MEN ONLY PLEASE ANSWER HONESTLY

logan0617 · 02-07-2003, 07:30 PM

I've been married for seven years, we dated for three years prior and we now have three children.

My hubby said that he has been unhappy for the past year. He has been going out on Fridays with a friend I DO NOT LIKE. This friend is immature and rude to me. This friend thinks he should come first since as his wife I see my hubby everyday. My hubby laughs his comments off.

My hubby does not want to do things with me. He says you go I'll stay here but then if his friend call he's out the door.

I got frustrated and was lonely so I threw his ass out. After 2 weeks he was ready to work on things.

He calls it a phase but certan things have not gotten better.
We do not argue anymore and attempts to spend quality time with the kids. But we sleep in separate rooms, haven't had sex in two months, he avoids me and works more. He doesn't want to talk to me about it. He says I am pushing him to correct things he doesn't know how to correc.

My question:: Should I back off and let time heal us or make him talk.
i feel like silence is a passive way of saying I'm ok with things.

zappafan · 02-09-2003, 12:31 AM

Logan,

You have my sympathy - sounds like you are in a tough spot. Getting men to open up and talk about stuff is like pulling teeth (just ask my DW). If he is anything like me, he will probably just want to be left alone and have things just be cool again, i.e. magically fixed.

To answer your question, I don't think that backing off will help you - from what it sounds like, I wouldn't think that your issues will fix themselves without some serious communication. My recommendation would be some sort of couples counseling, if your DH would agree to it. Actually, his agreeing to seek professional help would be a great sign that he is indeed willing to make an effort to improve the relationship. You might consider using his own words to help make a case for it. If he says "You're pushing me to correct things he doesn't know how to correct," you might reply "then let's go see someone who can help us." Of course, I am assuming that you would be into it as well. But from my experience, the problems you are having won't work themselves out without some outside help.

My DW and I went to a counselor before we were married and it has made a big difference in both our ability to communicate and our expectations of each other.

You're probably in for an uphill climb, but if you believe in yourself and your DH, it will be worth it.

....just my 2¢....hope it's helpful

CandysMan · 02-12-2003, 11:51 AM

zappa's right hun, it's not something that will go away, you need to talk to him and let him know how you feel about this.
there's no way any of my friends would DARE be rude to my wife, and its not something ANY man should allow..

its a worry that his friends would take preference to you and your kids...

yeah, talk to him, let him know how ya feel, and dont beat about the bush.. just say it right out, we men can be pretty dumb sometimes and the best action is to be blunt and say it exactly as it is.

sometimes a good arguement clears the air and resolves a lot more than just "putting up with it". you shouldnt have to.

-=mike=-