Missed M/C 2 wks after seeing strong H/B

Cupiecake · 03-02-2005, 07:04 AM

It's almost 4 am and I cant sleep. I went in today for my follow up u/s (at 9w0d) and the doc didnt find a hb. Two weeks ago, my u/s (7w0d) showed everything right on target and a strong heartbeat. So I've had a missed miscarriage...the baby measured in the 8wk range so it just happened recently. I am in total shock, as I didnt suspect anything, in fact I was really relaxed and feeling safe after seeing the h/b last time.

I am going in for a D&C today. I've never been in this situation before, so I have no idea what to expect after a m/c. I'm stunned and so sad. I normally hate any kind of medical procedures, but I'm not even thinking about the D&C...I think my recovery will be more emotional than anything.

What can I expect physically and emotionally after this? When will I start feeling like myself again? Whats the best way to cope? When is it safe to start ttc again? I just cant believe this is happening

skyler · 03-02-2005, 08:52 AM

oh im so sorry!

*DannysMom* · 03-02-2005, 11:24 AM

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

I had a similiar loss with my first pregnancy. It was devastating after seeing the heartbeat and believing that all was well. My husband and I were devastated. I went on to have a D&C at 8w4d's... and was heartbroken. I am sorry you are going through this... I know you were thinking about your babies future already... I know it positively hurts.

In terms of emotions... I went through disbelief, profound sadness, and anger...

I found that I wanted to try again right away- I had some bleeding following the D&C that subsided fairly quickly- but at my 6 week post op appt I addressed the fact that I wanted to try again with my RE. We were able to address the testing that was done at this time... and learned that my loss was probably due in part to low progesterone levels. This was good news as it meant that next pregnancy we would be armed with good information and progesterone suppositories to support the pregnancy.

Again, I am sorry for your loss. Let yourself experience all the emotions you need to- and let your husband support you and be there for you.

Hugs,
Karen

GabrielsMom · 03-02-2005, 11:27 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss

I have a D&C today as well. I'll be thinking of you.

- Adrianne

kwannabee · 03-02-2005, 11:33 AM

I'm sooo sorry...i can say in terms of what to expect....its different for every body.

I know that doesnt help much now...just know that what ever you feel...thats okay...guilt, anger, sadness...you'll get hit by everything...jealousy is the worst. Resentment is hard to deal with too...but you just have to roll with it...and anyone who has been there before will completely understand. I've said it before and i'll say it again...when i lost my girls SC was my therapy...a safe place to let it all out...i'm sure it was hard for some people to read and for others maybe they related to it...i'm sure it was pure selfishness to use you guys as my sounding board...but my advice is to really let it all out...write it, shout...cry or whatever feels right to you...just take care of yourself.

And whatever happens remind yourself even when you dont believe it that you did all you could do...nothing was within your power...and you were the best mommie for the time your baby was with you. Thats all you can do...hugs to you and pm anytime...theres lots of girls who have moved forward when they thought they never would...me included. Take care...

Tetley · 03-02-2005, 11:45 AM

Oh, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I've not had a D&C so I can't help you there, but I'm sure others will post.
Emotionally, I can only tell you what helped me. Take it a day at a time. Don't be hard on yourself. Get as much love and support around you as you can. I wish I'd had this site to come to when I lost my daughter, it's a fantastic source of support and friendship. There'll always be someone here for you. I had a great counsellor who I saw through it all - she was also my midwife and was training as a counsellor, the fact she had that background was invaluable for me. The friends who gave me most comfort were those who had been through something similar themselves.

There are a lot of women here who will have so much empathy with you - you aren't alone. Ask us anything, any time.

Hugs and support

Tetley xxx

VivC · 03-02-2005, 03:54 PM

I'm so sorry! I've never had a 1st trimester loss, just 2nd. But I imagine that, even this early, you'll feel the same way I did/do - devastated. Take as long as you need to heal, and try not to hurry yourself through your grief. I would say that anything/ everything you feel along the way is normal. You might be sad/depressed, angry, jealous/resentful, touchy, weepy. You might cry all of the time, some of the time, or even NONE of the time. It's all normal. I did fine for a few weeks after my baby boy died, then I went to bed for weeks!

As far as TTC, some women say that trying again helps them through their grief. Others (like me) wait awhile to absorb it all. Whatever you decide to do, just make sure you're really ready (and I'd wait a few cycles to give your body a chance to figure this all out).

You'll never be the same person again. Your little one touched your life and changed it forever, and that's what they're supposed to do, whether they can stay or not. I'm thinking of you!

saluki_fan · 03-02-2005, 04:26 PM

Cupiecake, I am so, so, so sorry for your loss.

I hope that your doctor gives you his/her blessing to try again as soon as you're ready. My doctor would have let me, but I had to get an MMR shot, so that forced me to wait for 3 months.

I recovered from my D&C very quickly - actually went shopping the next day. The only problem I had was when I got home, it really stung to urinate. That was back to normal the next day. I bled/spotted for about a week, then exactly 3 weeks after my D&C I O'd without meds for possibly the first time in my life! After that ovulation, I went back on Met and have had "normal" cycles since. Also, don't use tampons - use only pads and liners while recovering from the D&C.

As far as what to expect emotionally, there is just such a range of emotion. Rage, anger, jealousy (of others who are PG or had healthy babies), sorrow, depression - up until about 3 months after my loss, I just wanted to go be with my baby...I would not ever kill myself, but it sure seemed desirable at the time. Some people will be very supportive, and some people will be idiots about it. Just try to seek out those who you know will be supportive and lean on them.

You are in my thoughts.

Meghan

~Traci~ · 03-02-2005, 05:58 PM

I'm so sorry {{{{HUGS}}}} The exact thing happened to me my 2nd pg (1st was chemical). I was pg w/ quads so it was a little different. Everything seemed normal except I was already high risk b/c I was spotting from the beginning. @ 7 weeks there was 1 h/b & by 9 weeks there was none

I had to have a D&C as well. Like I said, my situation was a little different though. I bled for almost 3 months after my D&C & my betas went very slowly down the entire 3 months. We then had to wait 3 months after my beta got to 0.

Some drs will let you try again right away. My dr made me wait b/c I was pg w/ quads so it was very tramatic to my body. I do know most drs will make you wait 3 cycles to TTC again after a D&C (or as far as I've heard). You do need to watch your hCG levels drop to 0 though so you might be going to get b/w done once/week or so until they are below 5.

My emotions were all over the place. I was in denial, angry, jealousy, furious. I was also very upset w/ DH b/c it seemed like he didn't care. Please try not to get upset @ your DH b/c guys deal differently. I still have a hard time understanding that b/c through all of my m/c's he seemed emotionless but he wasn't, he just dealt differently.

{{{{HUGS}}}}
Traci

Cupiecake · 03-03-2005, 01:29 PM

Thanks everyone for all your supportive words. The D&C went fine. My bleeding is not even that bad. My recovery will be more emotional than physical. DH has been so supportive, and so sad right along with me. I have come to the realization that there was nothing I could do about this, so I just have to deal with it the best I can and hopefully move on. We will start ttc again in 3 months.

Thanks again

SheriKCMO · 03-03-2005, 03:05 PM

I'm so glad the procedure went okay. The whole thing is just a huge heartbreak. It takes each of us a different amount of time and pain to get through, but it does get easier to bear. Some of us do specific things to honor our little lost ones, and that might come to mind at some point for you and help you to heal. I hope that you soon can see hope and happiness in the future, though it takes time to get to that point.
It's good to be on the same page with your husband and keep each other close. When the time is right for you two, I hope that ttc again is easy and quick. It's scary to try again, and we do worry a lot the next time, but the outcome is totally worth it. There are many cysters around the boards with one or more losses in their sig lines (or unmentioned) who have gone on to lead very happy lives with future children, and this gave me a lot of hope when I needed something tangible to hold onto.
I wish you peace,
Sheri