I am wondering if this has happened to any other PCOSers. I had a pregnancy 16 years ago and I miscarried one twin and I still had a baby. I miscarried a fraternal girl and my son was carried to term and born by natural birth. I have talked to my doctors and they say this is unusual but not unheard of. I was wondering if this has ever happened to anyone else. I have been puzzled for 16 years but haven't ever been able to talk about it with anyone but my DH. Also, I didn't have a natural grieving period, because my family rationalized that I still had a baby. They couldn't understand why I was dealing with loss. Ok, hope someone responds.
{{HUGS}} Sweetie, this must be very hard for you. I think unless a person has experienced it, it's hard to understand why you'd be grieving. The truth is, you did lose a child. Still giving birth to the other one does not replace the one you lost so it's only natural to grieve. Eventhough it's 16 years later, you can still grieve if you need to. Nobody needs to understand why or the details but it may help you bring closure to your experience.
That being said, my husband is a twin of one such pregnancy. During his entire childhood he's always had this nagging feeling of not being complete. He's always felt that a part of him was missing, yet he could not explain it. It wasn't until after his mother told him the story did it all start to make sense.
Some may think it's strange that he feels this way, but it's been documented that many live twins feel they have a special bond. My husband has that same bond, he just never knew with who. It would be interesting to find out if your son has ever felt that way also.
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Leila (28), DH (32) Darling girl E - 4/27/05 Darling boy N - 4/1/08
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I had a similar thing happen at the end of last year but I ended up losing both. I lost the first twin on 10/23 and the second one on 12/8. It was an early loss and I knew the second one was gone a few weeks before I passed it. I know it doesn't compare to what you went through. You need to grieve for your little girl because even though you had a baby, you lost one as well.
((((big hugs))))
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I had a similar experience to lotsofdots I lost the first twin between 9-12 weeks. I had a couple of rough days, but concentrated on the fact that I was still carrying a baby. Then, the second twin was full term stillborn. It was while I was grieving for my stillborn son that I realized that I never really grieved for his twin. I gave the twin a name at that time - don't know if it was a boy or girl, but I went on my gut feeling - I was right with gut feeling on my son --- and on the later miscarriage of my daughter(separate pregnancy).
I do know what it is like to have people tell you to move on, or concentrate on the one that you have. (((((((HUGS))))))) Sorry that you have had to deal with that too.
I found it helpful to name my baby. It more for me and not too many people know the name, but my closest friends and my parents do. Just a thought.
Kath
__________________ dx pcos and IR 12/02
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Mom to 3 angels (2 1st trimester miscarriages & 1 full term stillborn) and 2 grade schoolers
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I was just watching a show about twins on the health channel. They said they think out of 8 single birth pregnancies 1 has had a lost twin. That its VERY common and usually the twin is lost between 5-10 weeks.
I want to thank all of you ladies for responding to my thread. Well I told my son about the loss of his sister because he never knew and he said he wondered why I seemed overprotective of him. He said he now knows. I cried and then decided that I would give a name to that little one I lost and it was very cathartic. I have often questioned if it was something I could have done to have lost that child. I have also dealt with a family that has said well that baby probably wasn't right anyway. My doctor said the development was normal. So I also gave my mother a call and dealt with confronting all of the offhand comments. Amazingly enough, she was very understanding and said she had no idea it bothered me so much. I never expressed myself because I didn't really feel I had a right. I had a baby...why shouldn't I be happy? I now realize that I needed to grieve and that I should confront behavior that wasn't really very understanding. Once again, thanks ladies. I am not completely whole...probably never will be....but I am at least progressing and not standing still. God bless.
Good for you that you were able to talk to your son and your mom. You must feel so much better. Glad to hear that your precious daughter now has a name. Thank you for sharing with us.
Kath
__________________ dx pcos and IR 12/02
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Mom to 3 angels (2 1st trimester miscarriages & 1 full term stillborn) and 2 grade schoolers
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Miscarriage of one twin 
