Hi All,
My story ... I was diagnosed, finally, with PCOS in September last year so was thrilled after TTc for nearly two years to find I was pregnant about a month ago. Absolutely over the moon. My GP put me at 7wks then i contacted my gyno nurse for an early scan. She put me at 5 weks and said she couldn't find a heartbeat but that might very well be because I was earlier along than expected because my cycle is so irregular. She also said I might have an unviable pregnancy and said to come for a scan two weeks later. That was Wednesday, the scan, and I went expecting to see a 7 week pregnancy and a heartbeat but was told I was no longer pregnant. I was given all the options and opted for medical management. I went to the hospital yesterday for my first lot of medication and started bleeding this morning, getting steadily heavier and passing plenty. I'm booked in tomorrow for the rest of the meds etc and the full "miscarriage". I am scared stiff and so damn disappointed. I've finally stopped crying and desperately wanted it to be over. I've been in the house since getting back on Wednesday and thought I'd go out of my mind. Now I want to take it all back. I feel so damn angry! I did everything, lost 3 and a half stone, quit smoking, took up exercise and then fell. Now it's over before it even really got started. I'm so angry and hurt and confused, no to mention terrified. It's 11.20pm here and I daren't go to bed. I'm terrified I'll half bleed to death if I do. This probably sounds a little manic, but thats how I feel tonight.
Has anyone else here gone through medical management? I take it it's normal to pass like i am? I'm not hemmoraging or anything although it's steady and I have discomfort rather than the sharp pain I was told to expect if the actual "miscarriage" started. I guess that comes tomorrow. I've gone from floods of tears to numbness to terror and anger in one. Please tell me I'm not going crazy!? I just want it to be tomorrow so it can be over. The waiting since Wednesday has been awful and this weekend worse. I want to get back to work, back to weight watchers, back to being a normal wife and friend, daughter, sister ........ I'm sorry if this is touching a nerve. i just need someone to tell me that it does get better, please.
And so starts the tears.
Sorry ladies and thanks for listening.
You're not crazy. You sound pretty normal to me. Your hormones are all a-rage, and you've suffered the biggest loss a woman ever could.
My loss was much later, so I don't know anything about medical management. There are women here who've posted on the topic before, and I'm sure they'll be along to help you. I think I read somewhere that as long as you're not soaking a pad every hour, you're not bleeding to death.
I'm very sorry you had to join us here. It's never fair when a baby dies, but it seems much crueler when you've worked so hard to get that baby in the first place, doesn't it?
((HUGS)). We're here if you need us.
__________________ Dominici was born May 2006!
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Miracle Baby Boy Rivelino, born too early to live on October 6, 2004 at 24 weeks and 6 days. Never to be forgotten, always to be remembered, forever my source of inspiration.
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Sweetie, it will get a bit better over time. Grief is awful. This baby was so wanted! I know that he or she was already part of the family the instant you found out. Now you must grieve, and just let those feelings flow. Unfortunately as mothers we also have to tolerate the physical changes as well, which is a constant reminder. Take care of yourself, and let us know how it's going, okay?
Hugs across the pond!
Sheri
__________________ Metformin 1500mg, Yasmin, managing IR/pcos with lower carbs
First pregnancy ended at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix.
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Second loss March 9, 2004 at five weeks
Third pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Fourth pregnancy, Cerclage at 13w
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Thanks to you both. Feeling a bitter calmer this morning after my outburst. Just ready to get to the hospital and get the medical part over with. After that I'll be ready to really sit back and think through it all and how I feel. I'm desperate for some type of normality. I'll be back this evenng so hopefully will be able to post and tell you all how it went.
Thank you all so much for your support. And I am so sorry too for your losses. If only life was easy eh? Have a good day alla nd I'll speak to you soon.
Love Nicki xxx
Hi All.
Well it's now "all over". I went into hospital yesterday and had the "miscarriage" under medical management. I'm not sure what to feel today. Of course I'm relieved it's over because waiting since Wednesday was torture but other than that I'm kind of numb. Business-like almost. I feel so callous! I don't have any upset or grief anymore. I suspect it's all going to hit me hard and soon. Until then I guess it's carry on. I've restarted weight watchers today, from home. I lost 3 and half stone to help get pregnant (because of the PCOS) andwhen I found out I was pregnant WW went out of the window. I feel like I've put a fair bit on so will concentrate now on getting the weight back down, getting my house sorted, (I am desperate to move but need to do some work on the house first), and get back to work. That'll keep me busy until it all crashes at least.I'll keep you all posted. Again, thank you SO much for your help and support xxxxx
Nikki Im sorry for your loss.
I hope things get better over time.
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Oh Niki, I know this is awful and it hurts and that you are devastated and angry and numb. I wish I had the "right" words for you hun. It does feel like a very cruel thing as Viv said when you've worked so damned hard for it. I too, almost three weeks later am still doing the emotional roller coaster thing. Gone from numb, to "just fine" to sobbing. I spent days and days cleaning house as though if, for some reason that may wipe clean the memory of it for me. It DOES get a little better over time. If you need a shoulder or an ear, we are here for you.
Love Angela
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It does get better over time. But you'll never forget.
After a while you will cherish your memories and it won't be so painful. Don't get me wrong, I STILL cry sometimes when I think of my angels, especially the one from August that made it to 10 weeks.
It never stops hurting, but there will come a day when you'll be okay. I promise!
Until then, do whatever you need to do to get through this. Cry, clean your house obsessively (been there, then I went through a depressed phase when dust bunnies attacked the cats, back to obsessive cleaning). It's a roller coaster, as Angela said. You may feel like you're going crazy, but you're not.
Miscarrying - long 
((Nicki)) 
Take care of yourself, and let us know how it's going, okay? 
