Miscarriage at 5 weeks

scubastar5 · 06-15-2008, 01:08 AM

Hi, all. I would first like to thank each and every one of you all for your comments and your strong will. This message board has really helped me through a lot. Me and my husband have been trying for a baby for several months and have been unsuccessful up until a few weeks ago. I had a positive pregnancy test, all the symptoms and we were ecstatic. However, my mammaw passed away a couple days after i found out i was pregnant. My mammaw pretty much raised me when i was a child. Needless to say i lost the baby at 5 weeks (no D&C needed), and now i feel extremely guilty. I felt like at the time i handled the situation well, but now i feel like it is my fault that i lost this child. All i can ask for is for God to watch over me at this point and to give me strength. However, i am finding it really hard to cope with life in general. I know that a lot of you have been through this.
I also had a question about miscarrying, i have been having some cramping for a couple of days, sometiems severe sometimes dull. It is 17 days past the day i started bleeding from the miscarriage, so i dont think it is implantation (weve been careful) and it seems too early for another period. Anyone else experience this. And as always thanks for everything, and God Bless you all.

AnotherDreamer · 06-15-2008, 03:35 AM

(*hugs*) Sorry about your loss... and do not feel that it was your fault. Stress doesn't cause miscarriage in early pregnancy, that's just an old wives tale. Usually it's random chromosomal abnormalities. It was not something you did, or didn't do... it just happened. (*hugs*)
I understand the guilt though, it's normal.
I lost mine at 5 weeks, and I wonder sometimes if I just didn't have my glass of iced tea a day, if I just didn't... but none of those things would have prevented it I'm sure. But the guilt is still there.

I'm sorry about your tough situation with your loss of your Grandmother and your baby... the month I lost my baby I ended up losing my Grandmother to cancer a few weeks later. It's especially painful when you lose so many wonder beings in such a short span of time. I know I hard time coping. Sometimes I'd start crying, and I wasn't sure who I was crying for... sometimes it was for my baby, sometimes my grandmother, my broken dreams, myself... sometimes for everything. It was so hard.

We're here if you need to talk, and don't hesitate to vent, or let it out, or tell us what you're feeling. You're not alone, we're here for you.
I'm sure your emotions are all over the place right now, mine sure were, and it's all perfectly valid. I was angry, sad, miserable, empty, hostile; I was all over the wall with my emotions. And it's okay to be that way. You've lost a lot, and grief is a pretty powerful emotion. It's okay.

As for the cramping, I am not sure. I had a m/c at 5 weeks as well, I had bleeding and cramping for about 8-10 days I believe, and then... nothing. No Ov, no AF, no cramping... and it's been 6 weeks since I lost my baby.
If it starts to bother you, or become very painful, do call your doctors office and see what they say. It could be AF coming, some woman only have a weeks break after their m/c before AF shows, some have 6-8 weeks. But as I said, if it does get rather uncomfortable, or painful, call your doctor's office to see what they say.

(*hugs*) Sorry you're going through this.

uwalcott · 06-15-2008, 07:37 AM

Honey, I am so sorry you are going thru this experience. Last year when I lost my second baby my DD got very sick at the same time and I almost lost her as well (she was one and a half) due to severe bradycardia (low heart rate). It was the scariest and hardest week of my life. My fear for her kept me from even dealing with the grief of losing my baby until later. I understand feeling confused and not knowing where to go with the grief. But PLEASE don't think it was your fault. You being sad, or stressed, CANNOT cause you to lose the baby. Otherwise, I would never have DD-- I was stressed and depressed throughout the whole pregnancy with her.

I would def call your doc about the cramping, esp if it is very painful. It could just be AF starting again, but it might also be that something is still in the uterus. It's def worth getting checked out. Did you get a D&C or miscarry naturally?

((hugs)) Hope you feel better soon.

scubastar5 · 06-15-2008, 11:12 AM

Thanks to both of you "anotherdreamer" and "uwalcott." I really appreciate your kind words and wisdom. It is nice to hear from other women who have experienced the same things. All i am getting from my family is "it happens to a lot of women." And one even went as far as to say "Well you were only 5 weeks" I know that i am only five weeks and that it happens a lot. But that still does not take away the pain that i feel and it doesnt help coping with a loss. Even if it was a speck of something, it was something and it was mine. But it is really nice to hear that i am not the only one in the world having a hard time with this. I only bled for about 5 days and didnt need a D&C. I actually work in xray, so i had the ultrasound tech do a scan, and she said that everything looked great except i had some free fluid so she said i probably busted a cyst. *Thank goodness* The pain has went away though. And again i really appreciate your replies, with the help of God and others i think i can make it through this.

svaldez · 06-15-2008, 11:41 AM

I am so sorry for both of your losses. I lost a baby in January and know it is easy to blame yourself. I know I did. I should have done this or that. But it isn't your fault, just as it wasn't my fault. There are some things we have no control over. Hang in there. You got pregnant once, you will get pregnant again.

It takes time. I am still struggling more days than not, but it does get easier with time.

(((hugs)))
Sharon

SheriKCMO · 06-17-2008, 02:12 AM

I'm very sorry about both of your losses! That is a lot to cope with. Please don't blame yourself at all for losing your baby. All of us here have thought those thoughts, and they don't make any sense. We do what we can for our babies, and sometimes they don't make it. Unfortunately PCOS increases the possibility. You can vent here anytime... we know your baby meant so much (still does!) and that you are grieving and need support.

(((Hugs)))

Lezasc20 · 06-17-2008, 10:30 PM

I know the feeling of thinking you were to blame for the loss. i just lost my baby this past weekend and I think that sometimes maybe I did something wrong..maybe I didnt pray enough, or make Him proud enough to let me stay happy. I know its not fair that others are so happy w/ their babies and we are mourning the loss of a child we never had the pleasure of meeting. I saw my baby's hb which makes me think was that the only joy that I was allowed. The next day....my m/c began. I'm sorry that you are feeling that way. I dont know what to tell you to make you feel better b/c i feel the exact same way. No one has said that magic word to make me better....so i dont think they exsist. just allow yourself to cry, be angry, jealous, whatever you want to feel. I dont think its wrong for us to have all of those emotions. My m/c was 7 weeks and my own dh said "you were only 7 weeks, it wasnt even a jelly bean yet" that killed me. But he didnt mean it to hurt me he was trying to make me feel better...in his own creepy way. since then, I keep telling myself that she is watching over me and she is ready to hand over her little brother or sister when it is time. I hope that your greiving becomes easier. But if it doesnt talk to someone. I'm at a place where I may go talk to my dh's chaplain at work. I need to hear some Godly words of wisdom instead of non sense from people who have never experienced this...i .e. family & friends at home.

God Bless you!

uwalcott · 06-18-2008, 12:11 AM

Oh Leza, that was mean of him. Unfortunately DH's often have the market cornered on horrible comments without meaning to. When I m/c'd last year it was a horrible experience, the baby had died some time ago and had disintegrated (TMI) and when it came out it was broken in half. When I told DH later about what I had seen and said I would do anything to have my baby back, he said "Maybe God could put it back together for you." It was the most shocking thing I have ever heard anyone say. I was taken aback. Later he told me he didn't mean it that way, that he was expressing that he wishes God could do a miracle for me and put the baby back in. But the way it came out of his mouth...ugh! Men!

Linaa78 · 06-18-2008, 05:51 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I completely understand the whole blaming yourself. I went in for my second beta on a monday and it had more than trippled since Friday and my p4 went up as well, so I was so happy!! DH and I were intimate that night. The next morning I was spotting...if you ask me it was the sex...no matter how many people say it wan't that...i can't help but blame the sex for not being pregnant right now.

SandV · 06-20-2008, 09:03 PM

I am sorry for your losses. I too have suffered a loss 8 weeks ago. I blamed myself and at times I still do. However, the difference is I had an ectopic pregnancy. I found out when I was 8 weeks I was PG and my tube was starting to rupture. During the u/s I could see the heartbeat - the fetus was actually healthy. Sometimes I tell myself who am I to say my life was more important than my baby's. But I do realize even if I tried to continue to carry the baby, we both would not be able to survive.

It is a hard time for a woman to understand and rationalize why this would happen. As cysters we can be there to support each other during these difficult times. We all are wonderful strong women to deal with PCOS.

Lezasc20 · 06-20-2008, 10:19 PM

SandV I am so sorry to hear about your baby. I wish medical science could come up with a way to safely take the embryo and move it into the uterus.That would a miracle. Im confident that somday ...maybe not in our lifetime but someday they will figure it out. They are beginning to cure cancer surely they can figure a way to take a healthy embryo and move it to the proper place. Then, maybe some meds to teach your body to do the rest.

I wish people on the outside understood that no matter how far along you were, where the embryo was, or how fast it happened that it was still a life lost. There was a heartbeat which means it was a human being. I know this becomes political but many people have the reaction that my friends had "you were only...weeks along, you didnt even know your baby". But I think from our point its harder that way b/c we never have the chance to meet our little one or kiss them. I think its great that we have eachother to understand the feelings, emotions and rages that are going thru our minds. I pray for each of you and know that someday we'll all be blessed w/ a house full of babies...or maybe a whole basketball team for those who want that.

Miracle07 · 06-20-2008, 10:46 PM

scubastar- I am sorry for your loss. I know it is hard not to blame yourself.... I sometimes still do.

handley51299 · 06-26-2008, 03:37 PM

How many days did you bleed? Do you feel you passed everything? I too recently suffered an early m/c (5 weeks as well) I started spotting on June 13. I finally began bleeding June 16 and bleed for 8 days with another day and half of spotting. If you feel you did not pass everything or you haven't been checked out you maybe should call your doctor for some b/w. Your beta hcg would be a good indicator of wheter or not your uterus still contains anything not passed.

avenue · 06-26-2008, 05:22 PM

My stories the same as Lina's, Everything was fine until sex. Started spotting within a day and then I miscarried. Maybe some women are stronger then others but from now on when anyone asks me if sex is safe in the first trimester my answer is NO! It could be safe but who wants to risk that?

Linda Cubix · 07-03-2008, 02:34 PM

It is important to say:
- 20% of all pregnancy ends in miscarriage
- If we include pregnancies not detected (for example, when miscarriages occures before 4 weeks, when women normally thinks this miscarriage was just a hard flux period), it can reach 30%!
- 95% of all espontaneus miscarriages is due to wrong DNA integrations - eggs and sperm - and there is nothing you can do to avoid it... If an error occurs, your body will abort the process, automatically - more or less exercize wont change this... However, be carefull with the 5%... (low progestorone production by the body, hard exercizes, etc...)
- Medicine consider women with a baby/fetus, just after 3 months. Before that, you have just a fertilized egg with a promess to be a baby in the future.
- Dont blame yourself... In some religions, they say that the spirit of a bad egg can move from the this egg to another one. The egg that went way, was empty. So, try again. Your baby is alive in another egg, waiting for your try!
- The most important thing: Women dont like to discuss miscarriage... that is why it is so difficult to deal with... It seens that just you had these... But we are talking about 30%!
- I know at least 4 friends that had it... And now they have a baby, from the 2nd try...