Misconceptions Made Clear

DiamondInTheRough · 10-11-2005, 01:13 AM

Greetings everyone. The intention of this thread is to help give clarity to the many misconceptions out there regarding Muslim Women, and the stance Islam has on Gender Equality. I believe knowledge is the only thing that can build bridges between others.

The first thing I wanted to post was about hijab, since this is one of the first things people think about when it comes to Muslim Women. The following is an article written by a Muslim woman and her perspective on what hijab means to her.

The Globe and Mail Tuesday, June 29, 1993 Facts and Arguments Page (A26)

HEADLINE: MY BODY IS MY OWN BUSINESS By Naheed Mustafa

I OFTEN wonder whether people see me as a radical, fundamentalist Muslim terrorist packing an AK-47 assault rifle inside my jean jacket. Or may be they see me as the poster girl for oppressed womanhood everywhere. I'm not sure which it is.

I get the whole gamut of strange looks, stares, and covert glances. You see, I wear the hijab, a scarf that covers my head, neck, and throat. I do this because I am a Muslim woman who believes her body is her own private concern.

Young Muslim women are reclaiming the hijab, reinterpreting it in light of its original purpose to give back to women ultimate control of their own bodies.

The Qur'an teaches us that men and women are equal, that individuals should not be judged according to gender, beauty, wealth, or privilege. The only thing that makes one person better than another is her or his character.

Nonetheless, people have a difficult time relating to me. After all, I'm young, Canadian born and raised, university educated why would I do this to myself, they ask.

Strangers speak to me in loud, slow English and often appear to be playing charades. They politely inquire how I like living in Canada and whether or not the cold bothers me. If I'm in the right mood, it can be very amusing.

But, why would I, a woman with all the advantages of a North American upbringing, suddenly, at 21, want to cover myself so that with the hijab and the other clothes I choose to wear, only my face and hands show?

Because it gives me freedom.

WOMEN are taught from early childhood that their worth is proportional to their attractiveness. We feel compelled to pursue abstract notions of beauty, half realizing that such a pursuit is futile.

When women reject this form of oppression, they face ridicule and contempt. Whether it's women who refuse to wear makeup or to shave their legs, or to expose their bodies, society, both men and women, have trouble dealing with them.

In the Western world, the hijab has come to symbolize either forced silence or radical, unconscionable militancy. Actually, it's neither. It is simply a woman's assertion that judgment of her physical person is to play no role whatsoever in social interaction.

Wearing the hijab has given me freedom from constant attention to my physical self. Because my appearance is not subjected to public scrutiny, my beauty, or perhaps lack of it, has been removed from the realm of what can legitimately be discussed.

No one knows whether my hair looks as if I just stepped out of a salon, whether or not I can pinch an inch, or even if I have unsightly stretch marks. And because no one knows, no one cares.

Feeling that one has to meet the impossible male standards of beauty is tiring and often humiliating. I should know, I spent my entire teenage years trying to do it. It was a borderline bulimic and spent a lot of money I didn't have on potions and lotions in hopes of becoming the next Cindy Crawford.

The definition of beauty is ever-changing; waifish is good, waifish is bad, athletic is good -- sorry, athletic is bad. Narrow hips? Great. Narrow hips? Too bad.

Women are not going to achieve equality with the right to bear their breasts in public, as some people would like to have you believe. That would only make us party to our own objectification. True equality will be had only when women don't need to display themselves to get attention and won't need to defend their decision to keep their bodies to themselves.

(Naheed Mustafa graduated from the University of Toronto last year with an honours degree in political and history. She is currently studying journalism at Ryerson Polytechnic University)

DiamondInTheRough · 10-11-2005, 01:48 AM

Actually, there is a song called, "The Veil," which compliments this article. You can find it here Radio Islam You need to scroll down to the bottom left of the screen where it says, "Listen to Songs," It is the first cd cover, (light green) called "Road to Madinah." At this point, you need to skip to the track called "Veil," I think it is number 5 or 6 on this cd.

lil lizzie · 10-11-2005, 03:01 AM

Thank you, Diamond.

10-11-2005, 03:23 AM

Diamond, thanks for posting that article. It's nice to hear first-person view since the media can be so biased sometimes. I agree with you about knowledge builing bridges.

DiamondInTheRough · 10-12-2005, 05:17 PM

You're both welcome. By the way, Steph, your baby is BEAUTIFUL!!!

10-12-2005, 05:27 PM

Thanks Daimond!

santa'sbaby · 10-12-2005, 06:20 PM

Thank you diamond and I do appreciate your explination of your culture. On that note I have another question that I have read on the internet about the relationship between a married muslim man and women.

It was stated in this passage and this was law according to muslim religion that if a wife continues to disagree on a matter then her husband then he is permitted to hit her. I have to confess that I have a hard time swollowing this on any race level. Was I misinformed on this matter?

My goal is not to create any problems, I only want to learn and understand.

Thanks,
April

DiamondInTheRough · 10-12-2005, 11:10 PM

April- I have to thank you for this question. In fact, I was planning on posting about this as I realize it is a topic largely misunderstood. Unfortunately, this confusion lies not only with people who don’t follow Islam, but with some Muslims as well.

I’d also admit that during my own studies on Islam, this topic was up there on my “w-t-h!?!” list, until I understood it, that is.

The particular verse you are talking about (4:34) is in reference to marriage between a man and a woman, namely the rights the husband has over his wife. More specifically this verse touches on the steps to be taken when the husband and wife are at a critical point in their relationship (when it is his wife that is clearly in the wrong), and for this reason, they are on the verge of divorce.

The verse first explains that the husband should firmly and verbally state his feelings on the matter. Secondly, if his wife doesn’t come around at that point, he should sleep in a separate room from her (in other words, abstain from intercourse). If at this point his wife hasn’t come around, the third step would be that an arbitrator should be brought into the picture to try and settle things for both sides. The arbitrator should be an unbiased person whom both parties can trust. If still after all of this is said and done, as a SYMBOLIC gesture to indicate on the husband’s part that divorce is pending, he is permitted (not encouraged, or forced) to “hit” her. Now what does “hit” mean in this context? Does it mean you can beat the daylights out of your wife, and cause her all sorts of bodily harm? NO! The arabic for “hit” in this linguistic context means to ‘lightly tap' - as in not repeatedly, not causing harm or pain, not leaving any markings, etc. It is even less adverse then the way a mother would smack a child’s hand in the cookie jar. If after all of this the husband and wife cannot find a common ground, then they should divorce. If however the wife realizes by this gesture that divorce really is right around the corner, she may choose to rectify things in order to prevent the break up (if she so chooses).

The important point to understand here is that the verse is not meant to cause any harm whatsoever to the wife, physical or otherwise. It is meant as an act of symbolic nature, and nothing more. Even still, the better man wouldn’t do this according to Islam. But what we have to understand is when this verse was revealed close to 1500 years ago, men had no control over themselves and wife abuse was RAMPANT, especially amongst the pagans of the time. If anything, this verse forced men to reassess themselves and the way they treated their wives when it came to conflict. This verse was responsible for decreasing abuse, not increasing it. It gave men a guideline to follow if they were at a crossroad in their marriage, and not a free pass to do whatever on earth they wanted.

Having said all this, of course, as with any group of people, you will have your bad apples. These people like to be self-proclaimed scholars and interpret things without logic. There are undoubtedly Muslim women in abusive relationships, as there are Christian women, Jewish women, Wiccan Women, and so on. I don’t think any of these beliefs call for it, but it happens. Abuse in general transcends all faith and cultures. It is ugly, and should be stopped. It is an international epidemic.

I hope my answer has satisfied your question. If it hasn’t I encourage you to ask for clarity and I will do my best to explain further. In the meantime, I intend on posting soon about Gender Equity. Perhaps this will help as well.

Incidentally, here is the first verse of the chapter on Women in the Qur’an:

O mankind! reverence your Guardian-Lord, who created you from a single person, created, of like nature, His mate, and from them twain scattered (like seeds) countless men and women;- reverence God, through whom ye demand your mutual (rights), and (reverence) the wombs (That bore you): for God ever watches over you.

Mazikeen · 10-13-2005, 08:05 AM

What a terrific and informative thread. Thank you so much for sharing! I'd love to learn more.

skyler · 10-13-2005, 08:11 AM

Thank you for posting this thread! there are many Muslim people who live in houston, and I have always wanted to stop and ask them things, lol. I hope you continue to post about this!!

*DesertRose* · 10-13-2005, 08:19 AM

Thank you for your great explanations. Whenever I have the chance I try to tell people about the REAL Islam - not the way it is most often portrayed in the Western media unfortunately.

Once I started studying Islam (when I was still Christian), I saw the beauty of it and there was no doubt in my mind that this was the faith I wanted to follow. Nobody forced me to put on the hijab. I wear the traditional black abaya and sheila and couldn't imagine leaving my house without it. I love keeping my beauty for my husband only. I feel respected by other people around me and it makes me feel feminine too.

I hope you continue to post about often misunderstood topics.

I feel like giving you a great big hug for taking the time to do this - it's great!

DiamondInTheRough · 10-13-2005, 11:52 AM

Mazikeen, Skyler & Shaima - you are very welcome! Thank you for showing interest, it means a lot to know that people are willing to learn.

skyler, I know it can be intimidating to stop someone out of the blue and ask about something so personal. This is why I really like the internet for this reason. However, I would also suggest that you try it one day if you find yourself in that situation again. I don't see harm in it, and people have stopped me before actually, I was happy to answer. Sometimes people may be in a hurry, or whatever, so don't feel discouraged if they can't answer you.

Shaima, I know what you mean about the respect and especially the femininity!! Isn't it so ironic that covering can bring out that natural essence in a woman! I remember when I started wearing hijab, that 'aha' feeling of "finally!" overcame me. Personally hijab for me doesn't only give me that connection with my husband that no other person has, but it is my choice of identity. I prefer to be known as a Muslim woman, and people see this when they see me.

Back when the particular verse about hijab was revealed (24:31), most women already covered to some degree or another. The Christian and Jewish women of that time wore the scarf more like a bandana. It didn't cover their ears, neck, chest, etc. So the verse told us to "...draw their shawl over their bosom..." Thereby covering our ears/neck/chest, and giving us distinction as Muslim women.

Take Care!

clarizza · 10-13-2005, 01:34 PM

I'm really enjoying this thread, Diamond. Please keep posting. I learned so much from your explanation of Ramadan in a previous post, too.

CelticSpirit · 10-14-2005, 10:36 PM

Thanks so very much for your explanations...

I really enjoy learning more about the various world religions and this forum is excellent in my opinion.

Thanks ladies!

DiamondInTheRough · 10-20-2005, 03:39 PM

I want to first say that although Islam has given women many rights - it is true that in many so-called “Muslim” nations, these rights are often exploited, or outright denied. This reality, however, is due to the misuse and abuse of Islam and the Qur’an by people interested in power and not peace. I would further add that what people choose to do with information isn’t necessarily a fair representation of the information itself. There are over 1.3 billion Muslims worldwide. Islam is the fastest growing, and second largest religion in the world. In our life time, I believe it will statistically be the largest. So keep in mind that the media often portrays the ‘bad’ side of everything. Just because you may not see a lot of ‘good’ things out there, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. As the saying goes, “No news is good news.”

On Gender Equality in Islam....

I think it is important to first begin by briefly talking about Adam and Eve. As Muslims, we also share the Judaeo-Christian belief that they were the first human beings created by God. However an important difference in the Islamic perspective is that when it came to the ‘original sin,’ the fault was not put solely on Eve, but shared by Adam and Eve equally in the Qur’anic explanation of the events. (Qur’an 7:19-23) (As a side note, Islam does not adhere to the concept of ‘original sin’ in that every person is born a sinner. Rather every person is thought to be born ‘pure.’ I can discuss this in a later post).

This difference is paramount in that it shows quite early on in the creation of humankind the equal status of not only sin but forgiveness (since they were both subsequently forgiven for their grave error).

Furthermore, God states in the Qur’an that all people, be they men or women, are individually accountable for their sins and good deeds. If it were a case where the woman was not a free spirit to act of her own free will, she certainly would not be held accountable for her actions in this life. On the contrary, God has this to say about the actions of men and women alike:

"Verily for all men and women who have surrendered themselves unto God, and all believing men and believing women, and all truly devout men and truly devout women, and all men and women who are true to their word, and all men and women who are patient in adversity, and all men and women who humble themselves before God, and all men and women who give in charity, and all self-denying men and self-denying women, and all men and women who are mindful of their chastity, and all men and women who remember God unceasingly: for all of them has God readied forgiveness of sins and a mighty reward." (Qur’an 33:35)

One might conclude from this verse that the criteria for equality in Islam therefore does not depend on the gender of a person, but the character, piety, and righteousness of the heart and soul.

The following article, Women’s Liberation through Islam, is a good overview on this topic, from a Muslim perspective. (You will see the word “Allah” sometimes used instead of “God” in this article. Allah is the arabic word/name for God. Christian Arabs use the word “Allah” for God as well.)

III&E Brochure Series; No. 21
published by The Institute of Islamic Information and Education (III&E)

Today people think that women are liberated in the West and that the women's liberation movement began in the 20th century. Actually, the women's liberation movement was not begun by women but was revealed by God to a man in the seventh century by the name of Muhammad (peace be upon him), who is known as the last Prophet of Islam. The Qur'an and the Traditions of the Prophet (Hadith or Sunnah) are the sources from which every Muslim woman derives her rights and duties.

I. HUMAN RIGHTS

Islam, fourteen centuries ago, made women equally accountable to God inglorifying and worshipping Him - setting no limits on her moral progress. Also, Islam established a woman's equality in her humanity with men.

In the Qur'an, in the first verse of the chapter entitled "Women," God says, "O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord Who created youfrom a single soul and from it its mate and from them both have spread abroad a multitude of men and women. Be careful of your duty toward Allah in Whom you claim (your rights) of one another, and towards the wombs (that bore you). Lo! Allah has been a Watcher over you." (4:1)

Since men and women both came from the same essence, they are equal in their humanity. Women cannot be by nature evil (as some religious believe) or then men would be evil also. Similarly, neither gender can be superior because it would be a contradiction of equality.

II. CIVIL RIGHTS

In Islam, a woman has the basic freedom of choice and expression based on recognition of her individual personality. First, she is free to choose her religion. The Qur'an states: "There is no compulsion in religion. Right has been made distinct from error." (2:256)

Women are encouraged in Islam to contribute their opinions and ideas. There are many traditions of the Prophet (pbuh) which indicate women would pose questions directly to him and offer their opinions concerning religion, economics and social matters.

A Muslim woman chooses her husband and keeps her name after marriage. A Muslim woman's testimony is valid in legal disputes. In fact, in areas in which women are more familiar, their evidence is conclusive.

III. SOCIAL RIGHTS

The Prophet (pbuh) said: "Seeking knowledge is a mandate for every Muslim (male and female)." This includes knowledge of the Qur'an and the Hadith as well as other knowledge. Men and women both have the capacity for learning and understanding. Since it is also their obligation to promote good behavior and condemn bad behavior in all spheres of life, Muslim women must acquire the appropriate education to perform this duty in accordance with their own natural talents and interests.

While maintenance of a home, providing support to her husband, and bearing, raising and teaching of children are among the first and very highly regarded roles for a woman, if she has the skills to work outside the home for the good of the community, she may do so as long as her family obligations are met.

Islam recognizes and fosters the natural differences between men and women despite their equality. Some types of work are more suitable for men and other types for women. This in no way diminishes either's effort nor its benefit. God will reward both sexes equally for the value of their work, though it may not necessarily be the same activity.

Concerning motherhood, the Prophet (pbuh) said: "Heaven lies under the feet of mothers." This implies that the success of a society can be traced to the mothers that raised it. The first and greatest influence on a person comes from the sense of security, affection, and training received from the mother. Therefore, a woman having children must be educated and conscientious in order to be a skillful parent.

IV. POLITICAL RIGHTS

A right given to Muslim women by God 1400 years ago is the right to vote. On any public matter, a woman may voice her opinion and participate in politics. One example, narrated in the Qur'an (60:12), is that Muhammad (pbuh) is told that when the believing women come to him and swear their allegiance to Islam, he must accept their oath. This established the right of women to select their leader and publicly declare so. Finally, Islam does not forbid a woman from holding important positions in government. Abdur-Rahman Ibn Auf consulted many women before he recommended Uthman Ibn Affan to be the Caliph.

V. ECONOMIC RIGHTS

The Qur'an states: "By the creation of the male and female; Verily, (the ends) ye strive for are diverse." (92:3-4)

In these verses, God declares that He created men and women to be different, with unique roles, functions and skills. As in society, where there is a division of labor, so too in a family; each member has different responsibilities. Generally, Islam upholds that women are entrusted with the nurturing role, and men, with the guardian role. Therefore, women are given the right of financial support.

The Qur'an states: "Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend of their wealth (for the support of women)." (4:34) This guardianship and greater financial responsibility given to men, requires that they provide women with not only monetary support but also physical protection and kind and respectful treatment.

The Muslim woman has the privilege to earn money, the right to own property, to enter into legal contracts and to manage all of her assets in any way she pleases. She can run her own business and no one has any claim on her earnings including her husband. The Qur'an states: "And in no wise covet those things in which Allah hath bestowed His gifts more freely on some of you than on others; to men is allotted what they earn, and to women, what they earn; but ask Allah of His bounty, for Allah hath full knowledge of all things." (4:32)

A woman inherits from her relatives. The Qur'an states: "For men there is a share in what parents and relatives leave, and for women there is a share of what parents and relatives leave, whether it be little or much - an ordained share." (4:7)

VI. RIGHTS OF A WIFE

The Qur'an states: "And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may live in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between you; Verily, in that are signs for people who reflect." (30:21)
Marriage is therefore not just a physical or emotional necessity, but in fact, a sign from God! It is a relationship of mutual rights and obligations based on divine guidance. God created men and women with complimentary natures, and in the Qur'an, He laid out a system of laws to support harmonious interaction between the sexes.

"...They are your garments and you are their garments." (2:187)
Clothing provides physical protection and covers the beauty and faults of the body. Likewise, a spouse is viewed this way. Each protects the other and hides the faults and compliments the characteristics of the spouse.

To foster the love and security that comes with marriage, Muslim wives have various rights. The first of the wife's rights is to receive mahr, a gift from the husband which is part of the marriage contract and required for the legality of the marriage.

The second right of a wife is maintenance. Despite any wealth she may have, her husband is obligated to provide her with food, shelter and clothing. He is not forced, however, to spend beyond his capability and his wife is not entitled to make unreasonable demands. The Qur'an states: "Let the man of means spend according to his means, and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him." (65:7)

God tells us men are guardians over women and are afforded the leadership in the family. His responsibility for obeying God extends to guiding his family to obey God at all times.

A wife's rights also extend beyond material needs. She has the right to kind treatment. The Prophet (pbuh) said: "The most perfect believers are the best in conduct. And the best of you are those who are best to their wives." God tells us He created mates and put love, mercy, and tranquillity between them.

Both men and women have a need for companionship and sexual needs, and marriage is designed to fulfill those needs. For one spouse to deny this satisfaction to the other, temptation exists to seek it elsewhere.

VII. DUTIES OF A WIFE

With rights come responsibilities. Therefore, wives have certain obligations to their husbands. The Qur'an states: "The good women in the absence of their husbands guard their rights as Allah has enjoined upon them to be guarded." (4:34) A wife is to keep her husband's secrets and protect their marital privacy. Issues of intimacy or faults of his that would dishonor him, are not to be shared by the wife, just as he is expected to guard her honor.

A wife must also guard her husband's property. She must safeguard his home and possessions, to the best of her ability, from theft or damage. She should manage the household affairs wisely so as to prevent loss or waste. She should not allow anyone to enter the house whom her husband dislikes nor incur any expenses of which her husband disapproves.

A Muslim woman must cooperate and coordinate with her husband. There cannot, however, be cooperation with a man who is disobedient to God. She should not fulfill his requests if he wants her to do something unlawful. A husband also should not take advantage of his wife, but be considerate of her needs and happiness.

VIII. CONCLUSION

The Qur'an states: "And it becomes not a believing man or a believing women, when Allah and His Messenger (Muhammad) have decided on an affair (for them), that they should (after that) claim any say in their affair; and whoso is rebellious to Allah and His Messenger, he verily goes astray in error manifest." (33:36) The Muslim woman was given a role, duties and rights 1400 years ago that most women do not enjoy today, even in the West. These are from God and are designed to keep balance in society; what may seem unjust or missing in one place is compensated for or explained in another place. Islam is a complete way of life.

-- Mary Ali and Anjum Ali
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