading this doesn't know where it's at, it's in Rochester, MN. It's the best hospital in the world, leaders from every country in the world go there to get check-ups and a lot of movie stars too. I never got a chance to go because my insurance didn't cover it. If you go to their website, www.mayoclinic.org, they have billing info, even phone numbers you can call to see how much it will cost. I know sometimes they also have research programs at no cost to the patient. Right now they're having one for women with PCOS who are trying to conceive, although "you must be diagnosed with PCOS AND have normal ovulation" uhhhh, that doesn't happen in a lot of women with pcos, but anyway, I think it's worth checking out. They'll also be able to help with your depression. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, maybe try to take it one step and a time. Maybe if you figure out what's going on with your body, that will lift a little weight from your shoulders. I definately think you should find a dr. who wants to help you in "whole" not just the parts. good luck, and know you've always got your cysters for support.
This is what I would do...I would call the doc's office and ask for copies of your med records first. That way when you go see another doc- you will already have your lab reports, and you won't have to pay for all the testing again. Your actual hormones could be not showing PCOS in a big way, but even a small change can make your body FREAK out. Where do you work? Can you find another job? 9k a year isn't much, and if your living w/ your parents shouldn't that help financially? I think McDonalds pays more than 9k a year. You have to take control of your life girl...even if you feel like it's over, it's not and you have to get ahold of yourself enough to find out what's wrong physically!! If you could get that under control then I'm sure you would feel SO much better!! Take one thing at a time, one day at a time, and change it...you can do this. You can get a diagnosis if your aggressive enough about it. Refuse, and I mean refuse to leave until they give you an answer. I feel for ya girl, and don't worry you will get thru this....as far as God is concerned, you expect God to answer you in a question/answer form...being a Christian and asking for the Lord's help and mercy is a daily way of living your life...I would seek some kind of religous help as well, to help you to better understand God's role in all of this, that way you won't feel so abandoned. Because, TRUST me on this- he is very much real and here, and he knows your needs before the thoughts ever enter your mind..
I found this site through a Google search it open w/ Adobe Acrobat. My search was "indigent medical services in Iowa." It's very imformitive and provides information for people who do not qualify for medicare or medicaid. I hope you find some services that can aid you, they are out there.
I read that you had been on food stamps. Call your social worker that provided them for you after you read the information and ask him/her all the questions you have.
Its hard work being sick when you are poor but dont let that get you down. Try to grab life by the horns, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Good Luck
I've been feeling the same way. I can relate so much, I can't tell you. I've felt this way, off and on, for quite some time now. I was abused in every way as a child, abused more as a young teen, and then drugged, gang raped, stalked, and given std's by my rapists/stalkers, at the age of 18. I have SEVERE Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, as well as Schizoaffective Disorder, (Schizophrenia+Bipolar Disorder,) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Somatization Disorder, Insomnia, and the list goes on and on. All of this on top of PCOS, and I'm only 21. I have done things many times before that should have killed me. And I wanted to die, too. I remember being depressed when I woke up alive the next morning. Trying to walk in front of traffic... mixing 3 different kinds of alchohol (one being Everclear, the strongest alchohol in existence,) and several different kinds of meds, while out in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Everything kicked in, and I layed there on the cold bathroom floor, fighting to stay conscious and alive. I managed somehow to wake the next morning, and am obviously still here. There are quite a few other times as well. Yet I'm amazingly still here. Even though I wanted to die, something kept me fighting... Just a couple of weeks ago, I had all these pills layed out in a straight line on my desk, ready to swallow... but for some reason, I got the strength to put them back in the drawer. I don't know sometimes what keeps me alive, but I know, after all the things I have done to myself to try and die, God must really be taking care of me.
I just say all of this, to tell you, I UNDERSTAND. And another reason, is to tell you this... it's not worth it. But life is. No matter how it seems right now. Hope I was able to help you at least somewhat.
I am fortunate enough to *only* suffer from PMT related depression ~ but when it hits I get very, very low ~ I have (quite recently in fact) walked across a road, seen a truck coming and wondered if I stood in front of it would I be killed straight away, thereby resolving all my problems, or would I end up worse because I might just be maimed. When my period arrives it's difficult to reconcile myself with that person; but at the time, in the depths of despair; nothing makes sense.
Know that your hormones are going some way to making you feel like this - no matter what life has thrown at you, you wouldn't feel this low if your hormones didn't compound it.
It follows then, that anything you can do to balance your hormones will make you feel better. Exercise has been shown to be an antidepressant and costs nothing. It is hard sometimes to feel like exercising, but if you "just do it" you feel so much better afterwards.
Have you thought about trying running/walking? There is a beginner's thread on the Exercise board at the moment. Sometimes giving ourselves a challenge takes our mind off whatever is troubling us.
Also, you say you have no-one to talk to. You have us. And, something that might help you is starting a journal on kat's new site over at http://www.FitAtAnysize.com - it can help to read other people's journals too. I posted there today in my journal because I was feeling my depression; then read a few others' entries and found I was inspired again.
Try to look at the positives in your life. If you are staying with your parents does this not leave you with more money than you would have if you lived alone? You are working; is there anyway you could apply for promotion? What do you do? You need to find a job that pays you more money. Maybe think about some voluntary work you could do that would improve your career prospects ~ this would keep you busy and distracted and also perhaps helping people even less fortunate than yourself would make you feel better.
Starting the weight loss journey is the hardest place to be. You don't like yourself sometimes and the changes take time; but Christmas will come whether you decide to be slimmer and healthier by then or not.
Set yourself some goals; aim to reach them by Christmas. A certain amount of weight to lose; a certain amount of exercise to aim for every day; new job skills.
Setting goals; aiming for them and achieving them has to be one of the best ways to boost your self esteem.
It's not easy; I know that. But remember; there are a lot of us here who understand.
P.S. NMS had 50 exercise videos she was trying to give away for free over at fitatanysize but no takers. Perhaps that would be one way to incorporate some more exercise into your life?
BTW I forgot to mention. I couldn't get a Dr to prescribe Met for me here; I thought it was going to be the answer to my prayers. I decided to order it for myself over the internet. It did not suit me at all. Copnstant morning sickness and a total disappearance of my sex drive and I gained weight. Sometimes we think something is the thing we need; when actually it might not be.
I am reducing my weight slowly but surely without meds. I am trying St John's Wort for my depression which you can get from the health shop. A lack of exercise due to my busy lifestyle recently has contributed greatly to my current depression I think. Sometimes just walking in natural surroundings can help a great deal; listening to upbeat music can also help.
I hope you feel better soon
__________________
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Got to wean myself off that carb overload I've been having lately...... To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Maybe it's not worth it anymore 
