I am just so thankful to have all of you here for support, friendship, love, & kindness. THANK YOU! To all of you that I spoke with on the tele, your words have been the utmost comfort. I've needed to talk & you are always there. Today I didn't do anything but lay in bed (but the bed actually makes my heart hurt, as I spent the last 12wks laying in this bed (bedrest per doctors orders) in hopes of having 3 healthy babies in May.)
I'm leaning on my BBW Cysters (I don't know what I'd do without you sweet souls), as well as all of you SoulCysters (just an amazing group of friends). I'm leaning on my church family & yes they are helping Dan take care of me & my son, Brandon. (bringing me & Bran-Man lunches, dinners, cleaning my home, & reading God's Word, scripture to me, in hopes of aiding in the healing of my heart & soul. I know in time things will get better.
I'm trying so hard to not ask why? So many questions pop into my head & I actually try NOT to think. I know that everything happens for a reason and my babies were meant to be in heaven. I know that Sarah, Ben, & Rebecca are watching from heaven. I know they are OK, happy & in the arms of Jesus. I know this to be true. Brandon came to me this morning & said he had a dream about Sarah, Ben, & Rebecca. I asked him what they were doing in his dreams? Ladies, this is what he said to me "Mommy, they were playing." I said Playing? What? He says "mommy, they were playing with the angels, they were happy & smiling with Jesus holding them!" I started bawling! I know that God showed Bran this, just so he could tell me & reassure me that my precious babies are OK and if they can't be in the arms of their mommy, they are in the arms of our Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ! Tuesday we picked the babies up from the funeral home. We have all 3 of them together in an irn & also a locket close to my heart. Now i truly have them with me once again. It is a comfort knowing they are physically with me (does that make sense?)
Tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to get up, put my feet on the floor, take a shower (Gina, you're so right about setting daily goals), and just remember that I will see my precious babies again! I know that my babies would not want me to sink deep into depression. They don't want me to forget them & they are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. Through them, I will gain the courage needed to move forward, to love my husband, love my son, & love those lost babies that really were never lost. I keep thinking as I lay on my pillow that my babies are with me, kissing me on the cheek & whispering to me "I love you, mommy." I love you Sarah Grace Ellise, Benjamen Robert Jeremiah, and Rebecca Rose Louise
Thank you ladies for being here. I know I haven't reading or posting, but I think of you all & love you so very much. Thanks for reading. I needed to talk. Getting the feelings out does help.
Once again......THANK YOU ALL!
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Jules To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
proud parents to our Karate Kid & moms "Bran-Man", Brandon Matthew Nephi 01/07/01
Triplets forever in our hearts~* (Sarah Grace Ellise, Benjamen Robert Jeremiah, & Rebecca Rose Louise) *~born still on 01/19/08 *~Our family will see you again~*
Brandon is so sweet. I think you are right, he was meant to see that so that he could give you some peace and comfort.
Like you, I am trying to take it one day at a time. We can get through this!
Big hugs to you!
Sharon
__________________ Sharon - 33 Issac - 35
Sofia Rose 7/20/04 conceived after 2nd IUI
11/20 and 11/21 last chance (5th) IUI
12/5/07 - BFP EDD: 8/11/08
1/18/08 - we lost our baby - feeling lost, sad and confused
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Jules~ The story of your son's dream brought tears to my eyes! What a blessing to KNOW your little one's are being cared for by the Greatest of all Fathers.
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Michelle (34) + DH (34) To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
PCOS + MF
Angels: 1/08 (IUI), 11/08 (IVF)
How did this happen??: 12/13/08 BFP! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
DD born 8/11/09
Our miracle survived preeclampsia, IUGR and placenta problems!!!
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Jules, my heart is broken for you all! But I'm so glad to hear that you have such wonderful support at home.....one day at a time, that's the only way you'll make it through......prayers to you and you family! And to sweet little Brandon, who is already a great big brother!
God bless Sarah, Ben and Rebecca and may he always hold them close to his heart until the time when you can be with them again.
To all of my cyster enduring a pg loss, miscarriage, or early infant loss..*GOD MENT*
Hello sweet cysters, How are you doing today? I know the road to healing of the heart is a long one. I have now had a few days in a row with the Lord by my side. I know He is carrying me through this---each second, minute, hour, & day! I made a promise to myself that I would NOT stay in bed, cry, & sink deeper into depression. I've gotten up out of bed, showered, dressed, did something with my hair, & today managed to put on a little make-up to feel human. I know my Sarah, Ben, & Becca would not want mommy to sink into a deep hole of depression. I also know that my wonderful husband, Dan, & incredible little boy, Brandon (7rs) need me. They wrap their arms & entire being around me, love me, cherish me! I don't know what I'd do without them. I feel as tho' I need to be strong for them. Yet they are a source of strength for me....does that make sense?
I miss my babies. My stomach/uterus continues to shrink. I still feel a few contractions as my uterus shrinks & it just reminds me of the kicks & jabs from the triplets. As I pray to my Heavenly Father I have this deep knowledge that I will be pregnant again someday soon. My friend & sister in Christ, (jackie_h1) reminded me that I have faith that God has given me the deep want, need, desire to become pregnant once again & He will honor that deep heart-filled desire. I know that He has commanded us (children of GOD) to procreate & fill the earth --- I pray I will honor that commandment in His Time. If you need anything at all, please email or PM me, K? Even if you need to get a word or simple thought off your chest.....I'm always here. I'm a full time SAHM & a SC addict! Lifting you up in positive, loving, friendship-filled prayers, Hugs & Blessings,
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Jules To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
proud parents to our Karate Kid & moms "Bran-Man", Brandon Matthew Nephi 01/07/01
Triplets forever in our hearts~* (Sarah Grace Ellise, Benjamen Robert Jeremiah, & Rebecca Rose Louise) *~born still on 01/19/08 *~Our family will see you again~*
Praying for you Jules. You are so strong and determined. I admire that. I have allowed my bed to become the place of refuge and solice since my loss. But not anymore. I got up, got a job (I start Wednesday) and visited my OB for more Clomid and Provera (yeah, this should be good...starting a new job as an Addictions Therapist while in the midst of Provera....).
Life does go on and babies are still in heaven for us. Good luck, dear Jules. Good luck.
Also, I want to offer my condolences to you and other LDS sisters on the loss of Prophet Hinkley. From what I have read he sounded like a wonderful man of God.
mom-e-jules checking in.... 
